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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28980585">Of Monsters &amp; Sheikah</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kin29/pseuds/Kin29'>Kin29</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Breath of the Wild REBORN [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brothels, Chastity Device, Conditioning, Dissociation, Edging, Electrocution, F/M, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Original Character(s), Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Pregnancy, Religious Cults, Self-Harm, Sexual Repression, Vaginal Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:48:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>59,915</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28980585</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kin29/pseuds/Kin29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A tale of the Yiga spy and the Sheikah woman who broke him apart and put him back together again. And how he tore himself apart once more to save them all. (Things have to get worse (and worse and worse) before they get better, right?)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dorian/Dorian's Wife (Legend of Zelda)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Breath of the Wild REBORN [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125755</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One Week</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>'Jay, are you really writing Dorian/his wife porn?' Yes. Yes I am.</p><p>So it turns out I'm not ready to leave this AU just yet, so here's an even more indulgent prequel story of my already indulgent AU story. The chapters are not going to be as long as the ones in my main story, and is mostly going to be a selection of scenes. Also be prepared for fucked up themes throughout, and I'll try to update the additional tags with proper warnings as we go.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"So.." the young Sheikah woman spoke cooly, when the two of them were seperate from the other Sheikah who lived in Kakariko, that he had previously introduced himself too, the two standing right behind that odd tree that lead up to the ancient Sheikah shrine. "Which is your real name? Bant or Dorian?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The monster grit his teeth in response. Despite being a member of the Yiga Clan, he hadn't taken a life yet but.. he needed to kill her. If he didn't, he was going to be discovered and this spying mission would be a complete failure. Somehow, he managed to control himself though. "This vessel is named Dorian." he whispered, quietly, restraint barely there in his voice, "And I should be the one asking you, what are you even doing here? I thought you said you lived in Hateno."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The woman shuddered and crossed her hands over chest, pressing her hands to her arms as a look of pain flittered over her face and despite himself, the monster could feel the anger bleeding out of him almost immediately. "..My father passed away a couple of years ago." The Sheikah woman.. Kiyah said quietly, "So I moved here to Kakariko permanently."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Her father.. the monster, Dorian, shuddered, shutting his eyes for a moment as a sudden weakness passed over him. When they had met in Faron when he was a young footsoldier, Kiyah had gushed about him constantly, saying he was a researcher who worked in Hateno and how he was all she really had, as she had never known her mother. How he had read her stories of Legendary Heroes gone past in her childhood and generally did all the things a parent was supposed to do. From her words, he had been a good father. Before he knew what he was saying, Dorian muttered numbly, "..I'm sorry."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>His eyes opened and he found himself in a bed that was far too comfortable for his liking. Right, he was still in Kakariko Village, in the inn. He had been here for about a week now, on behalf of the Yiga Clan's leader Master Kohga himself. He had never turned down any kind of mission before, and this was no exception. Still, with each passing day, he couldn't help but wonder <em>why</em> exactly he was here.</p><p>He would wander around the village, and see the broken looks in the villagers eyes, even as they pretended everything was fine, and tried to go about their daily lives, trading with merchants, providing shelter in the inn to travelers. The Sheikah would talk among themselves, but it was civil at best. The monster inside the disguised Yiga vessel could see it with his own two grey eyes. There was no hope here in Kakariko whatsoever. And while it made him happy, almost <em>gleeful</em> seeing their enemies as such a broken damaged people, even now, he just wished he was back home in Karusa Valley.</p><p>Right now the footsoldiers, the trainees he had been raised with, would be going through their blademaster training. Even that idiot partner of his, <em>Bant</em>, although the vessel didn't believe for a second that he would actually succeed in his training. Bant wasn't good at anything, except maybe archery. Even his basic teleportation was sloppy at best. There was no way Bant was ever going to learn their earth manipulation technique.</p><p>He was so frustrated at that. He should have been there too. He should be there in Karusa Valley, training alongside his fellow footsoldiers. Becoming a blademaster, his final step in his Yiga training, his devotion to the Great Calamity and to Master Kohga, it was what he had born to do. And yet here he was in this damaged village doing.. <em>nothing<em>!</em></em></p><p>Well, not quite nothing he supposed. After having introduced himself as a Sheikah from the still miraculously standing Tabantha Village in Hebra, the Sheikah of Kakariko had seemingly accepted that lie easily, and while they didn't accept him as one of them just yet, they were all too happy to ask quests of him, which he took to gain their trust, not even accepting payment from them (it wasn't like he needed payment after all, he had brought plenty of rupees from the Yiga hideout vault to last him years here if possible although he certainly hoped he wouldn't be here for years). So Dorian would leave the village, get whatever they needed (usually hunt for food or take out simple monsters that had wandered too close to the village) and then come back, eat a simple meal and go to bed in the inn, and then do it all over again the next day. It was a simple life he had lived for the last week, but it was boring, especially compared to the constantly manic energy that seemed to always exist in Karusa Valley.</p><p>Between Master Kohga's sermons, the rare parties (which were getting rowdier and rowdier as more time past since the Great Calamity) and the constant training and ambush missions there was never a dull moment in Karusa Valley, at least not for <em>him</em> who reveled in successful missions (he remembered at times hearing other footsoldiers talk about how boring it was after all). Even if the situation with the blademasters hadn't been the best (blademasters were notoriously hardened and they constantly took it out on both footsoldiers and trainees alike) it was never something that this vessel never had to deal with, since he had always been top ranked in all his lessons and succeeded in every mission he had ever been given.</p><p>As he wandered through the village, the monster inside looked up at the Sheikah around him. Today again, they had on their happy faces, their masks if you will, as the various shops traded with merchants and customers alike. If someone was here in the village one, maybe even two days they wouldn't notice it, but the longer you spent here the more you realised just how truly <em>broken</em> this village was. It was in the way they spoke to each other, to travelers, how they moved (like they had no real life in them) and even in their eyes. They all knew it, just like the Yiga Clan did, even if none of the other tribes did so. The battle for Hyrule was already lost. The Calamity had won and its destruction of Hyrule was inevitable. After all, the Champions, the Princess and even the <em>Hero</em> were dead.</p><p>On his second day here, late after everyone had gone to bed, a certain merchant had come into town that Dorian had never seen before. He was wearing Sheikah clothing, definetely seemed to be Sheikah in some way, but had brown hair instead of traditional white Sheikah hair. He must have had some Hylian blood in him. He had noticed Dorian first and wandered up to him, "Hey, new face here in Kakariko! How are you?"</p><p>He had previously been sitting on the wooden engawa surrounding the inn, just looking up at the stars for a little while thinking before he had intended to go back into the inn, and as the new Sheikah merchant approached him, he crossed his arms. "..Fine."</p><p>The merchant grinned at him, "Interested in some specialist wares?" and then he was pulling out a small elixir bottle of some sorts. Dorian frowned, taking the bottle and turning it over in his hands. It had no label, but the liquid inside was some sort of reddish colour. "What is it?"</p><p>"It's a sample bottle, not a proper bigger one like the kind I sell. Why don't you open it and have a smell?" the Sheikah was grinning at him even wider, but Dorian complied with the strange request, pulling the stopper and taking a small inhale.. he <em>wheezed</em> and practically choked. Alcohol. Very potent powerful alcohol. Much stronger then the stuff they had back at Karusa Valley for Master Kohga's parties.</p><p>"Like it?" the Sheikah grinned at him, "This is the good stuff you know. From Gerudo Town's Noble Canteen. We managed to secure a recipe for the pure stuff a while back so we've been brewing it ever since. It helps.. you know." the Sheikah winked at him and Dorian was stunned, "To keep your mind off everything going on here. Kakariko are our best customers after all, so we try and come here often."</p><p>Dorian swallowed as he looked around the Village. Is that what the Sheikah here did? Got <em>drunk</em> all the time to deal with the fact they had already lost this war? His mind was reeling with this new knowledge.</p><p>Before he knew what he was doing, Dorian placed the stopper back on the sample bottle and hurriedly shoved it back into the Sheikah's hands. He couldn't get <em>drunk</em> on a mission, even if it was a boring one. The Sheikah pouted a little, "Oh well, it's not for everyone after all. I'm here though, every other week if you're interested~" the Sheikah turned away from him, approaching Olkin and Steen, Impa's then current guards who were eyeing him, "Heya Olkin Steen! Long time no see!" His mind still reeling, Dorian had quickly returned to the inn.</p><p>Back now, one week from the day he had first entered this village, still wondering exactly why Master Kohga had sent him here in the first place, Dorian was wandering through the village, not really paying attention to what was happening around him as the depression of the village seemed to penetrate even his own mind, until he found himself colliding with another person.</p><p>Dorian moved back, opening his mouth to apologise until he realised.. oh. Those red eyes.. exactly like they had been that day in Faron.. despite himself, his eyes narrowed. "Kiyah." he said quietly, restrained.</p><p>"Hello Dorian." the Sheikah woman replied, smiling at him. They hadn't spoken at all since the first day he had come to the village almost a week ago, always seemingly missing each other. He still wondered every day why she hadn't gone to Impa, told her there was a Yiga spy in the village.. "I'm going to make some food in the village cooking pot, would you like to join me?" he noticed she had one of those pumpkins that Olkin grew in his time off as well as a few raw meat slices.</p><p>Dorian's lip curled a little, "..Do I have a choice?"</p><p>Kiyah tilted her head at him confused, "You always have a choice."</p><p>He tried not to sneer. Was she mocking him? Clearly Kiyah knew the power she had over him right now. But she was staring at him seemingly confused, her head still tilted and despite everything, he felt the derision in him fade a little. "..Fine."</p><p>Kiyah smiled widely, heading to the cooking pot, and he followed her resignedly. Sitting at the little table he watched as she started to cut open the pumpkin, removing the top and most of the flesh inside, before adding the meat to the lit pot and starting to smash it up with the nearby ladle. He couldn't help but grimace at the sight. Wouldn't it be better to have the meat whole and roasted? Apart from mighty bananas and various banana dishes, there was only one other thing Yiga Clan members liked to eat that not many knew about: meat and poultry. Usally the most common kinds, as prime and gourmet were next to impossible to get unless you went up the Highlands. Eating meat helped reaffirm them to the monsters after all, since they would always eat raw meat in their little camps.</p><p>As he continued to watch her mush up the meat he couldn't help but ask, "..What are you making?"</p><p>"Meat-Stuffed Pumpkin. It's a staple of Sheikah cuisine." When the meat was about half way cooked, Kiyah picked up the pumpkin, using the ladle to pour the meat into it, then dropped the entire pumpkin whole into the cooking pot, which just barely fit. Dorian couldn't help but watch stunned. That thing would be able to feed multiple people, not just one. He had the sneaking suspicion she was going to share it with him and he wasn't sure if he was interested. The vegetables they grew here kind of made him.. queasy. He was used to bananas and pure meat after all, and so far had only been eating simple things like soups, meat dishes and raw fruits (even if he didn't have any of his bananas rations left from the hideout now).</p><p>Dorian watched as the hard flesh of the pumpkin became softer due to the direct heat, while the meat inside the pumpkin was stirred with the ladle, seemingly merging with the remaining left over softer flesh inside. And then before he knew it, the dish had been placed in between them and Kiyah was smiling. "Would you like to try some Dorian?"</p><p>He griamaced slightly at the continued use of his unpure name. He wanted to tell her to stop using it, that he wasn't supposed to have a name but.. she didn't have context for those rules in the Clan. Even back in Faron he hadn't really told her anything about the Clan despite the fact that he was pretty sure he had been developing feelings for her. (<em>No.</em> he scolded himself <em>Its been years since we first met in Faron, and I'm not like that anymore. I feel nothing for her. This is just the mission. That's all.</em>)</p><p>Kiyah was smiling at him with that bright smile. And Dorian had the distinct feeling that unlike every other Sheikah here, her smile was a genuine one. It had been that way back in Faron too.. was it because she had been raised in Hateno and not Kakariko? The way she smiled.. he quickly turned away from her, trying to chase these thoughts away, grabbing a fork and jabbing it maybe a little roughly into the pumpkin's flesh, getting a good amount of the hard flesh as well as the soft meat inside, forcing himself to eat it.</p><p>As the pumpkin hit his back of his mouth though, Dorian froze. He wasn't sure if it was because he had barely eaten much in the past week (or the entirety of his life now that he thought about it) but the pumpkin.. it was soft and tender, had a strange sweetness to it (not overtly sweet like bananas were) and combined with the already delicious meat.. it was like an explosion of taste overwhelming his senses. He should spit this out. But before he knew what he was doing, Dorian had taken another bite and then a third.</p><p>What was happening to him? He hadn't liked any of the other meals he had in the inn but this Meat-Stuffed Pumpkin.. he looked back up to Kiyah's beaming face who was now also eating alongside him and his chest felt.. warm. Content. And he didn't like it.</p><p>(<em>I need to stay away from her.</em>)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two Months</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two months into his imprisonment at Kakariko (and that was genuinely what he was starting to see it like) the first blood moon happened. He sensed it long before the crimson moon even rose in the sky, recognising the conditioned response he had built up over the years, and feeling the slight twinge in his (still uncomfortable) Sheikah clothing. He had been in the inn, reading a book that one Sheikah who lived next door to Kiyah (Cado?) had lent him when he felt the change in his body.</p><p>(<em>No! Nononono!</em>) He squeezed his legs together desperately, hoping to cause pain to try to push the unwanted arousal down. (<em>Not here! Not in Kakariko! I'll be found out!</em>)</p><p>After all normal Hyruleans didn't masturbate on the blood moon, did they?</p><p>The monster in the vessel known as Dorian still remembered the first time he had heard about this certain ritual when he had been in his late teens and had heard a bunch of footsoldiers talking about it. He had been.. disgusted. They were supposed to be purified monsters dedicated to the Great Calamity. Violating your body that way, that was something those disgusting Hyruleans did, not the Yiga Clan.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"But it's the blood moon." the footsoldier had grinned to him, "We're allowed to be indulgent on the blood moon, are we not?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The then teenage Dorian frowned as he crossed his arms, "Is this really a tradition, like our purification ritual?" He felt like he would have heard about it from someone, anyone, before now.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"No no.. not an official one. I doubt Master Kohga knows about this, he's the most pure of all of us after all." the footsoldier sighed, "It just feels so good, to look at the glowing blood moon, to let it consume you, and let yourself go like that."<br/></em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Revolting, he had told himself. He would never find himself doing that.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Oh how wrong he had been. As he had gotten older, and the blood moons became more frequent, he would wander through the halls of the hideout and hear them. Footsoldiers making the most disgusting depraved noises that went right through him and made him feel.. wrong. He felt <em>gross</em> listening to them.</p><p>But the final breaking point had been when he had gone on a mission with Bant, about a year or so before he met Kiyah in Faron. Him and Bant had been somewhere near the Phalian Highlands when they saw it, the blood moon rising in the sky. They were too far away from a settlement or a stable, and they couldn't abandon their mission to go back to the Valley. They had discovered a little cave behind a waterfall near the Lanayru Promenade that had one of those deactivated Sheikah trials in it and decided to wait the night out there.</p><p>Dorian had been dropping off to sleep when he had heard it, the sickening sound of flesh slapping against flesh and Bant's quiet desperate muffled panting on the other side of the shrine. (<em>No.</em>) he told himself, barely unable to believe his own ears. (<em>But.. it's Bant! He HATES being part of the Yiga Clan! Why would he..?!</em>)</p><p>And so Dorian had been stuck there, listening to his desperate rutting partner and hearing the usually unpassionate about <em>anything</em> footsoldier lose his mind in pleasure while his own footsoldier uniform got tighter and tighter.. (<em>I'm better then this.</em>) he had begged hazily in his own mind, feeling himself throb in his uniform. He didn't want this, he didn't even <em>like</em> Bant. He hated the other footsoldier, had resented him ever since the two of them were forced to partner up together when they had both graduated. And he wasn't sure if it was the heat of his own body, or the heat of the blood moon itself consuming him, but evantually it all gotten too much and he too had shoved his hands down into his own uniform, the two repressed young men mindlessly rutting into their own hands on either side of an ancient Sheikah shrine as the blood moon rose higher and higher above them..</p><p>Dorian fled from his own memories and returned to the Kakariko inn, sitting up in the inn's bed, taking a few heavy breaths. He wasn't some horny footsoldier anymore. He was going to be a blademaster soon, the very elite. He bet they didn't do this kind of stuff.</p><p>"Hey Dorian."</p><p>The book fell out his hands and (panting maybe a little too heavy) he turned his grey wide eyes to the innkeeper. The elderly man was sitting in the corner of the inn, his teenage son (Ollie?) cowering next to him. The father had his arms wrapped around the son, comforting him as Ollie wept and the scene looked and felt.. really odd. They were.. scared of the blood moon?</p><p>"It's going to be okay." the elderly inn keeper said to him. "I can't imagine how bad blood moons are in Tabantha, but Olkin and Steen are good guards and Kakariko is safe thanks all the mountain ranges surrounding us. Even if we're attacked, we should be good."</p><p>"Father I'm scared.." Ollie was sobbing and the man smiled sadly, gently stroking the boy's hair.</p><p>Dorian's previous arousal completely evaporated thanks to the scene in front of him. This was <em>wrong</em>. The Sheikah and Yiga Clan might be enemies, but even the Sheikah were supposedly descended from the Great Calamity (albeit not directly). That's why they allowed Sheikah to join the Clan after all. (Although distantly he remembered that <em>anyone</em> could be purified to join their ranks, not just Sheikah..) And yet they were.. terrified. Of the blood moon? Why? His brain just couldn't cope with the reality of the situation in front of him compared to how he had been raised, to revere the blood moon and the monsters and malice..</p><p>Dorian looked down at his hands. The malice burns on his hands were long gone, but even now he vividly remembered his purification ritual when he was six years old.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>It had been him, Bant, and a third trainee that day, as they were the only ones of age at that point in their trainee year. He remembered the first trainee walking up to the barrel of malice, pushing their hand into the malice and starting to recite their oath, but about half way through, the boy suddenly keeled over, collapsing to the ground. Next to him, Bant had released a scream, trembling heavily as one of the blademasters went over to check his pulse. But even at six years old, the child Dorian had already known what had happened.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Dead."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Tsk. What a waste." the other blademaster was overseeing the ritual grumbled. He tilted his head to the bottomless pit in the center and the blademaster that had checked the boy's pulse picked the entire body up with one hand, throwing the trainee into the pit. He heard Bant wail, the boy collapsing onto his knees. But Dorian.. he remained steadfast, eyes hardened over. That wasn't going to happen to him.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Next."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Then it was Bant's turn. The boy was practically howling, screaming his head off that he didn't want to go through with it. The blademaster growled, kicking the boy hard in his stomach and Dorian watched as the six year old vomited onto the ground.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"If you don't get over there right now trainee, I'll throw you into the pit alive."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He watched as Bant wiped his mouth then shakily got to his feet, staggering over to the bubbling barrel of malice. His hand hovered over it and Dorian could see as tears filled the other boys eyes once more. But he had hesitated too long and the next thing Dorian knew, the overseeing blademaster grabbed his hand, pushing it into the malice.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Against his will, Dorian shut his eyes and trembled. He could hear Bant screaming in agony while choking out his oath and somehow.. he didn't know how, Bant survived. He reopened his eyes as he heard Bant return and looked down, seeing the pulsing purple mark on the boy's left hand. Tears were streaming down Bant's eyes and he was barely managing to walk.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Next."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>And then it was Dorian's turn. As he walked over to the barrel of malice he suddenly looked up and realised with a jolt that Master Kohga was watching him. It was the first time the boy had ever seen him in his life. He hadn't been here before with the other two, or if he had Dorian just hadn't noticed him before. The old master's arms were crossed as he sat at the very edge of the open area in the back of the hideout, sitting on the snowy rock that lead up to the Highlands, and there was another blademaster by his side (a much older blademaster considering how shorter they were compared to the ones here for the ritual).</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The elderly blademaster leaned over to the Master, seemingly whispereing something to him so quiet that Dorian couldn't hear, and the Master didn't respond but as Dorian stepped right in front of the barrel of malice, for a moment he could swear the old Master was trembling. Dorian swallowed.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He had to prove himself right now. How loyal he was, how good of a Yiga Clan member he was going to be. He would never get a chance like this again, right here in front of Master Kohga himself. Looking right at Master Kohga, and without the blademaster even telling him to start, the six year old boy plunged both hands into the malice.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The pain was unimaginable and he could feel the stunned reactions of the blademasters rippling through the entire area as he began to speak out his oath. Next to Master Kohga the other blademaster had put her hands to her mask in absolute shock, but Dorian wasn't paying attention to her. His grey eyes were focused on Kohga alone.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>This is what I was born to do. The mantra repeated over and over again in his mind, even as his entire tiny body screamed in pain. As he finished the oath, he could almost hear the blademaster near him stammer.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Y-yes well done trainee. Now if you could just pull your hands out--"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>But he didn't. Dorian began speaking the oath again, louder this time. The mantra, it was all he could think about and everything was going dark around him, the entire world spinning.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>And just before he fell unconscious he could have sworn he heard a panicked voice screaming out, "GET HIM OUT OF THERE NOW!!"</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Dorian reopened his eyes. 'This is what I was born to do.' Even now, the mantra repeated over and over again in his mind. He didn't care about this village. He didn't care about these Sheikah (even if he was starting to learn their names). He didn't care about that girl. He was going to fulfill this spying mission no matter what. Dorian pulled the duvet over himself as the malice particles filled up the inn and the teenage boy's sobbing got louder.</p><p>'I was born for one purpose: to serve the Great Calamity. I am a monster with malice running through my veins. This is what I was born to do. This is what I was born to do. <em>This is what I was born to do</em>.'</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Two Months (& One Day)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dorian woke up the day after the blood moon, hating himself even more. Of course he had dreamt about it again the previous night. The first time he had properly ever indulged himself on the blood moon.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>It was sometime after he met Kiyah in Faron for the first time and the young Sheikah woman would not leave his thoughts. And it was also a blood moon on top of that. Dorian's entire body was hot and he didn't understand why. Her petite gentle hands as she pressed the cloth to his injured arm. Her bright warm smile penetrating his thoughts. It was even worse then that night when they were at that waterfall.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Before he knew what he was doing, Dorian was rising to his feet as he stumbled out of the footsoldier barracks. He needed to clear his mind, meditate, do something, anything. He was absolutely throbbing in his uniform. (What's wrong with me?) he desperately thought to himself. (I shouldn't be feeling like this, these traitorous thoughts for a Sheikah..) He was wandering through the hideout desperately, but there was no-one in the halls. There usually wasn't on a blood moon.</em>
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  <p>
    <em>He just needed to get out of the hideout, he would be fine once he got some cold desert night air into his too hot lungs.</em>
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  <p>
    <em>He needed..</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He needed to see the blood moon.</em>
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    <em>Dorian shuddered and his legs squeezed together desperately as he made his way to the entrance of the hideout. No. No that had been a mistake, a one off, he would never do that again. As he reached the entrance, he could hear the panting. In one of the little enclaves, the night guard was touching themselves too.</em>
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  <p>
    <em>He froze at the sound. It was different from what Bant had sounded like. Wet, almost squishy sounds. And the soft high pitched moans of pleasure.. the night guard was a female footsoldier. His entire face was burning and he pushed the entrance of the hideout open. She hadn't even heard him leave, too wrapped up in her own pleasure.</em>
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  <p>
    <em>Dorian ripped the mask from his face as he breathed in massive gulps of the desert's cold air. He needed to get out of his uniform. It was too hot, too stifling. Maybe he should go up to the Highlands, it would be nice and cold there.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>(I can't. Too many aggressive monsters thanks to the blood moon, I would be in danger.)</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He settled for a cave overlooking the bottomless pit on the otherside of Birida Lookout. It had probably been a weapon stash for the Gerudo in ancient times, as he looked at the various rusted Gerudo weapons that were stored in it. And surprisngly an edge of duality too as he looked at the rare two handed Sheikah blade.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He couldn't stop thinking about the wet noises coming from that other footsoldier and Dorian keeled over onto his knees into the cave. He was thinking about her, the Sheikah he had met in Faron again and before he knew what he was doing, he was rubbing at the bulge in his uniform.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>(STOP IT. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!) He was pure. A pure Yiga Clan member, a loyal devotee of the Calamity, destined for great things. He was going to be a blademaster, he was going to be--</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He pushed one hand into his uniform and let out a desperate sob. It was just as good as he remembered from back then. No, it was even better. Was it because he somewhat knew what he was doing this time, as he stroked himself and remembered what felt good last time? Or was it because he was thinking about her?</em>
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  <p>
    <em>Dorian slapped his free hand over his mouth to muffle his moans as his hand moved a little faster around himself. He felt so guilty. Not just at the idea that he was desecrating their revered blood moon like this but also.. he was feeling guilty about her. That he was stroking himself off to her in the first place. What if she somehow found out about this? Would she be disgusted that a Yiga Clan member was doing this to her memory?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>(I barely know her. She's my enemy.)</em>
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  <p>
    <em>("I don't know about that. I don't see an enemy here, do you?") Her gentle voice came back to him and the next thing he knew he was drooling into his hand as his other hand moved even faster around himself.</em>
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  <p>
    <em>What if.. what if he had convinced her to come back with him to the Clan? As a pureblood Sheikah, she would have been accepted whole heartedly. He could imagine Kiyah now, wearing a footsoldier uniform, training with him, a vicious sickle in her hand, a smirk on her face and her red eyes gleaming at him..</em>
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  <p>
    <em>That fantasy had been his breaking point, shredding what little remained of his restraints. Pressing his forehead into the cool rock floor of the cave, the repressed footsoldier desperately rutted into his hand. What a blissful (sinful) feeling. It felt so good that he was pretty sure he was losing his mind. He wasn't thinking of the blood moon anymore. He was only thinking of her, of Kiyah. What if it was her making those noises that other footsoldier was making back then?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>His other hand left his drooling mouth as he moved to lay on his side, releasing himself for a moment as he pushed down his footsoldier uniform. He looked down at himself. He was completely swollen, throbbing red and there was.. some sort of liquid coming out of the tip. (Pre-come) he distantly remembered from the other footsoldiers talking about it. In all the lessons the Clan had ever given them, no-one had ever taught them about their own bodies. Everything they learned about this kind of thing, they had to learn it themselves.</em>
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  <p>
    <em>He moved his shaky hand to the tip of himself, smearing the liquid around it and he shivered as he tingled all over. One time, he had heard two footsoldiers rutting against each other in an empty room. Dorian wasn't stupid, he knew about sex, but it had been something he never thought he cared about.. until now. He supposed that when he became a blademaster he would have to find another blademaster to be with so they could produce a trainee and continue on the Yiga bloodline.</em>
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  <p>
    <em>What if that blademaster was her? Kiyah.. he wrapped his hand around himself and began snapping his hips more forcefully, thrusting into his hand completely. He was losing himself. He was going to get addicted to this pleasure. He could feel the heat of the blood moon above him outside the cave, and the heat of his own body, and for the first time in his life, it wasn't the Yiga Clan's mantra running through him. It was her name, over and over again in his mind.</em>
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  <p>
    <em>(Kiyah Kiyah Kiyah..)</em>
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    <em>He wanted to be with her. He wanted to make her feel as good as he felt right now. Before he knew what was happening, Dorian was releasing himself in that cave and he desperately thanked the Calamity that he had decided to leave the hideout because the loud cry of her name as he came would have absolutely got him punished.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Back in the inn, Dorian sighed as he placed his hands in his face. How he had managed to control himself last night, he would never know. But the blood moon was gone now, and so were his conditioned responses. With tired grey eyes, he looked up at the inn's door.</p><p>What should he do today..? He could go hunting behind the village he supposed. It had been a blood moon too, so the monsters would need to be taken care of again. And yet.. the mental image of Kiyah as a Yiga Clan member wouldn't leave his mind and suddenly an idea struck him.</p><p>(<em>What if I could get her to betray the Sheikah and come back with me when I get recalled back to Karusa Valley?</em>)</p><p>Kiyah hadn't even been born here, had she? She had been born in Hateno. She likely didn't have any strong attachments to the Sheikah, not like the Sheikah who were born here did. And the Yiga Clan had already won this war. Many Sheikah, even ones who <em>had</em> been born here had joined them over the years. The monster instead the vessel called Dorian.. his monster guts were pounding inside his body.</p><p>He hadn't been told much of this mission, just to go to Kakariko and spy for the Clan. But.. maybe <em>this</em> was the reason why he had been sent to Kakariko in the first place, to recruit Sheikah for the Clan? It was certainly possible.</p><p>(<em>I can do this.</em>)</p><p>He just had to tell her how as how as a member of the Clan, you could be part of something greater then you could ever be seperate. And the depression here.. it was stifling, miserable, overwhelming. Despite how genuine her smile had seemingly been, there's no way the mood here wasn't affecting her. He had only been here for two months and it was affecting <em>him</em>.</p><p>The Clan could make her feel whole. Happy. He could make her feel.. loved. Dorian had completely made up his mind. He was going to convert Kiyah to the Yiga Clan.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Five Months</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were up in Rabia Plain and Kiyah had placed a a large cloth down on the grass by the pond. Wearing his traditional (and still very uncomfortable) Sheikah clothing, Dorian moved to sit down on the cloth as the Sheikah woman hummed and opened up the basket she was carrying.</p><p></p><blockquote>
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    <em>"A.. picnic?" Dorian frowned, "What's a picnic?"</em>
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    <em>Her eyes grew sadened at that, "It's just a meal outside."</em>
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    <em>"But we already eat outside." </em>
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    <em>"No it's.." Kiyah hummed softly as she shut her eyes, crossing her arms as she pondered, "Different from eating at the cooking pot. You get a nice surrounding view and we get to enjoy each other's company some more. I really think you would enjoy it Dorian."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Dorian watched her out of one eye as she unloaded the various food items she had brought out. There was a loaf of wheat bread, two slices of carrot cake and two strange pink bottles he didn't recognise.</p><p>(<em>Some sort of elixir?</em> He pondered to himself.) He had seen many elixirs over the years with the amount of times he had ended up in the infirmary, but never a pink bottle. As he thought of the infirmary though, memories of their medic, the Hylian Dot came to him, then. The medic's reactions to him alone had always seemed.. odd. He never seemed to react that way to any other Yiga Clan member who came into his infirmary, but when it was Dorian there, he always seemed more frantic then usual, practically begging him to stop exhausting himself. Maybe it was because of his purification ritual. He still remembered how frantic they all were as he flitted in and out of sleep, his burned hands pulsing with pain.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Why did you let him put both hands in the malice?! And for so long?!"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"I.. I didn't! He did that all by himself!" A hand was stroking through his dyed black hair.. and he could swear that he faintly hear.. crying? Who was that?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>He shook the barely remembered memories of his traineehood away. No time to think about those things right now, he was wholly focused on his mission to convert Kiyah to the Clan. He had been getting closer with her these last months, helping her with tasks she needed, eating meals with her at the cooking pot, having light conversations here and there, nothing too heavy (not about the Clan) just about life and how he was doing here in Kakariko and how she was..</p><p>And now the two were seperate from the rest of the Village. It was actually perfect. Today, he steeled himself, he was going to talk to her about the Clan today.</p><p>Dorian watched as Kiyah cut open the wheat bread, spreading it with some soft goat butter she had and handing a slice to him. Dorian moved to sit up, smiling at her. "Thank you Kiyah." It was weird, saying 'thank you' to another person, but he could do this.</p><p>Kiyah just beamed at him as Dorian began to eat the bread. It was soft and warm, having only been baked before the two came out here to Rabia Plains. He had eaten so many different things he wasn't used to the past few months and he liked to think he was developing a good palette. It was going to be.. odd, when they returned to the Clan and he went back to bananas and roasted meat. (<em>Odd?</em> he frowned as the weird thought came into his mind <em>Why would it be odd? I'm used to that, bananas and meat.</em>)</p><p>As he finished the slice, he began to speak, "Kiyah, may I ask you something?"</p><p>"Mmhm. Sure."</p><p>He took in a breath, "..Why haven't you told any of the village about me?"</p><p>She froze with the half eaten slice of bread still in her mouth, and then she was looking away from him. "Um.. y-you mean about the Yiga Clan right?" she was whispering very quietly, looking around making sure no-one was around.</p><p>"It's alright." Dorian spoke, smiling at her, "I understand, you're curious aren't you? About the Clan? What do you want to know?"</p><p>"I.. I don't.." Kiyah seemed to be struggling with her words and Dorian nudged a little more, "I don't mind, I can tell you anything you want to know." Kiyah had been a researcher's daughter. Her natural curiousity, it was overwhelming her Sheikah instincts. She had asked about it back then in Faron after all too..</p><p>"..Do you have any of the weapons on you?" he blinked at that. That.. wasn't what he was expecting. Kiyah continued, "Vicious sickle, duplex bow, demon carver.." He looked at her a little stunned. She knew all the names of their weapons? Even the rarer demon carver.. "I know you're not a blademaster so you won't have a windcleaver but.."</p><p>Okay, now he was more curious himself. "..How do you know so much already?"</p><p>She let out a hum as she continued to eat her bread a little slower, "From my father."</p><p>Her.. father? Suddenly, Dorian shivered and was fully aware. "..Was he a former Clan member?" He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of that.</p><p>"O-oh no, nothing like that.." she stammered a little. "We just had a book about the Sheikah and Yiga Clan history that used to be in the castle's library. I think it used to belong to Purah's researcher friend Robbie, but he gave it to her before the castle fell, and then she gave it to my father."</p><p>Dorian swallowed a little nervously. He needed to get that book before they left Kakariko. Maybe he could convince her to give it to him. Having Yiga Clan secrets out in the open like that was not a good idea. "Where's that book right now?"</p><p>"Hmm.. probably with Purah again back in Hateno. I was allowed to keep any of my father's books about Hyrule's mythology and Heroes, but she took back all the ones about specific Sheikah history."</p><p>(<em>Damn.</em>) He wouldn't be able to get it back from Hateno Tech Lab. The elderly Sheikah woman was too good. Then he noticed she was looking at him and.. oh right, he hadn't answered her first question had he? Dorian sighed, "I don't have any of the weapons on me, no. Wouldn't be very smart if a supposed Sheikah had Yiga weapons. All I have on me is an eightfold blade and phrenic bow from our training rooms."</p><p>"I see.." she looked a bit sadened at that and he smiled internally at the little victory. She wanted to hold a Yiga weapon! That was good, a good sign! "I know I saw your duplex bow back at Faron, but you had no arrows then and neither did I at that moment. I just.." she looked away guiltily, "I just wanted to see how it felt, you know? I've heard its really hard, trying to fire two arrows from a duplex bow."</p><p>Dorian hummed, smiling widely as he looked at the sun above, blanketed in thick white clouds, "It's daunting at first I'll admit, but once you get used to it, you'll never want to go back to a simple bow like the phrenic bow." he looked at her lazily through one eye, "And besides, there's a weapon you haven't mentioned." A much lesser known one, one that was never used outside the hideout.</p><p>She looked at him, with wide red eyes. He had piqued her interest. "..Oh?"</p><p>Dorian grinned, "Shield of the inverted eye." He could see it in his mind now, the shield that looked like an upside down version of the shield of the mind's eye that went unused, even in training. It.. wasn't a very good shield to be honest. Their ancestors had made it thousands of years ago, and tried to make it everything the shield of the mind's eye wasn't. Metal compared to the Sheikah's wooden, blood red instead of the brown colour with a blue eye pattern instead of the yellow (he supposed their ancestors had a lot more respect for the Sheikah monks if they had based the eye itself on the Sheikah shrines, even if it was hard to concieve now). The shield was extremely gaudy to look at and very heavy to actually hold, so it had mostly gone ignored in the centuries that had followed.</p><p>Her red eyes lit up, "Shield of the inverted eye.. can you tell me about it?"</p><p>Dorian chuckled softly, "Of course." and he explained all about the shield as they continued to eat, finishing off the bread and moving to the soft carrot cake (he was surprised at how delicious it was. The idea of carrot, a vegetable, in a cake, which was supposed to be sweet, hadn't sounded appealing to him at all, but the cake was moist and surprisngly light and it was perfect after that heavy bread they had eaten).</p><p>As Dorian was about half way through his cake slice, Kiyah was now nodding at him, as he finished telling her about the shield, "I see.." she let out a hum as she reached for one of the pink bottles, pulling the stopper and taking a small drink, "Doesn't seem like it's a very good shield. The whole point of the shield of the mind's eye is it's a light wooden shield for quick combat, intended to decrease blind spots. Your one seems kind of.. heavy. And because it's upside down, you have the smaller part at the top. Not very good to shield yourself."</p><p>Dorian chuckled, "Yes, our ancestors realised that too after they made it. Only a few have survived this long, being abandoned in one of the back rooms of our hideout. Still, it's a part of our history so we try to keep it there." Dorian let out a cackle, "You should have seen my idiot partner when he tried to to pick one up. He got stuck under the metal and we had to call for a blademaster to get it off him." Kiyah frowned at him, but Dorian continued, "He got punished particuarly bad for that one."</p><p>"..Punished?" Dorian looked over at her, and her curiosity had disappeared, a look of concern on her face. Why did she look like that? "Why are you laughing? Your partner was just a child, he was curious about his own history, that's all."</p><p>Despite himself, Dorian shivered. Why was her look of disapproval making him feel weird? He waved his hand at her nonchalantly. "That's just how the blademasters are. We're lucky they didn't punish the rest of <em>us</em> for disturbing them." he needed to shift the conversation and he sat up to grab the other pink bottle, "Anyway, I think I deserve to ask a question now. What is this? Obviously it's some sort of elixir, but I've never seen it before."</p><p>"..Tonic." she mumbled, looking away from him. Kiyah had seemed so open and curious before, but now she was distant and colder. Dorian pulled the stopper, taking a sniff. Sweet, fragrant, light.. he took a small drink. It was bubbly, refreshing and he was perked up immediately (the sweetness almost reminded him of mighty bananas but he had a feeling that was just because it was the closest thing he could think off. The drink seemed almost otherworldly). "Wow, Kiyah, that's <em>delicious</em>."</p><p>He turned to look at her, but then was stunned as she moved to stand, "I'm sorry Dorian, this was a mistake I need to get back to the village."</p><p>"H-hey!" he moved to stand, staring at her with panicked grey eyes, and reached out for her arm, she looked at him and he staggered back, dropping his hand from her arm. She seemed.. scared. Of him? Dorian swallowed nervously, "Y-you're not going to tell the village about me, are you?"</p><p>"..No."</p><p>He let out the shaky breath he had been holding, looking at his own hands. What had he done wrong? He was just telling her about the Clan that's all.. as she cleared up the rest of the picnic (giving him the rest of the carrot cake and the now half empty tonic bottle, even though he really didn't want to finish it without her) and packed away the cloth, Dorian followed her dejectedly from the back in silence.</p><p>Once they returned to the village, Kiyah went back to her home without another word and Dorian was left to return to the inn. He heard footsteps from behind him and saw Cado rushing up behind him. "Hey." the other Sheikah muttered, "How did it go?"</p><p>Dorian forced a smile on his face, explaining they enjoyed some nice food and watched the scenery. Cado seemed to nod, "Well, keep at it. I know she likes you after all."</p><p>Kiyah.. liked him? Dorian swallowed thickly as he returned to the inn. Liked.. <em>him</em>? What did Cado mean by that? As the events of that day rewound in his head, he wondered if it was mentioning the punishment that had set her off. Was Kiyah worried that she would get punished if she went to the Clan with him?</p><p>(<em>No I wouldn't allow that to happen.</em>) Dorian thought to himself. (<em>I'll train her myself, Kiyah will be the best footsoldier in the Clan, second only to me.</em>)</p><p>Dorian just had to be more careful with what he said in the future. He would win her over, he knew it, he just had to be patient. He could be patient. Dorian had already been here in this village for five months after all, and everything was setting into a somewhat boring (and a little depressing) monotomy. And somehow.. he found himself surprised that he was actually <em>hoping</em> that Master Kohga wouldn't call him back just yet.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Seven Months</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The burgeoning relationship between the Yiga spy and the Sheikah woman had been tense ever since the picnic. They were back to how they were at the beginning. Maybe on occasion they would share a meal at the cooking pot together, but the conversation between them was civil at best, Kiyah acting more like the other villagers then her usual self and Dorian found he missed it terribly. He missed her smile, and her laugh.. and somewhere in the back of his mind, he <em>hated</em> that he missed it.</p><p>(<em>Call me back home Master. I want to come home.</em>)</p><p>He found himself behind the village in the little forest there hunting a lot these days. That was where he had been told to meet up when it was time for his mission to be over. But day after day, there was no-one there. One day he had been so frustrated at the lack of news from the hideout that he had thrown his eightfold blade in the pond there. And the next thing he knew he had been on his knees and his face felt wet.</p><p>He had been.. crying?</p><p>That wasn't like him at all.</p><p>Bant cried, Bant cried constantly, about anything and everything it seemed, but Dorian never did. Not even at his own purification ritual. Next thing he knew, Dorian had punched himself in the face to make himself stop. What was happening to him? Was it this village? Was the depression finally getting to him? He punched himself again, this time in his stomach and retched a little, his body shaking from his own abuse. (<em>This place is making me weak.</em>) He desperately thought to himself. (<em>I need to be punished.</em>)</p><p>"Stop it, what are you doing?!" His eyes widened and he looked up to see Kiyah standing above him, standing on the little bridge, her red eyes wide and her hands over her mouth. He must have had a pitiful look on his face, because she was walking towards him, a firm look in her red eyes. "Dorian--"</p><p>"Don't call me that!" he snapped out before he could stop himself, and the Sheikah woman stepped back in shock. The world felt like it was spinning around him, but somehow he could still see her.</p><p>"W-what do you.."</p><p>"That's not my name."</p><p>Kiyah looked miserable. "..I see. So, the first name you gave me back in Faron, that really was your true name?"</p><p>"That's not my name either."</p><p>Kiyah swallowed, looking confused but even <em>more</em> miserable, "I guess I was foolish to expect you to tell me your real name. You are Yiga Clan after all."</p><p>His face felt hot. "I don't have a name!" he heard himself speak out, before he could stop himself and then he was looking at her, a desperate look in his grey eyes as he trembled on his knees, "Names are worthless and unpure, a distraction. I shed my name when I became a footsoldier. I'm only a monster now, a devotee of the Great Calamity." he could feel his tears running down his face again, "I'm a monster a <em>monster</em> monstermonstermonster.." Where was his mask? Where was his footsoldier uniform? Why wasn't he wearing them?</p><p>"Stop. <em>Stop</em>!" Kiyah was rushing for him, and he collapsed in front of the bridge. His face was burning up and her arms were wrapping around him and then he completely sank into darkness.</p>
<hr/><p>The monster woke up in a comfortable bed and had no idea where he was. There was a damp warm cloth pressed to his forehead.</p><p>He could hear voices near him, male and female, "Kiyah what happened?"</p><p>"I think Dorian's just sick Cado. He's been overworking himself for the village the past seven months, taking care of our monster problem, hunting for us. He's barely been eating either."</p><p>..Village? Why was he in a village? He should be back in Karusa Valley. He tried to move, but he couldn't even move a finger.</p><p>"Perhaps we should write a letter to Tabantha? Maybe he just needs to go home."</p><p>(<em>Home.. I want to go home..</em>)</p><p>"No, I'll take care of him. Just, go be with your own wife okay Cado?</p><p>The door shut and then there was footsteps coming over to him. He tried to open his eyes, but the whole room was spinning around him.</p><p>"You're awake.." the woman sobbed and then there was a hand gently pressing to his (too hot) face, "Thank the Goddess.."</p><p>He hissed angrily and tried to pull away from the presence. (<em>Goddess? No, that's not who I worship.</em>)</p><p>"O-oh, sorry." the woman hiccuped, "You probably prefer Calamity don't you?"</p><p>He slumped back in the bed. "Who.. are you?" the monster heard himself croak out.</p><p>"Don't worry about that. You can see me as a monster if you like, just like you." he felt the presence move the cloth that was on his face, hearing it being dunked into a bucket of water and then placed back on his forehead. Oh.. that was better. It was lovely and cool now.</p><p>The presence leaned over and then he felt something gentle and soft being pressed to his left cheek. He wasn't sure what that was, but it felt nice..</p><p>"Just get some sleep, alright?"</p><p>He couldn't help but obey, drifting back into sleep.</p>
<hr/><p>The next time he woke up, Dorian remembered exactly where he was. Kakariko Village. He was on a spying mission, sent directly by Master Kohga himself. He felt cool and he looked down at himself. He had been pulled out of his Sheikah clothing that he had been given by the Clan and was wearing some simple night garments (the inn's probably). The night air through the small window felt cool and he reopened his eyes, looking around. Then paused, frowning a little.</p><p>This wasn't the inn. It wasn't big enough to be the inn. Where was he? His eyes found Kiyah's form, she was sitting next to the bed in a chair, her arms crossed as she dozed lightly. Her face looked tear stricken and Dorian swallowed painfully. He looked around the place. Behind her chair there was a dresser and a bookcase, there was also a table on the floor with some pillow like chairs just like the inn's table, as well as a chest. Above the table and dresser there was a little loft like area with a ladder leading up to it. It seemed like it was only used for storage as there was just more chests up there.</p><p>(<em>I'm in her house.</em>) He realised with a shock. (<em>I think I was sick and delirious? That seems right. I could have said anything. She brought me here so I wouldn't reveal myself as a spy.</em>) He stared at the Sheikah woman and felt stunned. What was <em>with</em> her? Kiyah was actively keeping his secret now. (<em>She's basically a traitor to her own people.</em>)</p><p>Cado's voice was ringing in his ears.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I know she likes you after all."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Dorian could feel himself smiling, despite comine out of just being sick. Had.. had he won her over? He had barely done anything and yet..</p><p>"Kiyah." he croaked out and the woman's eyes opened immediately, moving down from the chair to his side.</p><p>"You're okay, Do--" but then she froze and her hands covered her mouth, her red eyes widening. He frowned. What was with that reaction? Where had he been before he ended up here? The last thing he remembered was going hunting in the forest behind the village..</p><p>"<em>Kiyah</em>." he croaked out again, and he was reaching for her hand under the duvet.</p><p>But.. she wouldn't move back towards him. Groaning a little, Dorian moved to sit up. His throat felt hoarse and he let out a little cough, and then finally she was moving, bringing him a cup of water.</p><p>"Here." she whispered quietly to him, "Slowly though. You've been out of it for almost a day now." he took the cup and drank slowly, the cool water hitting the back of his throat and he let out a sigh of relief, before turning to her. His grey eyes were soft.</p><p>"Come away with me Kiyah."</p><p>Her red eyes widened and she backed away from him again, "E-excuse me?"</p><p>"Come back with me to Karusa Valley. The Clan, they would take you in. You would be <em>happy</em> there, I promise you."</p><p>Her hands flew to her mouth and she was shaking terribly. "Are you <em>insane</em>?!" she was whispering as quietly as possible, but he could feel the nausea pouring off her and frowned.</p><p>"..What's wrong?"</p><p>"Dorian, you told me that the Clan told you that you're a monster, with malice running through your veins. That your name means <em>nothing</em>."</p><p>He completely froze, dropping the now empty cup to the bed. When had he..?!</p><p>"N-no, it's okay, honestly it's not as bad as it sounds--"</p><p>But she was backing away from him to the door.</p><p>"You realise that's messed up what you were told, right? You're not a monster, you're a person."</p><p>..Person? His throat felt stuck and he must have been staring at her helplessly.</p><p>"Stay here in my house tonight okay?" Kiyah was whispering lowly to him, "I've got some leftover apples and vegetables in my chest if you get hungry. I'll stay in the inn tonight."</p><p>"K-Kiyah, Kiyah, <em>wait</em>--!"</p><p>But she was gone, and he heard the shutter lock behind, locking him in Kiyah's home for the night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Nine Months</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was even worse now then it was before. The day after Kiyah had come to let him out and they hadn't even spoken as she retook her home, and he went back to the inn. Dorian had pressed his head to the pillow and knew he was an <em>idiot</em>. All because of one weak moment, he had failed in his mission. Now what was he supposed to do?</p><p>Dorian thought about leaving. He could just.. go back to the hideout and tell them that he had been caught, that he barely made it away with his life. But that would be a failed mission, and he refused to have a failed mission on his records. What would happen to his blademaster training? Would he be put back on day one footsoldier duty? Dorian couldn't bear that. And so.. despite all of his instincts as a Yiga Clan member screaming at him, he ended up staying.</p><p>He waited for the two guards to come in and pull him away, to pull him in front of Impa (who even after all this time, he <em>still</em> hadn't met) for Kiyah to reveal the truth about him with hateful eyes (why did his stomach twist like that at the idea of her hating him?). But as the hours trickled away, it just didn't happen. He just ended up sitting there on his bed in the inn, feeling numb.</p><p>The inn keeper's boy delivered his meal and he barely ended up tasting it. Hours turned into days, and days into weeks. Before he had known it, almost two months had passed since he woke up in Kiyah's home.</p><p>And he was still here, in Kakariko. But she had <em>gone</em>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Gone?" he stared at Cado stunned. "Where is she?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The other Sheikah had a sympathetic look in his eyes, "Kiyah used to travel a lot when she was younger. She said she wanted to do a little bit more of it, so she took her horse Firly from the Dueling Peaks stable. Said she wouldn't be long. Probably."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Dorian felt even more miserable now then he had before. He returned to his usual routine. Hunt. Kill monsters. Eat. Sleep. He noticed how the other Sheikah were talking to him a lot more now though, they would give him stuff, even though he didn't need it. He had plenty of rupees to keep him lasting for years, for a bed in the inn and for hot meals.</p><p>Then one day, Olkin and Steen called out to him, "Hey Dorian." He glanced over at them with tired eyes. "Elder Impa wants to meet you." He swallowed nervously. Well, here we go then. Kiyah's house was still locked up from that night all those months ago, so maybe she had sent a letter to explain everything. Walking up the stairs towards Impa's was the most difficult thing he had done so far, but he pushed himself forwards anyway, taking a deep breath, before opening the door.</p><p>Dorian stepped into the house and heard the two guards come in behind him. (<em>Kill me quickly.</em>) He thought numbly even though he knew he didn't deserve it. Calamity, maybe even his Yiga senses were dull after all these months being here in Kakariko. He couldn't sense weapons on them and that couldn't be right. He looked up, removing his Sheikah hat as he bowed to the Sheikah elder.</p><p>His voice was stuck in his throat, but he somehow managed to act as if he didn't know the reason he had been called here, "Elder Impa, I've heard so much about you from my Sheikah guard ancestors who helped the Hylians flee to Tabantha after the Great Calamity and ended up settling there, it's an honour to finally meet you."</p><p>"Ahh.." the elder Sheikah peered at him from under her large Sheikah hat, "You're.. Dorian correct?"</p><p>"Yes elder."</p><p>She smiled warmly at him, and his stomach twisted. (<em>Does she still not know?</em>) "Do you like Kakariko?"</p><p>"..Yes." somehow, against all odds, even though he knew he shouldn't, he was starting to like this place. He liked his strange blossoming friendship with Cado (who was starting to remind him more and more of Bant every day which made him feel.. weirdly guilty in a way he didn't understand) and he liked the warm smiles of the villagers when he traded them the monster parts and food he had hunted. The Sheikah of Kakariko might have been a broken people, and yet..</p><p>"Do you miss.. Tabantha?" maybe if he wasn't feeling completely numb he would have noticed the little hesitation in her voice before she mentioned his supposed home settlement but as it was, he didn't notice at all.</p><p>"I do, it was where I was born, but.." he swallowed thickly, "all my family are long gone. That's why I came here in the first place, as I was curious about my ancestor's home village."</p><p>Impa shut her eyes, "I've heard from my villagers about you, you know. All the things you've done for us over the months, without even a shred of payment for yourself."</p><p>Dorian swallowed thickly, "..It didn't feel right. I know how much the Sheikah have suffered and you all barely know me.."</p><p>"You know, the amount of rupees you would have earned by now would total about.." she let out a contemplative hum, "..I think, just over three thousand rupees."</p><p>What.. what was she saying? Dorian felt more and more confused the longer he was here. After nine months and everything that happened between him and Kiyah, had he <em>still</em> not been discovered?</p><p>"Do you want to go back to Tabantha?"</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Why are you laughing? Your partner was just a child, he was curious about his own history, that's all."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"You realise that's messed up what you were told, right? You're not a monster, you're a person."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Dorian was still on one knee, bowed over to Impa, and his legs were trembling and he was pretty sure he was going to be sick, "..No. I don't think I do." (<em>I'm lying. This is just a lie so they accept me.</em>)</p><p>Impa was walking towards him and she was smiling softly, "Then I think it's time we make this official, don't you Dorian?" she was handing over a piece of parchment and an ink pen to him and he stared at it numbly. House documents? Before he knew what he was doing, he had taken the documents, written his name ('Dorian') and his old settlement ('Tabantha Village') and then Impa retook the documents, wrote in the new settlement box ('Kakariko Village') and signed it with her signature.</p><p>About an hour later (after most of the village had congratulated him) Dorian found himself in the outhouse of his new home (one of the spare ones in the back behind the inn), and even after he had vomited everything leftover in his stomach, found he couldn't stop retching into the bowl. There were tears running down his face and he hated himself so much it <em>burned</em>.</p><p>(<em>Master Kohga, why haven't you called me back yet? Why am I still here?</em>)</p><p>Even now, the mantra was still running through his mind, but he felt so numb he could barely hear it.</p><p>'This is what I was born to do.'</p><p>(<em>Was I really born to stay here in a broken village for over almost nine months doing nothing?</em>)</p><p>'I am a monster with malice running through my veins.'</p><p>(<em>Right now I'm basically Sheikah.</em>)</p><p>'I serve the Great Calamity.'</p><p>(<em>But the Calamity hurt all these people. They're all miserable and broken because of what happened back there in the castle.</em>)</p><p>That last one especially hurt him and he didn't know <em>why</em>.</p><p>(<em>Am I.. a traitor to the Clan?</em>)</p><p>He felt himself retching again but there was nothing else in him. He didn't know how it had happened, but right now, Kiyah was the furthest thing from his mind. All he felt now was an overpowering, overwhelming guilt threatening to completely destroy him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Ten Months</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first night in his new home, Dorian had a nightmare about a lesser known ritual in the Yiga Clan: the reunification ceremony. Not many, even those in the Clan, knew about it, as the Clan were especially sensitive when it came to betrayal. He had only found about it because one day he had been just outside the purification chamber and he had heard it. The <em>screaming</em>. And the thrashing. There must have been.. about five people in the purification chamber. That was unusual, usually there was just one blademaster and whoever they were punishing.</p><p>He had asked about it one time to one of his blademaster teachers when the training room was empty and the blademaster had been so angry, Dorian was pretty sure <em>he</em> was about to get thrown in the chamber for the first time ever for his insolence but then.. the blademaster sighed and forced themselves to relax.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"You're my best student after all footsoldier, so fine, I'll tell you. If I find out you've told ANYONE though.." he could feel the blademaster glaring at him through his mask and Dorian swallowed nervously.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>So he had found out about this reunification ceremony. It was an option they give to traitors after one was discovered. Be killed by the clan, or come back and go through the ceremony. Most refused and were killed. But for those very rare few who accepted.. he still remembered the blademaster showing him the little weapon he had never seen before. It was like some sort of bokoblin club, but smaller and thinner. It was mostly black but the hilt was crimson. The club had a button on it with the inverted eye on it and when the blademaster pressed the button, small electrical shocks were coming out of the top of the weapon. It must have been powered by a lightning rod.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"We Yiga don't like talking about our traitors after all. Let's hope we never have anymore traitors, so you never have to force a footsoldier to go through this when you become blademaster."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>He dreamt he was put through it. Having his Sheikah clothing ripped from him and burnt (when did it start feeling more comfortable then his footsoldier uniform? He didn't even remember) being tased with that Yiga club while being forced to repeat his mantra over and over again and then being repurified. Being repurified wasn't like the purification ritual. They had a special mould shaped in the inverted eye. The blademasters would drip malice into the mould right on your chest so everytime you took your off your footsoldier uniform to sleep you would see the malice burn on your chest (right over your guts) and be reminded of where you belonged. Then after that, the blademasters would force you back into your footsoldier uniform, re-dye your hair black, and finally your mask.</p><p>(<em>I'm a spy.</em>) He reminded himself over and over again as he trembled on his new bed. (<em>They know I'm a spy. If they come back for me they wouldn't make me go through that.</em>)</p><p>..'If' they come for me? When did it change from 'when' to 'if'?</p><hr/><p>A few weeks later it was late at night and he found himself thinking about a time he watched over a group of trainees when he had been a young footsolider. There was a certain trainee in that group he particuarly had his eye on and he watched as the trainee managed to knock over five other trainees with his sickle before he too was caught off guard by another. That trainee was going to be a good footsoldier, probably the best of his class. Then Dorian was forced to go on a mission with Bant and he was reminded why he hated the other footsoldiers guts.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>They were in Taobab Grassland, looking up at the decaying outer walls of the Great Plateau. They weren't supposed to be here, they should have been continuing north, but the next thing he knew they were at the walls of the Great Plateau.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"What do you think is up there Dorian?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Beneath his mask, his eyes narrowed at Bant's insistence of continuing to use his name and he kicked a small rock he had found towards the group of horses further down, making them startle and run off. "The Great Plateau. You should know this."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"I'm going up there."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>His eyes widened, "W-what?! No you're not, you won't be able to climb that far!" he watched stunned as Bant ran forwards and attempted to climb the rock and wall. "Bant!!" he heard himself yelling the footsoldiers name, "Don't be an idiot, get down!"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He watched as Bant continued to climb, and then, despite everything screaming at him, Dorian moved to follow. Why should he care? If that idiot got himself killed, it would just be a relief, getting this dead weight removed from himself and yet.. he had been given this partner hadn't he? Was this some sort of mission? Trying to make Bant a better footsoldier, trying to motivate him.. "BANT!!"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>And so the two of the had climbed until finally, they somehow reached the top of the Great Plateau and Dorian felt his clothed hand touch snow similar to the Highlands, looking up to his partner who was panting heavily laying on his back in the snow. Bant had his mask removed, placed next to him and his face was red from exhaustion from the climb.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Dorian didn't want to admit it, but the climb up to the Plateau was absolutely grueling. He looked backwards down to Taobab Grassland and was stunned. They were so high up.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Bant was laughing, despite him still panting. "That was great. What a work out, huh Dorian?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"You're an idiot." Dorian muttered, his mask pressed to the snow. It wasn't as cold up here as it was in the Highlands, but he still shivered a little. They were lucky their proper footsoldier uniforms had a bit of insulation for the cold, since they lived in the desert after all.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The two footsoldiers evantually managed to get to to their feet, looking around the area and Dorian wondered if they were the first to come up here since the Calamity happened. However now that they were here, he noticed a strange sort of fog surrounding the Plateau that he hadn't seen here before. Their feet crunching in the snow, Bant was moving to a slightly taller mountain not that far from them, probably to get a better look at the whole Plateau. Dorian followed and frowned as he tried to remember from his trainee days what each part of the Great Plateau was called.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>There was the Temple of Time of course, and the three smaller buildings just south of it.. Eastern Abbey.. that had been some sort of cathedral back in the day, like Castle Town's Hyrule Cathedral. Like the other buildings, that too was falling apart.. Forest of Spirits and Hopper Pond.. the River of the Dead was a massive river with a waterfall that led down to the water surrounding Digdogg Suspension Bridge so that would make this mountain in front of him..</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Dorian froze completely as his hatred started to burn inside him. "Mount Hylia." There was a strange rock formation on the peak and.. he stared. Next to it there was a person on the peak he hadn't been there before, who Dorian could barely see (brown heavy clothing, a hood.. carrying some sort of lantern) and he heard Bant scream out, tumbling backwards from where he had been trying to climb.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The fog was getting thicker around the two footsoldiers and the next thing they knew they were back down at Taobab Grassland. Bant yelled out, looking around panicked. "What was that?!" But Dorian hurriedly grabbed his partner's hand, noting as he did that even he was trembling, as the two headed west back to Gerudo Canyon Pass. Cursed. The Great Plateau must be cursed.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Dorian reopened his eyes, laying back on his bed in his new home. Bant.. he really had treated his partner poorly over the years hadn't he? Dorian swallowed. He had ratted Bant out that day and despite being a footsoldier, he watched as the blademaster took him back to the purification chamber anyway.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Why do you let that trainee follow us around?" Bant grumbled and Dorian could swear for a moment Bant sounded.. jealous? "We're footsoldiers, he's just a trainee.."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Because he's competent and actually works hard, unlike you." Dorian heard himself spit out.</em>
  </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>
    <em>He watched the trainee's eyes light up as Dorian handed him his duplex bow and taught him how to use it, years before he should have had the option to train with one himself (Why not? I sneaked into the the archery room and practiced with one when I was a trainee, so why not give him a head start?)</em>
  </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>
    <em>Sometime after the trainee had become a footsoldier (and after he first met Kiyah in Faron) the three of them were around a campfire somewhere in Gerudo territory and Dorian and the now footsoldier were excitedly talking about becoming blademasters one day while Bant just looked miserable on the other end of the campfire, while slowly eating a mighty banana.</em>
  </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>
    <em>"I wish he was my partner instead of you." Dorian snapped at Bant angrily one day after one particuarly bad mission that they just barely managed to succeed at and the footsoldier looked at him miserably.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"You.. you don't mean that.." Bant was muttering quietly, "We have fun don't we.. deep down, I like to think that we're.. fr-fr-frie--" he was stammering and then Dorian was rushing forwards, ripping the mask from Bant's face.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"What, you think we're 'friends'?" Dorian laughed bitterly. "You're pathetic Bant. There's no such things as friends in the Yiga Clan. We're monsters who serve the Great Calamity. Even monsters would take advantage of each other to get the upper hand in a fight, like how moblins pick up bokoblins to throw them."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Bant was looking away from him, a miserable look on his face, but Dorian grabbed his chin, forcing the other footsoldier to look at his own masked face. "What are you footsoldier?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"D-don't!" Bant winced his eyes shut, "Don't talk to me like you're a blademaster Dori--!"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The future blademaster in training (they had just gotten the official call, they were both going to start training in about a week) hissed and kicked his knee out, shoving it into Bant's stomach and the other footsoldier retched and collapsed onto his knees.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Don't call me that name." The monster spat, "I'm going to be a blademaster soon." He reached down, grabbing Bant's face again, forcing him to look up at him. Bant looked up at him miserably and.. Calamity, was he actually leaning into the touch? After Dorian had just kicked him?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"What are you?" The monster asked again.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"I'm.." Bant took a deep breath and swallowed, "I'm a monster with malice running through my veins.. I'm loyal to the Great Calamity."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"And?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Being a Yiga Clan member.. serving the Great Calamity.. this is what I was born to do." Bant looked the most miserable Dorian had ever seen him before in his life.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The monster released his partner's face, "Good. Then I'll see you in blademaster training next week."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He had only gotten a few days of it though, basic training how to hold a windcleaver (a training one), before the call came out for him. He was going to Kakariko.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>There were tears running down Dorian's face. Everybody here in Kakariko was so kind despite the suffering they had gone through and he.. (<em>I was terrible. I was an absolutely terrible person. I hurt Bant.. and that footsoldier..</em>) that footsoldier would be going through blademaster training in a few years himself too. He would succeed. Of course he would. He was just too good. (<em>Would that have been me had I not been sent here to Kakariko?</em>)</p><p>'It can still be you'. His mantra crooned to him and he almost retched at the sound of it in the back of his mind. 'You're not a traitor. Just be patient little monster, they will call you back, they will. The Clan won't just leave you here to rot in their enemy's village. You're going to become a blademaster remember? Like you promised Master Kohga. You're going to help make the Clan the best it can be for another ten thousand years..'</p><p>It was like the mantra had a hold on his mind. Like it was another version of him, crooning to him, keeping him in the fog that he had been in his entire life. Dorian looked down to his open chest in his home. It had the backpack he had brought from the Clan, which had his storage talisman (for rupees although he didn't need them anymore, and his old banana rations he had gone through on the first week) his two weapons phrenic bow and eightfold blade, also from the Clan, and now various other things he had stored in it.. ingredients mostly, but there was a large bottle, it's red dark liquid seemingly beckoning him. Dorian shuddered. Finally, all these months later he had bought one of the alcohol bottles that the peddler sold. And yet, he hadn't opened it, not yet. He had been weak the day he bought it, but he could still be strong. He didn't have to open it.</p><p>'What are you?' his mantra crooned at him.</p><p>Dorian shuddered as he whispered as quietly as he could, muffling his voice into the pillow, "Sheikah."</p><p>'No no, that's not right. Come on now, you know this.'</p><p>"M-monster."</p><p>'That's right. What's your name?'</p><p>(<em>"Dorian." Kiyah's gentle voice, smiling at him..</em>)</p><p>"I don't have a name. Names are unpure."</p><p>'Good. What were you born to do?'</p><p>"Serve the Great Calamity and the Yiga Clan."</p><p>When were his hands in his nightwear trousers? It wasn't even a blood moon tonight.</p><p>'Well done. Now let yourself go.'</p><p>He obeyed his mantra, spilling into his hands (it didn't even <em>feel</em> good damn you..) and then sleep thankfully took him and he didn't have to think about any of this anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. One Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>How long had be been in this village now? Ten months? Eleven months? He couldn't remember.. but it was the blood moon again. The fourth blood moon in a year.. he stared at it numbly as he was heading back to his home. Unlike the first time where he had almost lost his mind, he had gotten better with it now. He didn't even feel a twitch inside him.</p><p>(<em>I've done it. I don't know how but I completely broke the conditioning I put myself into.</em>)</p><p>Now if he could only break the mantras hold on him..</p><p>'Oh but you don't want that, do you?' Dorian shivered. 'Even now, every night, you still wait for them to call you back. That's why you keep going back to the meeting spot.'</p><p>He pushed the mantra out of his mind. He needed to get back home and shutter up and he watched as the other villagers return quickly to their own homes, locking up. Before he returned to his own home, he looked at Kiyah's, still locked up from all those months ago and.. he looked at the tree next to it.</p><p>During the early months of their relationship, before the picnic happened, the two of them would be under that tree a lot. Usually Kiyah would get one of her father's books and read stories from them about Legendary Heroes in time immemorial. It had been.. nice, listening to her read to him.</p><p>(<em>No. Don't think of her.</em>) Dorian told himself. (<em>You don't deserve her. You tried to make her leave her own people. She's probably never coming back here until you're gone.</em>)</p><p>The monster shut his eyes. That's right.. he was going home back to the Valley. He just had to keep being patient.</p><p>Dorian moved to shutter his home, when he heard it. A scream. A trainee's (child's) scream. Before he had known what was going on, he had grabbed his two weapons, and headed back outside his home. He turned around. Cado was there (Olkin and Steen had become too old for the guard positions at this point and so Cado had been trained to take their place instead. He needed a second guard though and the villagers kept hinting to Dorian that maybe he should take the position..)</p><p>"Lady Paya!" Cado yelled out. Dorian froze. ..Paya? That's right, he had met the child a few times now. She was young, really young, only a few years old. How had she gotten out on a blood moon? Then again.. they had been caught off guard hadn't they? They hadn't even known it was a blood moon today. Four blood moons in a year.. last year it had been three. The previous year it had been two. The year before that they hadn't even <em>had</em> a blood moon. (He remembered how frustrated a lot of his fellow footsoldiers had been as the months trickled on without one..) It was becoming a regular and yet flunctuating thing.</p><p>(<em>The Calamity?</em>) he thought desperately in the back of his mind (<em>Is it waking up?</em>) How many years had it been the Calamity first attacked? At least eighty.. how many exactly though? Eighty five?</p><p>'Eighty seven.' his mantra crooned at him. 'Thirteen years to go until the one hundred year anniversary.'</p><p>Unlucky thirteen.. Dorian swallowed nervously, looking over at Cado who had a panicked look on his face.</p><p>"Sorry Dorian, I know you're not a guard but can you help me look around the village? I need to stay here to look after Elder Impa." he was trembling and Dorian felt a pang of sympathy for him. He was supposed to protect both of them after all, both the current Impa and the future one.</p><p>Him and Cado were the only ones outside in the village, he could probably.. Dorian shut his eyes, feeling out with his Yiga senses. Where was she? Where was Paya?</p><p>'What are you doing? You're going to get caught. Just let her die.'</p><p>(<em>Shut up.</em>)</p><p>There! The graveyard! Dorian turned on his feet and ran for it and Cado rushed after him. He saw the single bokoblin (silver? silver coloured monsters? when was that a thing?) climbing over the fence and saw her. The poor toddler was trembling, her hands over her head.</p><p>(<em>How did she even get out?! Did she sneak out?!</em>)</p><p>The bokoblin was raising its club and he heard the sound of arrows being fired and Dorian had moved in front of the toddler, just before the club smashed down on his back, knocking him unconscious.</p><hr/><p>The rest of the days went in such a blur that he didn't know who he was or where he was half the time. He woke up in a building that he didn't recognise with a group of people he also didn't recognise crying around him. An elderly woman hugged him so hard he swore for a moment he was going to lose consciousness again. Apparantly she had explained to him what had happened to him but for the life of him he couldn't remember. It was like he wasn't even in his own body anymore. Like he was floating above just watching himself. Even time itself had become completely irrelevant to him.</p><p>"Dorian, after what you did, do you think you would want to become a guard? I think you would be really good at it."</p><p>..Dorian? Was that his name?</p><p>He was returned to his home after he recovered from his injury (even though he didn't even remember ever getting injured in the first place). Someone came into check on him at one point and apparantly he was just laying on his back on the floor, staring numbly at the lanterns on the ceiling. They were bringing him food, but he couldn't even taste it. Somehow he managed to get the food inside him. How long had he lived like this for? Nothing felt real anymore.</p><p>Then one day, someone opened his door and it was someone he also didn't recognise even more so. Tall woman, wearing the same style of clothing as him and.. red eyes.</p><p>"Dorian."</p><p>(<em>Who is that?</em>)</p><p>The woman came to sit by his bed and then she was reaching out to touch the left side of his face and.. oh. He remembered this. She had touched his face like this before hadn't she?</p><p>"<em>Dorian.</em>"</p><p>The fog was clearing. He knew who she was.</p><p>(<em>The Clan's never coming back for me are they? I've been completely abandoned.</em>)</p><p>"Kiyah." the Yiga Clan footsoldier, the monster.. no <em>Dorian</em>, sobbed and her arms wrapped around his shoulders as she cried into him too.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Eighteeen Months</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kiyah had explained where she had gone, a few days after the fog inside him cleared. First to Hateno to check out her old home village, and then.. "Faron?" Dorian croaked as he sipped the tonic she had given him.</p><p>"I didn't get to see much of it last time." Kiyah spoke, a sad but fond smile on her face, "I wouldn't change that day we met for even a moment, but it was something I thought about a lot later on. Never getting to see the rest of Faron, Lurelin especially as that was where I had been planning to go before I met you."</p><p>"Lurelin.." Dorian hummed a little. He knew of the village of course, but he had never been there. "Was it nice?"</p><p>"Oh yes." Kiyah smiled, "The people there are so warm and welcoming, they told me a lot about their history."</p><p>"They're supposed to be the descendents of the Zonai people aren't they?"</p><p>"That's the rumour since they use the same spiral pattern that the Zonai use, but I asked about it and the elder just said its just their tradition now to paint their huts with that pattern." Kiyah pulled out her recipe book, beaming, "And I learned so many recipes there!"</p><p>Dorian chuckled tiredly. Kiyah was always so excited when she talked about food and recipes.. Kiyah began to flip through the pages in earnest, "Fish pie.. seafood rice balls.. oh, this is one I think you would like Dorian, clam chowder. They told me in the inn how you've gotten fond of soups recently. I also have a recipe for seafood paella, I tried it while I was there and it was heavenly but sadly it's a really hard recipe to make." suddenly she was dropping something heavy onto his bed, "And take a look at this fruit!" Dorian blinked a little.</p><p>"..That's a fruit?" It looked prickly and yellowishy green. It didn't look anything like bananas, or even apples..</p><p>Kiyah was smiling widely and he wasn't sure what she meant by it, "Guess what it's called."</p><p>"I really don't know Kiyah.." he took another sip of tonic, shivering as the refreshing otherworldly sweetness hit him. It didn't really taste like bananas anymore though. He wasn't sure <em>what</em> it tasted like to be honest.</p><p>"The people of Lurelin told me it's called a hearty durian."</p><p>He blinked, and then realised what it meant and turned to her, a deadpan expression on his face, "<em>What</em>." Dorian.. <em>durian</em>..</p><p>"When I told the people of Lurelin I knew someone named after it, they asked if you were born in their village."</p><p>"I never even went to Faron until the day I met you." the Sheikah man was frowning as he lay back in his bed, looking at the ceiling. Why would he be named after some random fruit in the Faron region? Bananas he understood, even Bant had been named after the mighty banana, but.. hearty durian? Maybe his parents back in the Clan were just trying to be original. (<em>Or maybe that just shows how much they didn't care for you. How meaningless your name actually was that they didn't even give you a mighty banana inspired name.</em>) His hands tightened around his tonic bottle.</p><p>'...' the mantra in him was all but silent now. Occasionally it would try to whisper to him, to go check up at the meeting point behind the village, but his own will was stronger then it now. Especially now that he had pulled himself out of that haze he had been in for the past month. (<em>Calamity, a whole month when I was just like.. that.</em>)</p><p>(<em>I'm not going back there.</em>) He had completely decided now. (<em>The Clan, what they did to me, what I did to others in their name.. it's wrong. I was wrong.</em>)</p><p>And Kiyah had been the one to show him that, hadn't she? It was only two conversations between them, but she had made him realise it was wrong. The way he was raised, the way he had treated others..</p><p>'No. No. Please..' the mantra.. what he realised was actually <em>himself</em> muttering to him weakly 'If I don't go back then.. what am I supposed to do now? If I'm not part of the Yiga Clan, then what am I? What was I born to do?'</p><p>(<em>Live. I just.. live, here in Kakariko Village.</em>)</p><p>'..With my enemies?'</p><p>(<em>What have the Sheikah ever done to me? They accepted me here, and took care of me even though they didn't know anything about me.</em>)</p><p>'What if they come back for me?'</p><p>That made him pause. To be honest, it was worrying him.</p><p>(<em>I'll deal with that if it happens.</em>)</p><p>'..I might go back?'</p><p>(<em>I never said that.</em>)</p><p>He quieted the voice inside him and reopened his eyes, looking at Kiyah who was watching him worriedly. It seemed he had been quiet for a long time now.</p><p>"..Kiyah?"</p><p>She let out a soft hum, "I went to the place we met as well, on the way back from Faron."</p><p>His heart (<em>heart not guts</em> he reminded himself) leapt in his chest. Why did thinking of that little pond make him so happy, even now? It had a hold on him back then too, hadn't it? Dorian would think of that weird shaped pond and her face a lot back when he was at Karusa Valley.. it seemed almost otherworldly itself, just like the tonic he was currently drinking.</p><p>"The villagers back in Lurelin.. they told me what what that pond was called you know." Kiyah was looking away from him, and.. was she blushing?</p><p>Dorian swallowed as his hands shook. Why was he nervous? It was just a pond.. "What was it called?"</p><p>Kiyah flushed and then she was placing her hands to her face, "L-lo-lovers Pond.."</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><hr/><p>The following months were some of the happiest in Dorian's entire life. Sitting in front of the tree (<em>their</em> tree, the rest of the village was calling it now) listening to her stories, eating in her home.. trying all the new recipes she would make. And yet.. it wasn't always happy. When he would return to his own home, he would see sometimes see it just like he had this entire past year. One of the villagers drunk, sitting behind the cooking pot, an empty bottle beside them on the table. Sometimes he would go over and try to get them back to their own homes. Sometimes he would manage it. Sometimes they were so drunk he couldn't even get them to move, so he retrieved a blanket from his own home and draped it around them.</p><p>Then he would go to the graveyard and just.. look out at the castle, his hands tightening around the wooden barrier. (<em>Why do I deserve to be happy when everyone else here is so miserable?</em>) One time he felt arms being wrapped around him and he looked behind to see Kiyah, her chin nestled against the top of his hair.</p><p>"I hope you're not thinking of your old mantra.."</p><p>He chuckled softly, "I'm not Kiyah, don't worry." Dorian tilted his head back to the main part of the village. It was Olkin and Steen there now, sleeping against the table with two blankets over them. The two had a lot more time these days now that they weren't guards anymore, so the old rivalry between the two had been ignited.. and so had their drinking.</p><p>Her arms.. were moving up his chest, wrapping around his shoulders. She was breathing heavily into his hair and she seemed.. a little more disheveled then what she was usually like.</p><p>"I love you Dorian."</p><p>Dorian shivered.. he wanted this. He wanted to be <em>happy</em>. But it was so.. painful. He was a man with no purpose, no life goal. The Yiga Clan weren't coming back for him and if the Sheikah ever found out what he was..</p><p>Then she was turning him around to face her and stepping forwards and.. their lips touched. Suddenly his face was completely hot and her hand was pressing against his left cheek, running through his side burns..</p><p>Then Kiyah gasped out as if she realised what she was doing and pulled away, her red eyes wide, "S-sorry am I moving too fast?"</p><p>Dorian just stared at her. It was only a kiss, but he was <em>panting</em>. He pushed forwards, desperate for that touch again, needing it as if he needed <em>air</em>. He pressed their lips together again and she melted against him.</p><p>(<em>Calamity, she's so much taller then I am..</em>)</p><p>He felt his back hit the tree in the graveyard, causing the bladed rhino beetle that was on it to fly off and then his mouth was opening and she was doing something with her tongue on his that made his head spin.</p><p>(<em>I can't breathe.. do I want to breathe?</em>)</p><p>She pulled away again and he took a desperate gasp of Kakariko's cool air into his lungs. There was a small trail of saliva connecting their mouths and suddenly Dorian wanted nothing more then this.</p><p>"Do you.. want to come back to my house?"</p><p>"Yes." he heard himself croak out.</p><p>'Mistake. This is a mistake. You go through with this and you're never going to be able to come back from it. You will officially be a traitor.'</p><p>..Traitor? Why was he thinking about that now? He had already decided six months ago that he was leaving the Clan. Unless.. there was still some part of him clinging onto the Clan even now?</p><p>Kiyah clasped their hands together and then they were heading back to the main village and down to Kiyah's home next to their tree. Every single step felt like he was walking towards his own doom.</p><p>(<em>I want this. I want her.</em>)</p><p>'No. You just want to be loved. You don't care who it is.'</p><p>(<em>That's not true. I've liked her since the start, you know that's true. That's why I started doing that.. on the blood moon..</em>)</p><p>'...'</p><p>Kiyah pulled her hand away for a moment so she could unlock and open the door and then she was reaching for him again.</p><p>(<em>I want this. I want to be with her.</em>)</p><p>Dorian took her hand again and then he stepped up into her home as the door shut behind them.</p><p>And in front of Impa's house, Cado was blushing fiercely as he tried to ignore the two.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Eighteen Months (Part II)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I can't do this." Dorian heard himself sobbing to Kiyah, even though his arms were arms were wrapped around her and he was <em>inside</em> her.</p><hr/><p>He felt his back hit the bed and then she was on him again, their lips touching, their hands all over each other.. his head was spinning, but one thought was blazing through him: (<em>I want this. I want her</em>).</p><p>It wasn't like when he was a desperate repressed footsoldier, rutting off in caves. Everything then had seemed so frantic and overwhelming and now it was.. gentle. Soft. They were taking their time and it seemed.. better this way. Somewhere along the way between the gentle kisses, they had started losing their clothes, first both of their hats, dropping them to the floor beside her bed, and then Kiyah was removing the dark blue belt around his waist and Dorian was pulling his arms free of the Sheikah jacket..</p><p>At one point he had hated this clothing so much he had just wanted to go back behind the village, strip down and burn it all. Now it almost felt like a second skin to him. Like he was always supposed to be in these clothing, and by some sick hand of fate he had been born in the Clan instead. Strangely enough, he wanted it off now just as much as he wanted it on.</p><p>And the entire time as she had stripped his clothing she had been murmuring softly to him, "Is this okay?" he had wordlessly nodded, giving her the affirmation that 'Yes. I want this.' and so they had continued. His little hand guards (she had gently kissed his hands as she had removed them and it had made his heart flutter) and then the dark blue undershirt, leaving him naked from from the waist up.</p><p>(<em>She's still completely clothed.</em>) He had realised, and then, nervously, he reached out for her belt. She had nodded at him and he took in a deep breath before pulling it away from her. The belt seemed a little less heavier then his own and he looked down at it when it was in his hands and realised immediately. It was missing a strip of cloth. (<em>Oh. It's the same belt from back then. From Faron.</em>)</p><p>Dorian had stared at her stunned and there was a deep blush on Kiyah's face as she rolled a lock of her hair in between her fingers. "I.. can't believe you kept this belt." Dorian had heard himself muttering. She was even wearing it on her body, even though it was probably a lot harder to use as an actual belt with a strip of it missing.</p><p>"Ah.." she looked embarassed as her hips squirmed a little with her obvious arousal, "I've been meaning to ask.. did you keep the other part?"</p><p>Dorian shivered. "Yes. I.. have it in my house right now actually." Even then, even when he had never believed that he would never see her again, even knowing he was coming to Kakariko, it was the only other thing he had stored in his storage talisman. The only thing he brought back from the Valley.</p><p>Kiyah was giggling a little, "Goddess, that little pond we met at really did a number on both of us didn't it?"</p><p>Dorian just heard himself laugh softly and the sound was.. so light, he could barely believe it had come from him. They had removed her jacket, her hand guards (he in turn had kissed her hands as he removed them, feeling her shiver beneath him as his beard gently scratched against her hands) and finally pulling down the straps of her dark blue under dress, leaving the top of it resting against the lower half of the dress. With them both naked from the waist up, they had returned to kissing, Dorian's hands had found her chest and then Kiyah was moaning softly into his mouth as he touched and caressed the mounds on her chest.</p><p>(<em>Breasts.</em>) He had scolded himself. (<em>You're smarter then that, you know the proper words.</em>)</p><p>He had drunk alcohol before at the parties in the Clan, but had never gotten actually drunk before, always managing to control himself. He had no idea what it actually felt like to be properly drunk, but it must feel something similiar to this. His mind felt.. hazy, not quite there. And yet he was still aware of everything. Her soft moans in his mouth, how her body twitched under his ministrations..</p><p>(<em>I'm making her feel good.</em>) Dorian didn't even care about his own pleasure right now as he focused on her own, and then he was pulling away from her mouth and moving down to her breasts (<em>I wonder if I can..</em>) He gently swirled his tongue around her nipple and then her back was arching into him, her arms finding his shoulders as she started to keen, muffling the sounds into his hair. Her lower half was grinding against his own and he shivered softly, pulling away for a moment. "Kiyah I think we need to remove the rest of our clothing."</p><p>"Y-yes.." she stammered, "we probably should." And then they reluctantly pulled away from each other to remove the rest of their clothing, boots, his trousers and finally her entire dress, leaving them both in their underwear. Dorian looked down at himself. He hadn't realised how muscular he actually was compared to the other Sheikah here (Cado especially was more of a lighter build then he was despite being a guard for the village) and distantly in the back of his mind he wondered how they had never figured out who he was.</p><p>"Dorian?" he looked back up at Kiyah and she was so beautiful it was staggering. Her hair was a mess, her face flushed and.. there was a wet patch on her underwear. He could feel himself flush at the sight. (<em>I did that to her..?</em>) He had never believed he could make anyone feel good like that. He supposed had he stayed in the Valley, he would be a blademaster by now. He probably would have even--</p><p>(<em>No. No. Don't think about that right now.</em>) Dorian pleaded to himself. (<em>You're here now. You're staying here, with her.</em>)</p><p>He moved back to her, and then she was reaching out with her hand, stroking the bulge in his own boxers. Ah.. he had been so focused on her own pleasure, he hadn't realised he had been hard this entire time.</p><p>"Is this okay Dorian..?" she was whispering into his shoulder. (<em>How many times is she going to ask that..?</em>) he briefly wondered. (<em>Didn't I already give her permission?</em>)</p><p>"Yes yes yes yes.." he heard himself chanting as he reached down, finding her own underwear as he stroked against her own underwear with two fingers, feeling her wetness move to his own fingers as he touched her. They stayed like that for a while, just stroking each other through their underwear as they became more and more aroused by each other's heavy petting and kissed like they had before, their tongues moving against each other.</p><p>It wasn't like how it was in the cave at all. It really was so much better this way. He wasn't in some desperate rush to get off so he he could go back and forget what had happened. And it wasn't even a blood moon.. he was feeling this good, and it didn't have to be a blood moon for it to happen.</p><p>He wasn't sure how long he had spent there with her, just touching each other, building their pleasure up more and more, but before he knew it, Kiyah was pulling away for a moment to reach for her nightstand, shakily opening the drawer and rummaging around for a moment. And then she frowned. "W-wait a second Dorian."</p><p>He immediately pulled away from her and she turned away, looking into the drawer. "No.. no. I know I had a box, where did it go..?"</p><p>"Kiyah?" he asked, gently squeezing his legs together.</p><p>She looked at him and there was an almost miserable look in her eyes as she too squeezed her legs together as she mumbled, almost embarassed, "I.. I don't have any protection.."</p><p>Pro.. what? He tilted his head a little in confusion. "What's that?"</p><p>Kiyah looked at him startled and then she let out a sigh, "Of course you wouldn't.." she let out a frustrated sound, coming to lay on the bed on her back as she reached over, stroking herself a little to keep her arousal going. With her free hand, she patted the bed and Dorian moved to lay beside her, then she reached out pushing her hand into his boxers and.. oh. It felt so much nicer having her hand directly on his skin.</p><p>"We can't go any further then this." she was sighing and there was a frustrated tone in her voice, "If we do I might end up pregnant."</p><p>Dorian shuddered. No. He definetely didn't want that. (<em>..Or do I?</em>) 'No you don't.'</p><p>"So.." he swallowed, shutting his eyes as he breathed heavily and let her stroke him through his boxers. "What exactly is protection?"</p><p>She let out a sigh, "It's a special thing that you can put on a man's--" she stroked one finger up the entirety of his length and he shivered. Oh. "You can get them from any stable, if you know how to ask the keeper correctly and if you're of age of course. I think they're made from octo balloons?" He shivered a little at that. Using monster parts? "Octo balloons are quite strong you know, so when you.. ah.." she blushed a little, "r-release yourself, it stops you from spilling inside your partner completely so they won't get pregnant."</p><p>She let out another frustrated sigh. "I think I remember now. I gave my unopened last box to Cado. He hasn't had time to go to the stable and get his own since he took the guard position. And Rola certainly wouldn't get any." Kiyah seemed to blush as she looked away. "They've been arguing about it for a while now. Rola really wants children, but I think Cado loves his cuccos too much for that."</p><p>Dorian blinked. Hearing about Cado and Rola's martial problems when they were doing this seemed like a bit.. much. But then he realised what Kiyah had said at the beginning and shivered a little. "Do you.. do this a lot? With other people I mean.."</p><p>"Ah?!" Kiyah turned to him, her red eyes wide and a deep blush appeared on her cheeks, "N-no.. this is the first time I've ever.." she looked away from him, her blush deepening, "But ever since you first came here I've been trying to keep a box in my drawers.. j-just in case.." she flushed deeper, "W-what about you? Have you ever.."</p><p>Dorian let out a sharp bark of laughter, "No, Calamity, no. Everything is so messy in the Clan and before I came here I was a deeply repressed person. I barely knew a thing about what I wanted. I don't think I ever truly wanted to be with another person.." he let out a hum, as her red eyes met his grey, "..until I met you."</p><p>He moved his hand to hers, stilling her own stroking hand and then he was moving her soaked underwear to the side. "Kiyah is it okay if I..?"</p><p>"Sure." she breathed heavily and then he reached out with one finger, directly to her soaked sex, gently sliding one finger up and down.</p><p>"Ahhhnnn..!" she let out a soft keen, arching into his fingers and spreading her legs further, and then he gently pushed one finger inside her. "Dorian.. Dorian..!" she was moaning constantly now as he thrust his finger inside of her, feeling how wet and warm she was.</p><p>(<em>Calamity, how would that feel around my..?</em>) 'No. NO. She'll get pregnant you idiot!'</p><p>How he was managing to control himself when he was pretty sure she had lost control of herself a while back, he would never understand. He looked at her face. Her red eyes were glazed over almost completely and there was saliva trickling down out of her mouth. He added a second finger and her hand dropped from him completely, moving to grab the sheets beneath her writhing body as she thrust up into his fingers. There was more wetness seeping out from her, and she was pulsing and clutching down onto his fingers and it was all so..</p><p>'Wrong.' (<em>Good.</em>) 'Sinful.' (<em>Utter bliss.</em>)</p><p>There was sweat pouring down from her body, pooling in betwen her breasts and he reached down, doing what he did earlier, taking one of her nipples in his mouth and swirling his tongue around it.</p><p>"Nnngghhh..!" she was moving the pillow she was lying on over her heated face, burying her cries into it as she arched her back into him even more.</p><p>(<em>Calamity, I love her. I'm in love with her. I always have been haven't I, ever since we first met in Faron all those years ago..</em>)</p><p>His mantra had shut up completely at this point and it was.. nice. Not getting to hear it screaming at him in the back of his mind.</p><p>"Kiyah, come for me.." he murmured to her.</p><p>"Nnnggh.. but what about.." she panted desperately, pulling the pillow away from her heated face, a trail of saliva from her mouth attached to it. "What about you? This wasn't supposed to be one sided like this.."</p><p>She was reaching down for him again, stroking his length and he shivered. It was throbbing almost angrily now at being denied for so long. (<em>Oh.. am I repressing myself again to focus on her? I really shouldn't be doing that..</em>)</p><p>"There's nothing we can do about that." his own eyes were glazing over as she stroked him and it was making his own fingers halt inside her.</p><p>"There.. there might be a way.." she was stammering a little, "If.. if you pull out just in time.. w-we could.." she had completely lost her entire inhibitions and he was pretty sure he was too, the more she was stroking him.</p><p>"A-are you sure?" The mantra was gone. So was his internal monologue. There was only him and her and the pleasure they were seeking together.</p><p>"Yes. Please, Dorian.. I want us both to feel good, or it won't feel good for me at all."</p><p>How could he argue with that?</p><hr/><p>But the moment he had actually gotten inside her, suddenly the entire weight of everything crashed down on him again and the next thing he knew he was sobbing into her chest. It felt too good. It was better then anything he had ever felt in his life. And somehow.. somehow even now, he <em>still</em> hated himself.</p><p>(<em>What am I doing? Why am I here, experiencing this joy, this pleasure when everyone else.. not just here in Kakariko, but back there in the Clan.. they're all miserable! I don't deserve this!</em>)</p><p>Kiyah's hands found his face and somehow, even now, with how debaunched the two of them were, the moment he had said 'I can't do this.' she had halted.</p><p>"Do you want to stop?"</p><p>"No.. Calamity, no.. but.." there were tears dripping down his face, "I don't deserve this Kiyah. I'm not a good person. I've <em>never</em> been a good person. Why do I get to be happy when so many people are miserable?"</p><p>"Oh.. Dorian." she was stroking through his side burns, "You deserve to be happy too you know."</p><p>"No.. no I don't." his sobbing was getting stronger, the entire weight and guilt of everything he had done in the Clan making him tremble, "I'm.. I'm a <em>monster</em>."</p><p>"Dorian!" her hands slapped gently to his face, making him look back at her and then she was moving them around, so he was laying on the bed on his back and she was on top of him. "Do you want this? Yes or no."</p><p>"Y-yes.."</p><p>Kiyah was leaning over him, gently pressing their lips together as they kissed again, but he couldn't stop crying. "Let me try something, okay? I'm going to try and turn that mantra of yours into something that can be better for you. Do I have your permission for that?"</p><p>Dorian swallowed nervously, but there was determination now in her red gleaming eyes and they almost reminded him of a fantasy he had had once in that cave by the hideout..</p><p>"You can.. make me feel less guilty?"</p><p>"I'm certainly going to try." she blushed a little as she looked away, "To be honest, I feel a little guilty myself doing this but.. I want to help you my love."</p><p>(<em>My.. love?</em>) He was still buried inside her, but his heart fluttered at the little petname.</p><p>"Okay." he nodded his affirmation. He wasn't sure what she was going to do but.. if it helped him feel less guilty, then he was all for it. He wanted to feel happy.</p><p>Kiyah took a deep breath and then began to squeeze around him, moving her hips around his length. Dorian gasped and moaned as his eyes shut. It felt good but..</p><p>Kiyah's hand found his face again, "Dear, please don't shut your eyes, look at me."</p><p>Dorian obeyed and his grey eyes found her red. Kiyah pressed their foreheads together, forcing him to look into her own eyes.</p><p>"Who are you?" and then she squeezed particuarly hard that almost him see stars.</p><p>(<em>Who.. am I? Yiga Clan member.. monster.. footsoldier.. future blademaster..</em>)</p><p>"I.. I don't know who I am."</p><p>"Do you want me to help you?"</p><p>"Y-yes.."</p><p>"Repeat after me then: 'I am a Sheikah who lives in Kakariko Village.'"</p><p>Yes.. that made sense. As she squeezed around him again, he gasped out, following her words exactly, unable to stop looking at her red eyes. "I.. I am a Sheikah who lives in Kakariko Village."</p><p>"Good, dear, again." And she squeezed again around him.</p><p>He repeated the words, believing them a little more this time.</p><p>"Once more.. just, not too loud okay? Whisper them, right into my ear."</p><p>The monster.. no, the Sheikah nodded, his mind lost in this hazy pleasure, "I am a Sheikah who lives in Kakariko Village.. aaahhnn.. Kiyah..!"</p><p>She pulled away from him for a moment, thinking contemplatively, "What can I use to replace that 'born to do' mantra.." and the Sheikah hazily tried to reach for her. He wanted to see her red eyes again. It was like he was completely mesemrized by them. "Oh, I know.." she moved back to him, pressing their forehead together again and he melted into the pleasure once more. Her eyes.. they were drawing him in completely..</p><p>"So, now that you live here in Kakariko, what do you want to do?"</p><p>(<em>What do I.. want to do?</em>)</p><p>The pleasure and her eyes and her commands were completely numbing his brain. He was finding it hard to think at all and yet.. "Live.. here, with you. I want to be with you."</p><p>She frowned at that, "No, that's too codependent. You shouldn't just live for my sake. What if something happened to me? You would completely fall apart." she reached for his face, stroking her hands through his side burns as she continued to squeeze around him, "Repeat after me: I want to live for my own happiness. I want to exist."</p><p>(<em>..Exist? As myself? No.. I can't do that, I was put here for a reason wasn't I..?</em>) It was so hard to think though. He didn't want to think, he just wanted to feel and comply.</p><p>"But.. what was I born to do..?"</p><p>"You don't need a reason to be born, my love." she was whispering to him. His brain felt like it was leaking out of his ears. No.. not leaking. It was like he was being remade, repurposed. The fog that was holding him for long, finally, <em>finally</em>, relenting. It kept holding onto him, then releasing, then holding onto him again.. but now.. finally. It was leaving him for good.</p><p>The Sheikah could see another part of himself. It was a small boy wearing red clothing with black hair and both of his hands were burned purple. (<em>Is that.. me?</em>) There was a such a hateful look in the boy's eyes and it made him shudder. (<em>I don't want to be like that anymore.</em>) As he continued to watch in his own mindscape though, the boy seemed to relent. That hateful look disappeared and.. the boy was crying.</p><p>'I want to live for my own happiness. I want to exist.'</p><p>(<em>I want to live for my own happiness. I want to exist.</em>)</p><p>The Sheikah reopened his own eyes, staring deep into Kiyah's own red eyes. There was a trail of saliva connecting their mouths and after all these months, he finally understood.</p><p>"I want to live for my own happiness. I want to exist."</p><p>Kiyah sobbed, her hand stroking his face, through his sideburns, through his hair.</p><p>"What's your name?"</p><p>Oh, he knew this one.</p><p>"Dorian."</p><p>"Yes.. again."</p><p>"<em>Dorian</em>."</p><p>"Again again again.." Kiyah was pressing their bodies together and was completely losing herself in him. Dorian was so hot and aroused and completely overwhelmed, he was pretty sure he had lost his mind constantly tonight, but everything felt so good that he didn't even care.</p><p>"Dorian. My name is Dorian."</p><p>They were moving again, and Dorian felt himself being pulled on top of her, as she lay sprawled backwards against the bed and now he was the one thrusting into her, controling the pleasure they both felt.</p><p>"Dorian.. Dorian.." Kiyah moaned, her arms snaking around his shoulders, holding him close "<em>My</em> Dorian.."</p><p>Her legs.. they were wrapping around his thrusting hips, holding him in place. The bed beneath them was <em>soaked</em>. She must have come multiple times during this whole thing. How had she still managed to control everything while losing herself in pleasure like that?</p><p>(<em>I was right. She would have made an amazing blademaster..</em>) How he had somehow managed not to come, considering how deeply repressed he was, he would have never been able to figure out even in the years to come when he looked back at this memory, but somewhere in the back of mind was a nagging thought. (<em>I'm going to make her pregnant if she doesn't let me go..</em>)</p><p>"K-Kiyah.." he sobbed, his face wet with his own tears (when had he started crying? it wasn't like before, when he had cried because he was miserable and guilty.. he was crying because he was <em>happy</em>) "I.. I need to pull out.."</p><p>"No. Please, stay inside me, it's okay." she was moaning into his mouth and he reopened his eyes. Her red eyes were completely glazed over in her own pleasure and happiness. She had completely and utterly lost all of her remaining inhibitions. "Make me a mother Dorian."</p><p>That request shred the last of his own restraints, and he was helpless to do anything but obey as he released himself right inside her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Eighteen Months (& One Day)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Kiyah was five years old and her father was reading her a story from his ancient history books in their home in Hateno. This particular story was about the history of an ancient forest dwelling tribe. They once were a race of sentient tree people, who were made of seeds that came from an even larger sentient tree. But then they developed a relationship with fairies, and they in turn developed more humanoid bodies, almost like Hylian children.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Kiyah pressed her head to her father's arm as he read to her, "Once upon a time, there was a Hylian woman who fled a terrible war. She was gravelly injured, but she knew her child would be safe in the forest. For there were many rumours of the eternally young children who lived in the forest. And so, even knowing that she would lose her life if she went into the forest, she did so anyway, to protect her child from the fires of the war. Every step into the forest was painful, but she pressed forwards anyway, finding herself in front of the Guardian of the Forest. With her passing words, she entrusted her child to him. And the Guardian was so taken by her willingness to save her child's life even at cost to her own, that he took the Hylian child and raised him with his own forest children, as one of them."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Papa, why don't I have a mother?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The Sheikah man, who was in his mid fifties, froze at her words. He had been so consumed by his own reading that it hadn't even occured to him that maybe this hadn't been the best story to read to her. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He looked at his daughter's red eyes (red.. just like her mother's.. not like his own brown eyes..) but there was no sadness in them. Just a natural curiousity for this world and her own reality that she was in. That too was so much like her mother and it physically pained him that they had to be seperated like this. He knew that if she just relented they could develop a healthy bond but the man knew in his heart that that was never going to happen.. after all, Kiyah's mother had decided even before her daughter was born that she couldn't get involved. She was too busy with her work for complicated distractions like raising a child..</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Kiyah woke up the day after, remembered everything that had happened last night in a single moment, and almost retched herself right there.</p><p>(<em>Make me a mother?! What was I thinking, I can't have a Yiga Clan member's child..!</em>) But she immediately slapped her hands to her own face, shaking away the thoughts, and turning to Dorian who was still fast asleep as a look of guilt passed over her face. (<em>No, Kiyah, don't think like that. It's not Dorian's fault he was born in the Clan. It's fine. You're fine. Nothing happened, you probably didn't get pregnant anyway, just relax.</em>) She looked up to the small window. It was still dark outside. They could sleep for a few hours still, and she still felt so tired.. Kiyah reached for the blanket that had fallen off them, covering herself and Dorian with it as she curled up into his shoulder, drifting back off into sleep.</p><hr/><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Dorian was stuck inside a nightmare. The blood moon was above him, he was standing right there in front of the bottomless pit and he could feel Master Kohga's presence behind him.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Will you help me Dorian? Will you help me make the Yiga Clan the best it can possibly be, so we can exist for another ten thousand years?" He could hear it, just like he did when he was six years old. The deranged Master's words, crooning at him.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Dorian looked down at his own hands. But the malice burns were long gone. And so was his footsoldier uniform. He was wearing Sheikah clothing now.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>(That's right. Because I'm Sheikah. I've always been Sheikah, haven't I? Yiga Clan, that was what I was born into, but that's not ME.)</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He turned to Master Kohga, glaring at him even as the blademasters voices spoke in his head. "Footsoldier, where is your mask? Where is your uniform?" He chased those voices away as he stepped forwards towards Master Kohga.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"No. I will not."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>In the dream, Kohga's head tilted at him, he seemed more confused then angry. "That's not what you said back then."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"I was a brainwashed child. And you have no hold on me anymore."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Kohga's arms were wrapping around his shoulders. "Now now.. I know you don't mean that Dorian." the old man was chuckling, "I know how you feel about me. You see me as a father figure to you, don't you?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Dorian hissed angrily, "You are not my father. I don't even know my parents, and even if I did I don't care. They abandoned me. You abandoned me."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Kohga hummed contemplatively, "Where will you go? There's nothing out there in the world for you. All you have is the Yiga Clan. My Clan. Me." Kohga's hand was in his hair.. his black hair and Dorian started trembling.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Get out of my head Kohga."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"What about the others? Your partner Bant and your little trainee.. what was his name, Lizz?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Dorian could see them now. They were staring at him. Bant had a look of despair in his eyes, "Really Dorian? You're leaving the Clan and you couldn't even take me with you? You know I hate it here." Lizz, the little trainee he had mentored, just looked disgusted, "How dare you. I looked up to you." All three of them were crashing down on him, choking him with the guilt.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"This is what you were always supposed to be." Kohga was crooning at him in the dream, "Remember Dorian? I know you haven't forgotten, this is what you were born to do."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He was trying to pull himself out. He could see it, the barrel of malice now, beckoning him forwards, but he desperately tried to pull himself free from it. His Sheikah clothing had changed back to his footsoldier uniform.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"No..! NO!"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Bant's hand was on one of his arms, and Lizz's hand was on his other, trying to pull him back, and still Kohga's presence was ever there in his own mind, never letting him rest even as he slept.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Dorian! DORIAN!" there was a voice calling for him and as the malice poured around his legs he looked up, seeing the Sheikah girl who he loved with those beautiful red eyes..</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Kiyah." he sobbed out, "Help me.. it's too much.." The malice was pouring around his chest now, moving up his body and she desperately reached for him, trying to pull him out.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"You can't escape the Clan." Kohga was crooning to him, "I will find you Dorian. I will come after you. I will kill your little lover. I will burn down that entire village. And then I will make you come back and go through the reunification ceremony. You're going to fulfill your promise to me, whether you like it or not."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Kiyah was giving him something and he looked down, startling when he realised what it was. It was a long light blue blade with a dark blue hilt and a yellow diamond on it. He could see the three triangles on the blade.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>(The Sword That Seals The Darkness)</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>No.. it was lost wasn't it? It's previous owner, it's Champion had perished in the castle. How was he holding this? Even if was still out there in Hyrule, it should have killed him. The malice holding him seemed to hiss in the blade's presence and he watched as it glowed a bright blue.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"What do you think you're doing?" Kohga hissed at him and Dorian turned around to him, carrying the blade in his shaking hands. Kiyah was behind him now. But Bant and Lizz were still at Kohga's side.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"You're a monster." Lizz spat at him, "You can't carry that."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"I'm no monster Lizz and neither are you. None of the Yiga Clan are. The only monster here.." he pointed the tip of the blade at Kohga as tears ran down his face, "is you Kohga. For what you've done to all of us." he turned to Bant, "I'm so sorry Bant, for everything I did to you." he turned to Lizz, "And I'm sorry Lizz, for trying to turn you into another me. You deserve to be your own person too, away from the Clan's influence." at his words, the two of them seeemed to vanish into the air, and then there was only him and Kohga left.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Kohga tilted his head slightly, "What, do you see yourself as some kind of Hero Dorian?" the deranged master let out an uproarious laugh, "What an absolute joke." Kohga was shifting and then it was himself when he was six years old, glaring at him hatefully.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"This is what you were born to do."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The mantra was choking him, repeating constantly in his mind, but he pushed forwards anyway, slashing the blade through his own trainee self. Dorian shuddered as he stepped backwards, but the blood moon was still there, it's presence looming over him constantly.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Dorian." he turned to Kiyah, but now she had changed.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"No no.." he cried out, the blade shaking in his hand. She was taller now, wearing a blademaster uniform and was stroking his face, smiling at him. "This is what you wanted isn't it? You and me together in the Clan.."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He hated this. This nightmare, would it ever end?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>(I want to wake up. Please, let me wake up.)</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He collapsed to his knees and then there was a voice calling out to him. He couldn't tell who it was, but it was a smaller presence.. a trainee.. Lizz? Hands were pressed to his face and he looked up to see a Sheikah child smiling at him. Boy? Girl? He couldn't tell.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Father. Wake up."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Dorian immediately woke up, falling from the bed (he heard Kiyah calling out for him) as he shook terribly and vomited onto the floor. Kiyah's hands were on his back, soothing him, and he was sobbing as he trembled.</p><p>(<em>What have I done?</em>)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Twenty One Months</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So.." Dorian croaked after he had stopped sobbing and returned to the bed, the cup of water shaking in his hands, "how do we.. know.." he looked at her, a miserable look in his grey eyes, "how do we know if you're pregnant?"</p><p>Kiyah was shuddering, her hands lightly pressing to her stomach, "We don't until I start showing."</p><p>"And how long will that be?"</p><p>"For Paya's mother it was about.. two to three months?"</p><p>Dorian's hands tightened around his cup, lifting it to his mouth to shakily drink from it. "Two to three months.." he let out a small sigh, looking up to the dim lanterns, "Then let's hope I get called back in those months."</p><p>Kiyah let out a desperate sob and then she was turning to him, "What?! <em>Why</em>?! Don't tell me after everything you've been through, you still want to go back to the Clan?!"</p><p>"Of course I don't.." he finished the cup of water, placing it down to the nightstand before looking at her and Kiyah was stunned by the absolutely broken look in the Sheikah's eyes, "but this changes things now. If they called me back and I refused to go.." he started to shudder, his arms wrapping around himself, "You would be in danger. Our <em>child</em> would be in danger."</p><p>"And you would be okay with that? Leaving me, leaving your child.."</p><p>Dorian laughed brokenly, "I know, it must sound so <em>selfish</em>.. leaving before I even found out if you were pregnant.." Kiyah watched as tears started to slid down his face, "Because if I'm still here and I do find out you are indeed pregnant.. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to leave. And if I don't leave when they <em>do</em> call for me, you're going to be in danger. Both of you."</p><p>Kiyah was moving toward him, wrapping her arms around his shaking shoulders, "..You want to protect us that much?"</p><p>"I was scared even before but now.. <em>now</em>.." Dorian turned to her, "Kiyah, if they find out I have a child they'll try to take them back to the Clan."</p><p>Kiyah's breath caught in her chest, paralysing her with sudden fear, "..They.. they wouldn't."</p><p>He laughed again, brokenly, "They've done it before."</p><p>Goddess.. Kiyah's stomach was <em>churning</em>. She moved one of her hands down to her stomach protectively. "I'm so sorry Dorian, I.. I didn't know. I should have controlled myself better, I should have waited I should have.."</p><p>"No, this isn't your fault. I should have left before it ever got to this." Dorian muttered bitterly. "I should have gone back months ago, even if meant I had to start from day one footsoldier duty again."</p><p>(<em>I hate that Clan so much. All they've ever done is hurt innocent people, hurt me, and make me hurt others, and even hurt their own people.</em>) A deep hatred he hadn't known for months was possessing him all over again. (<em>Evil. The Yiga Clan is pure evil.</em>) And yet, he was still thinking of going back? Then what did that make him? (<em>I must be even worse.</em>)</p><hr/><p>A few days later, Dorian found himself in the back of the village for the first time in months. He even had his Yiga storage talisman with him, stored in his pocket as he paced around the clearing with that deactivated Sheikah pedestal in the center.</p><p>(<em>Come on. Where are you? I've been here for so long now, what are you all even doing?</em>)</p><p>A year and a half.. he had been in Kakariko a year and a half already and his mind had gone through so many changes in that time, it was like he was being constantly torn apart and put together again. Dorian's hands tightened into fists and before he knew what he was doing, he was punching one of the trees as hot angry tears slid from his eyes. How much more could he even cry here in this village?</p><p>Somehow, he found his thoughts moving to Kohga more and more these days. He couldn't believe that at one point he actually wanted the elderly Master to be his father. Dorian found he was starting to <em>hate</em> the man.</p><p>(<em>I'm going to be a father.. I'm going to be a real father, unlike you you delusional warped bastard.</em>)</p><p>Dorian now believed that absolutely. He didn't need the confirmation. Because this life he had lived so far, he knew it wouldn't let him breathe for even a moment. And yet.. he still wanted them to come for him. Before it was too late. Because he knew the second it was confirmed..</p><p>(<em>This is what I always wanted isn't it?</em>)</p><p>He had been in denial about it for so long that accepting this part of him was almost pure agony. He had always wanted to know about his parents back in the Clan, from the moment he had laid eyes on that Hylian parent and child on that mission he had gone on, even before he had met Kiyah in Faron.. and evantually after he met Kiyah that had morphed into a new dream. To have a child of his own instead. He wondered what would have happened had he remained in the Clan and had a child there instead. Would he have just.. accepted it, having his child (trainee) ripped from his arms and put into the trainee program? Right now, it was the most unbearable thought to him.</p><p>(<em>This is everything I've ever wanted and I still can't have it, can I? The Yiga Clan would never let me have this most precious dream that I was in denial about for years.</em>)</p><p>After a few hours, he left the clearing and headed to Lanayru Road West Gate, and then even further to Rabia Plain. Maybe he just needed to get further, maybe he would find a Yiga Clan member somewhere else. Maybe he should leave the village and see if he could find someone, maybe doing an ambush? Then he could tell the footsoldier that he too was a footsoldier and that they needed to go back to Karusa Valley and let them know he was still here in Kakariko.</p><p>As his feet hit the Plains though, Dorian could suddenly hear.. music? He looked up and noticed the elderly Sheikah playing the instrument near the pedestal as the solemn lyrics hit him. "A beast that wears a crown of bone~ prancing through the lush green~ mount the beast upon its throne~ for only then the shrine is seen~"</p><p>Dorian's voice stuck in his throat as he heard the playing. It sounded so.. melachonly that for a moment he was taken out of his own struggles. But Dorian knew who that was. Robbie's half Hylian brother (Sheik? Was that the half Sheikah's name? It seemed a bit on the nose..) he was always travelling in and out of the village these days. When he was in the village, he would be playing on top of that little hill above the Sheikah shrine..</p><p>Listening to the elderly Sheikah man play his music, Dorian couldn't help but shut his eyes. For a moment, just listening to the music, the hatred inside his own heart was quelled and he felt.. peaceful. No thoughts about an evil Clan that destroyed the lives of everyone, even their own people, no thoughts about the ancient evil threatening to destroy their land with each passing blood moon.. for a moment, he could just.. forget.</p><p>All too late he realised the music had stopped.</p><p>Dorian reopened his eyes, and realised the elderly Sheikah man had put down his instrument and was watching him in the distance. Then the man was beckoning at him to come closer, but once again Dorian was wracked by the intense guilt and he just.. shook his head, waving back for a moment before turning and leaving Rabia Plain, heading back to Kakariko.</p><hr/><p>At some point Dorian realised he must have been a year older now, and that would make him.. 33 years old? Birthdays were not a thing in the Yiga Clan, not like they were here in Kakariko. He had been to parties before (Kohga's parties which made him feel queasy remembering now) but never to celebrate someone's life as they reached another milestone.. it made him wish he knew what his own day of birth had been, so he could celebrate it with Kiyah.</p><p>Her birthday had been a quiet one, only the two of them as well as Cado and Rola. They had had Meat-Stuffed Pumpkin and a Carrot Cake as well as some more of those tonics.. (they tasted like <em>Kiyah</em> now. Like her kisses..) He would really have to ask her for the recipe for those tonics one day because they really were the most delicious drink he had ever had in his life.</p><hr/><p>Dorian found himself back in his own house many nights and it felt wrong. He should be supporting her. Before he knew what he had been doing, Dorian found himself back at her home again, looking at the tree by the house before gently giving the door a knock.</p><p>"..Kiyah?" he spoke softly and the door quickly opened. She looked disheveled, even more so then the first night, and the next thing they knew they were in each others arms again on the bed. It never went that far again, they had better control of themselves now and they dare not risk full on intercourse just in case, but it had been.. nice. Just to lay back, his fingers between her legs, rubbing that little ball of nerves that made her sing, and then she would make him sit back on the bed while she put her mouth on him and.. oh. He had no idea that was even a thing but, calamity, did it feel good.</p><hr/><p>He still had nightmares of course. Flunctauting seemingly never ending nightmares of Kohga, Bant and Lizz, Kiyah and their possible unborn child (what are you going to be little one? boy or girl?). And yet, somehow, the worst ones were of the Calamity.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>He was wearing his Sheikah clothing and the blood moon.. no, the blood sun was above him. Just like he had been told when it had happened back then, when the Calamity first attacked after all, and the malice at the castle was oozing outwards.. covering Central Hyrule first, before seeping to rest of Hyrule.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Kohga's voice was crooning at him. "There's still time Dorian. You and your family can still be saved."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"How..?" Dorian's hands tightened on the wooden barrier at Kakariko graveyard as he watched the nightmare in front of him unfold. People were being consumed by the malice, the same way he had been in that first nightmare. Monsters too and guardians.. the malice was going to cover the entirety of Hyrule's land mass and there was nothing any of them could do to stop it. "We're not going to survive this.. no-one's going to survive this.. not you, me, or the Clan.."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Kohga's arms were wrapping around his shoulders the same way Ollie and his father had that night in the inn and the six year old Dorian was crying. "I'm scared.. I'm scared.."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He could see them. The corpses of the Champions (he didn't even know what any of them looked like, but he knew there had been one of each of the races.. Zora, Goron, Rito, Gerudo), the Princess, the Hero..</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>He found the Sword that Seals the Darkness in his shaking hands again, but.. what could he do against that immesaurale ancient evil? He wasn't a Hero.. he was just some Yiga Clan member playing pretend Sheikah..</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Dorian watched as the laughing maniacally Kohga was being consumed by the malice and, despite his deepening hatred of him, for some reason Dorian was trying to save him. To pull him out of it.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Master Kohga..!" he heard himself cry out, "..Father!"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Ohoho~" he heard Kohga croon to him from the malice, "So you admit it then, you admit what you really wanted all along."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Dorian heard himself sob in the nightmare as the malice consumed everything.. himself, Kiyah, their child, Kakariko.. Hyrule and the Yiga Clan too.</em>
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  <p>
    <em>There would be nothing left but ash.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>About six weeks after they had slept together, Kiyah woke up and the next thing he knew she was vomiting in her home's outhouse. Dorian was both happy and filled with dread at the same time.</p><p>(<em>Maybe she's just ill.. it doesn't mean anything.</em>)</p><hr/><p>One day he walked all the way down Lanayru Road, killing all the monsters he found on the way. It wasn't necessary, but it gave him something to do, and keep his skills sharp. He even teleported around, disorienting the bokoblins as he slashed at them with his eightfold blade and fired arrows from his phrenic bow. When he reached Lanayru Promenade, he looked out at the waterfall and remembered what felt like a lifetime ago. Dorian knew there was one of those deactivated Sheikah shrines behind that waterfall, as well as the memories of what he and Bant had done that night.</p><p>The lizalfos swimming in the waters there noticed him and tried to attack, and distantly he remembered Lizz, who had seemingly been named after the lizalfos. Lizz.. he had only been a few years younger (two? three?) then himself. It wouldn't be much longer then until he started his blademaster training. He wondered what the two of them, Bant and Lizz, were thinking right now. Were they wondering where he was? They would not have been told much, if any, of his mission, as only blademasters were in the know of it, but they would have been told to stay away from Kakariko and the surrounding areas, as that was just standard Yiga Clan policy after all.</p><p>As he pierced a lizalfos' head with an arrow and watched the malice escape its form, he was reminded of Lizz once more. When Dorian had first met him, he thought his eyes had just been an odd shade of red, but as the boy got older Dorian realised they were actually <em>pink</em>. That was an unusal colour for anyone in Hyrule, and they looked almost identical to the lizalfos eyes. Which is probably why he had been named after them.</p><p>Dorian's own eyes were grey. Bant's were hazel. There were some Yiga in the Clan who had red eyes too, but they were very rare. The more time that was passing in Hyrule, the more it seemed the Sheikah's natural red eyes were going away. Was Kiyah the only Sheikah he actually properly knew with red eyes? Well, apart from Impa of course.</p><p>(<em>No that's not right, that half Sheikah bard also has red eyes although I've never actually properly met him yet..</em>)</p><p>That was unusual for a half Hylian half Sheikah hybrid. Usually they would gain the traits of their Hylian parent. Even the half Hylian's white hair wasn't the same shade as their own natural white Sheikah hair. It had probably been blonde before.</p><p>(<em>What is our child going to look like..?</em>)</p><p>Dorian hoped they would have Kiyah's red eyes. Maybe then it would be easier.. to leave..</p><p>As he easily took out the moblin on the path leading to East Gate (forcing it to try and attack him at the path's cliff edge, then teleporting behind it and kicking it's back so it fell into the water), he was surprised at just how good his skills still were. He thought that after all these months he would have gotten sloppy and distantly he thought about that open guard position that the village was still heavily hinting at him that he should take. Maybe it would be good for him after all. He was long past the point of believing that he would be a traitor if he protected the village and it's people.</p><p>Dorian froze when he saw the lynel leading up to Mount Lanayru.. and for a split second, it saw him too, the lynel's green eyes meeting his own grey. He watched the lynel lift it's bow, but he never gave it a chance, immediately teleporting away back to West Gate.</p><p>(<em>I may be a man with no life purpose, but I'm not suicidal enough to go up against a lynel.</em>)</p><p>Dorian would talk about it in the morning with Cado, the possibility that he could be trained to take the guard position.</p><hr/><p>Just like she had said, three months after they knew for a fact.</p><p>Kiyah was pregnant. Dorian was going to be a father.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Twenty Seven Months</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Dorian stroked Kiyah's expanding belly while she slept at it was still dark outside, a sudden terrifying thought overtook him.</p><p>(<em>Please don't be born on the blood moon. I don't think I could handle it if you were.</em>)</p><p>Yiga Clan members extensively tracked the blood moon's cycle whenever they could. There was usually a race for the blademasters to try and produce trainees so they would be born on the blood moon. It was considered a good sign after all, to be a Yiga Clan member born on the blood moon.</p><p>As a trainee, Dorian had been the best in his class, always had top marks (even if he had to exhaust himself and train constantly to do it). He remembered many of his fellow trainees asking him if he had been born on the blood moon. Dorian had just scoffed at them, telling them how was he supposed to know that. And yet he had hoped he was. It made the younger him gleeful, thinking about the possibility of himself being born on the blood moon. Maybe even at the <em>peak</em> of the blood moon.</p><p>Maybe that was why Dorian felt so guilty when he used to.. he hadn't touched himself to the blood moon since before he came to Kakariko, but even now the memories and the guilt of those times threatened to choke him. Back then it had been because he was being depraved on their revered blood moon. But now the guilt was for a different reason.</p><p>The blood moon wasn't a revered event. It was <em>terrifying</em>. Especially at the peak when the entirety of Hyrule seemed to turn red and even their own homes were filled with the little malice particles..</p><p>Dorian found himself thinking of that event a lot more now, when he had been six years old after his purification ritual and had gone to see the blood moon. The first time he had officially met Kohga. His hands had still burned from the purification ritual and yet Kohga had grabbed his arms anyway, pushing his hands forwards to touch the little malice particles.</p><p>Thinking about that memory made him realise something. He had been terrified, even then. The younger Dorian had been so <em>scared</em> of the blood moon, and he always had been. He made himself believe that the blood moon was something to be revered and worshipped, but that just wasn't true was it. The Yiga Clan.. they've been hypocrites since the very beginning. And not just Master Kohga, but all of the Clan. Including himself too.</p><p>His stomach churned with that realisation. At first he had seen it that it was only Master Kohga who was the evil one, but that just wasn't true. It might have started with Kohga, but it was passed down through his words to the blademasters and continued on throughout the entire Clan.</p><p>Footsoldiers who became blademasters.</p><p>Blademasters who passed down the teachings to trainees.</p><p>Trainees who would graduate to become footsoldiers.</p><p>Constant, a never ending cycle. Almost like a.. spiral.</p><p>He was reminded of the Zonai's spiral pattern on their ruins in Faron.</p><p>(<em>I don't want to go back. I never want to go back to Karusa Valley.</em>)</p><p>His mantra was completely gone. There was only him, and Kiyah, and their unborn child and this broken little village they had made their home.</p><hr/><p>Rola reluctantly handed them the crib she had built. "I am so happy for you Kiyah, and yet I can't help feeling jealous." she was glaring over her shoulder at Cado who seemed none the wiser and Dorian couldn't help but wince. If this kept up those two were going to seperate. Somehow, Dorian couldn't help but feel a pang of jealously for his now friend too. Didn't Cado know how lucky he was, having a relationship with none of this baggage? Rola hadn't even been born here. She was a Hylian from Hateno, and a childhood friend of Kiyah's. When Kiyah had moved to Kakariko, Rola had come to visit her a lot and the two of them had been introduced then. Rola had moved from Hateno, to be with Cado, packed up her entire life and been accepted by the Sheikah tribe as one of them..</p><p>(<em>No. Don't feel bitter about Cado. None of this is his fault he doesn't even know about your past..</em>)</p><p>Calamity, he would have to tell them wouldn't he? Dorian's legs trembled with the knowledge of that. Even now, all these months after he had decided to leave the Clan, Dorian still couldn't take that final step. He had nightmares about that now. About Impa and Cado kicking him out of the village even though he had a child on the way.. he would have no choice then would he? He would have to return to Karusa Valley..</p><p>Dorian would thrash in Kiyah's bed (no this was <em>their</em> bed now, he had moved in almost immediately when they had found out that she was pregnant) from the intensity of the nightmares that plagued him almost every night though until Kiyah woke him up, tears running down her face from her beautiful red eyes..</p><p>And Dorian was exhausted. He didn't want to sleep. He still hadn't brought up the possibility of training with Cado, becoming a guard.. let alone what he used to be..</p><p>(<em>Monster.. I'm a monster..</em>)</p><p>It wasn't in his mantra anymore. This was all him. Once he had been proud to call himself a monster that served the Calamity, now he just knew it deep in his heart. He was.. a former Yiga Clan member.. and a Sheikah.. but also a monster not by his blood, his supposed malice, but because of the things he had done in thirty years of his life.</p><p>He didn't deserve this.</p><p>He didn't deserve any of this.</p><p>Kiyah.</p><p>Their child.</p><p>This village.</p><p>And yet, Dorian was stuck here. He wanted to go back, but he wanted to stay. He couldn't go back, and he couldn't stay.</p><hr/><p>Five months into Kiyah's pregnancy, a blood moon happened and Dorian found himself breaking down yet again (how many time had his mind shattered now?) it had been over two years now since he was first sent to Kakariko and he didn't think there was anything left in him yet to break, but he found himself in the now empty loft while Kiyah slept in the bed downstairs, stroking himself through his Sheikah trousers and hating himself more then he had ever hated himself in his life.</p><p>He had to be going insane. Dorian watched the blood moon rise through the little loft window and let it's glow completely consume him as he stroked himself to completion. He was completely terrified and aroused and he hated himself so much he actually wished that lynel had killed him.</p><p>"..Dorian?" he heard Kiyah's sleepy call for him downstairs and he froze, tears on his face, hand stuck on his throbbing length. (<em>Please go back to sleep, I don't want you to see me like this.</em>) She would be disgusted. She would kick him out, she would go to Impa and..</p><p>"Dorian?" he heard her call for him again, this time worry in her voice.</p><p>"I.. I'm in the loft." he heard himself croak out and reluctantly pulled his hand away, pulling his trousers back up, even though it <em>hurt</em>.</p><p>"Are you okay? What are you doing up there..?" He heard her moving from the bed and then her hands on the ladder. (<em>NO! She can't climb up here when she's pregnant, what if she hurt herself?!</em>) Dorian quickly moved to the top of the loft, looking down at Kiyah who's red eyes widened when she saw the disheveled broken mess of a state he was in.</p><p>"D-Dorian.."</p><p>"I'm so sorry Kiyah." tears were dripping down his face again, "I thought I was better, I thought I was controlling myself more, but I'm just.."</p><p>(<em>A monster.</em>)</p><p>"Come down here, immediately."</p><p>"Y-yes.."</p><p>She moved back to the bed, and even though he was throbbing in his trousers and every step hurt, he moved to the ladder himself, heading down it before standing in front of her. Kiyah's eyes flickered to the bulge in his trousers and Dorian squirmed under her piercing gaze.</p><p>"Come on, onto the bed now."</p><p>"K-Kiyah.. you don't have to.."</p><p>"<em>Dorian.</em>" she snapped fiercely at him and despite the shudders in his own body, he moved to obey her, laying down next to her on the bed. Dorian swallowed nervously as she reached out, untying his belt completely and removing it, and then pulling down the waistband of his trousers in one swoop, freeing him. Dorian looked away guiltily as his length sprang back up.</p><p>"K-Kiyah, you <em>really</em> don't have to--" he heard himself stammering again, but then she reached out, pressing one finger to the tip.</p><p>"Is this some kind of weird Yiga Clan thing?" she asked quietly. She didn't even really sound that disgusted, she sounded more <em>curious</em> then anything.</p><p>"Nnngh.." Dorian shuddered under the touch, "Yes and no.." he looked away, heat rising in his cheeks, "We.. we footsoldiers were never taught about our own bodies back in the Clan, basic biology just isn't part of the Yiga curriculum you know? T-the Clan.. we're taught to revere the blood moon and I guess somewhere along the way because of how repressed the Clan is when it comes to this kind of thing.. we just started.."</p><p>"Goddess." Kiyah was muttering softly, stroking her finger up and down the entirety of his length, "I know you said you were repressed in the Clan but this.."</p><p>Dorian whimpered, shivering heavily under her touch, "I'm sorry, you must be so disgusted."</p><p>She let out a soft hum, "I've been scared of the blood moon for as long as I can remember but.." she looked at him, and her red eyes were so soft and loving that he could barely stand it, "somehow nothing you tell me about the Clan surprises me anymore. Not even this."</p><p>"Kiyah.. I don't deserve you.." Dorian muttered weakly, but the Sheikah woman just smiled and wrapped her hand around him. Dorian completely froze at the feeling, even as pleasure snaked up his body. (<em>No. No way is she going to want to do this on a blood moon?!</em>)</p><p>"Kiyah, you don't have to--!"</p><p>"Dorian." she spoke softly, a tired smile on her face, "Don't think about the blood moon okay? Just look at my eyes for a moment." She was pressing her chin into his shoulder and Dorian couldn't help but look over at her, her free hand touching the left side of his face (it was always the left side of his face she would touch now that he thought about it).</p><p>"Repression.." the woman sighed softly, "it isn't good for you, you know. But there's a way we can take advantage of it too." Kiyah looked lazily at the window as she continued to stroke Dorian slowly, "Hm.. I'd say we're pretty close to the peak of the blood moon now maybe.. oh, there we go." Dorian shuddered as the particles began to fill the room. "Shut your eyes now dear, just focus on me and how good it feels."</p><p>Dorian obeyed, shutting his eyes and shuddered as Kiyah continued to stroke him slowly, but then as his toes curled and he was pretty sure he was about to come, she pulled away her hand and then he was keening, shuddering, gasping, his hands twitching a little and he wanted to stroke himself, but his hands firmly remained by his sides. She was doing her usual 'Kiyah' thing, wasn't she, trying to pull him out of this rut he had got himself in.</p><p>"There we go." she was whispering sleepily to him, "You did beautiful there, now just relax for a moment and I'll start again." his heart was pounding in his chest, but he obeyed her commands. Once the tingling in him had died down, she wrapped her hand around him again, stroking slowly once more.</p><p>(<em>Calamity, oh Calamity, what is she doing to me..?</em>) His mind was floating somewhere above him and he could feel his saliva trickling out of his mouth wettening his beard, but once again the pleasure in him grew with her slow strokes. Again, just as he throught he was about to come, she pulled her hand away and then he heard a noise and realised.. that had come from him? It was soft, high pitched, almost like her own moans. (<em>I had no idea I could moan like that.</em>)</p><p>It hurt a little being denied. But it felt good at the same time. Every time she would reach out to stroke him again, it would make his pleasure just so much more intense.</p><p>"Goddess I love those moans you're making." Kiyah was giggling a little tiredly. "Again now dear~" she wrapped her hand around him and started stroking again and at this point he was pretty sure he had lost all cognitive function. He couldn't think about anything at this point, he could only <em>feel</em> her.</p><p>He wasn't sure how long he was there for. It could have been twenty minutes, it could have been an hour, as she continued to stroke and deny and stroke him again, but evantually she spoke to him again. "You can open your eyes now Dorian dear." he couldn't help but obey and.. the blood moon was gone.</p><p>"Oh.. Kiyah Kiyah <em>Kiyah</em>.." he heard himself chant her name, the moans coming from him were so soft and high pitched and his brain felt so numb, and everything else felt so good and he didn't even feel guilty at all.</p><p>"I'm going to make you come now." Her hand wrapped around his length, one stroke, two strokes, a lot quicker now, she flicked the head gently, and then she was stroking him constantly, quickly, his toes curled, his back arched, and he was releasing himself into her hand, and he was pretty sure it was the best orgasm he had ever had as she kissed the left side of his face and stroked him all the way through it, until he completely blacked out, falling asleep in her arms.</p><p>That night, he didn't have a nightmare, for the first time in months.</p><hr/><p>Four months later, there was a waxing crescent moon in the sky and the cry of a baby pierced the quiet sounds, the windchimes and sunset fireflies of Kakariko Village.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Five Years</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Women really were <em>amazing</em>.</p><p>Dorian had never really thought it about before that night that their daughter was born. As Kiyah cried and pushed and held his hand (Calamity, her grip was so strong) Dorian was just marveled at it all. Somehow all the stress and pain he had gone through this entire time was nothing compared to this as she pushed an entire living being out of her own body.</p><p>He had never really had any strong feelings towards women <em>or</em> men before (distantly he remembered in the back of his mind that footsoldiers would hook up together in the Clan regardless of gender) and figured that's how it would always be with him. Even now, he knew he loved Kiyah because it was <em>her</em> and not because she was a woman. He absolutely believed that if Kiyah had been a man instead, he would still feel the same way.</p><p>And yet, he knew within his heart that women really were <em>amazing</em>. How they could create life inside their own bodies (those last few months before she gave birth had felt so.. blissful. Just sitting there, his hand pressed to his stomach, feeling their child kick around inside her). And not just her either, Impa and Rola were here too taking care of her, helping her with the birth, while Cado watched over outside and Claree took care of Paya. He honestly felt a bit useless. All the women were doing the work and he felt like he was doing nothing.</p><p>"You're not Dorian." Rola had spoken softly to him, "You're here supporting her."</p><p>And so it continued as the waxing crescent moon rose in the sky and Dorian was just marveled by everything, the creation of life and how strong Kiyah was and.. when their daughter let out her cry in the early morning, Dorian cried too. And felt true peace for possibly the first time ever in his thirty plus years of his life.</p>
<hr/><p>When Impa and Rola had left, leaving the small family alone in their own home, Dorian held their daughter for the first time and <em>wept</em>. He was filled with such love that it was almost unbearable. He was pretty sure he loved their child even more then he loved Kiyah himself and he never thought that was possible.</p><p>"..Dorian?" Kiyah was smiling at him tiredly.</p><p>But then Dorian was looking at her, and her expression turned alarmed. Over the last year she had become attuned to Dorian's mental state and she could see it now in his grey eyes. He was happy of course, but there was a much deeper pain there too. Kiyah waved her hand at him to come closer and he moved to her while still cradling their daughter. Kiyah reached out, gently stroking the left side of Dorian's face.</p><p>"What's wrong dear?"</p><p>Dorian took a shaky breath, unable to pull his eyes away from their little girl, "..I'm just. Thinking about the Clan again. About.. about my own parents."</p><p>Their daughter had grey eyes just like him..</p><p>"I know I shouldn't care about them. Even when I was back in the Clan. And yet.. I thought about them constantly."</p><p>Had they held him just like he was with now his own daughter?</p><p>"They just gave me up without even a second thought. Did they really just not care about me at all?"</p><p>"Dorian.." Kiyah was crying now too, reaching for him and her arms wrapped around his shoulders.</p><p>After he had met Kiyah and she had explained about her own father, Dorian had wondered what it was like, to have a normal family. Maybe his father could have read stories to him like hers did.. he had imagined himself in his father's lap, learning about Yiga Clan history (and not in the classrooms where fear of messing up would get you sent to the purification chamber) and the dream had hurt him so much when he was back in his own bed back at the barracks that evantually he had shut it out his mind entirely and pretended that he never wanted it in the first place.</p><p>"I'm never going back there Kiyah." Dorian heard himself sob and at that moment, he truly <em>believed</em> it, "Never never never <em>never never</em>." he was breathing so heavily..</p><p>"Dorian, you're going to have a panic attack, <em>breathe</em>."</p><p>Never. Never would he walk back into Karusa Valley again.</p><p>And maybe that would have been true in another life.. and the story could have ended here, but sadly, not in this one.</p>
<hr/><p>The day after, Dorian finally knew what he had to do, and so he walked into Impa's home and, with Cado watching (a completely stunned look on the guard's face) and Kiyah carrying their daughter who they had named Koko, he finally told them the truth about his past. That almost two years ago now, he had been sent to Kakariko as a spy. That for the past thirty years he had been raised as a Yiga Clan member and that he was deeply deeply sorry for lying to them all this time, and that he would completely understand if they kicked him out, and he was <em>weeping</em> and--</p><p>"Dorian, I'm not going to kick you out of the village." Impa spoke softly.</p><p>Cado placed a hand on Dorian's shoulder as he shook on his knees on the floor and there was such a soft look in the man's eyes it was staggering to him.</p><p>"Dorian, you're one of us. We don't care where you came from."</p><p>"But.." he croaked, "I.. I <em>lied</em> to you. I.."</p><p>Impa took a deep breath, "Dorian if we're all being entirely honest here, I've suspected it ever since I first met you when I invited you to stay here."</p><p>He was recoiling, "..What?" he looked up at the elder, a shocked look on his own face.</p><p>"Of course, I only suspected it. I didn't have enough proof to make such a baseless accusation about you. But you had never harmed the village, you hunted for us, you took care of our monster problem and it helped that the villagers were liking you more with each and every day."</p><p>"But.."</p><p>"I won't deny I was worried. Everytime I saw you leave the village I would wonder what in all of Hyrule I was even doing, allowing you to stay. Anything could have happened, you could have been planning a whole attack with the Clan on Kakariko to finally wipe the whole village out."</p><p>(<em>No. No, never. I would never--</em>)</p><p>"And then.. you saved Paya that night and I knew deep in my heart you were a good person Dorian. And so I relented."</p><p>Dorian swallowed painfully as his fingers trembled on the wooden floor of Impa's home.</p><p>(<em>I don't deserve this.</em>)</p><p>'Yes. Yes you do.'</p><p>He was surprised at the mantra, his inner voice calling out to him. It had been silent for so long that hearing it's voice in his mind stunned him so much that he didn't even realise Impa was standing in front of him.</p><p>"Come on now, Dorian, you don't have to bend down to me like that." she was speaking softly to him and he moved to stand, and the elder was reaching for his hands, "Sometimes.. I like to think what could have happened, in another life.." she was murmuring softly, "In another life where my friends didn't all die in the castle, in another life where we could have <em>won</em>. I would like to think that Yiga Clan would have become our allies too in such a life, as sad as that's to think about now.."</p><p>"I couldn't even imagine such a thing Elder Impa." Dorian had heard rumours about their previous Master Kohga and he would have never relented, even in a timeline when the Hero and Champions won. Maybe.. maybe the current Master Kohga, had he been Master back then (somehow even now despite his deepening hatred, some distant part of him hoped to think there was <em>something</em> in the old Master that was salvagable. He allowed non Sheikah to join the Clan after all, he seemed genuinely invested in this whole 'making the Clan a family' mentality, despite how warped it had become with the 'monsters, malice and descended from the Great Calamity' stuff and how those ideas had been taken and warped even more through the blademasters). But even <em>then</em>, it was hard for Dorian to even concieve.</p><p>(<em>This is our current reality. The Yiga Clan are pure evil and I'm never going back there.</em>)</p>
<hr/><p>The following early years of Koko's life were the gentlest and happiest Dorian had ever experienced in his life so far. Every new moment with Koko and Kiyah was like an entire new experience for him, a life he once could have never imagined for himself. Every single thing Koko did would have Dorian crying again. The first time she touched his face (left side, just like Kiyah would). The first time he fed her with a bottle.. "Move your head a little while you feed her." Kiyah whispered to him, "Watch how her eyes follow you, it good for her eyes development." The first time she let out a noise that wasn't a cry.. her first <em>smile</em>. (Dorian had to give Koko to Kiyah for that moment because the next thing he knew he had collapsed on the floor, crying himself out of genuine happiness and fear because he knew had she been born in the Yiga Clan she would have <em>never</em> smiled like that.)</p><p>As the weeks turned into months and Koko started getting bigger with each passing day, he noted how she became more curious about the world. Rola would be in their home more often then she would her own and the three of them would just watch as Koko learned more and more each day, rolling over, sitting up, crawling..</p><p>"Koko! Where am I?" Rola would put her hands over her own eyes and Koko's head would tilt a little as if she didn't realise the Hylian was in still in front of her, then Rola would remove her hands and say "Here I am!" and Koko would let out the most delightful squealing noises that made Dorian's heart feel so light it was like he could completely forget his own past.</p><p>(<em>What if.. what if we had another a child?</em>)</p><p>The thought came to him one night when Koko was sleeping in her crib next to the bed and Kiyah was curled up sleeping in his arms. They had never planned for Koko but now that she was here.. he wouldn't mind it at all, the idea of having another child. Maybe even a <em>third</em>. There was probably enough space in the loft for three beds after all.. (they had a toddler bed up there now, although Koko was still too young for that).</p><p>Before he knew it, an entire another year had passed and they were celebrating Koko's first birthday. Dorian didn't even care at this point that he had been in Kakariko for three years. Long had it been now since the last time he had gone up to the meeting point. It was a distant thought, a barely remembered memory in his mind. All he cared about now was Kiyah, Koko and this amazing wonderful village that had accepted him despite his past (even if it was only still Impa and Cado who knew about it).</p><p>Koko said her first word 'Da-da' and Kiyah was so happy, but couldn't deny that she was also a little envious that it wasn't 'Ma-ma' instead.</p><p>One year turned to two. (Four years he had been in Kakariko.)</p><p>Koko moved from the crib to the toddler bed.</p><p>Two years turned to three. (Five years he had been in Kakariko.)</p><p>The Yiga Clan and everything they had done to him felt like another life at that point. It was gone. When he imagined that six year old child now, instead of his trainee self he saw a smiling happy six year old boy wearing Sheikah clothing. Dorian wanted this peace to last forever more.</p><p>But alas, that was never going to happen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Six+ Years</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a guardian stalker just outside the village. No, there were <em>two</em>. They must have come from Central Hyrule recently as neither had seemingly been there before.</p><p>Dorian remembered the terror in his own heart as seemingly the entire village cowered and cried in their own homes as they heard the laser beams all the way from Sahasra Slope one early morning. Thankfully the village was too far away too hear the whirring, but they could still hear the laser beams.</p><p>Dorian would have nightmares those next few days as he remembered being back there in Faron when he was a young footsoldier, running and teleporting away frantically from the guardian stalker that was chasing him from Komo Shoreline over Martha's Landing.</p><p>Later that day Dorian and Cado had left the village and found the bodies: a Hylian merchant and their donkey, bled out on the grass. From the Hylian's clothing, they had seemingly been from Goponga Village. It was tragic and painful and Dorian would never forget Cado's desperate sobbing as he collapsed into the grass next to the bodies for as long as lived. (It said a lot about Dorian's traineehood that seeing a body didn't elict this kind of response from him). Dorian had gently moved the man's hands placing them together on his chest and whispered a small prayer for him, that he would hopefully find peace in the Spirit Realm. But there was nothing either of them could do, they had covered the bodies with a blanket and just hoped that the monsters would not eat them.</p><p>That night, Dorian found Cado drunk for the first time ever in the entire time he had been here and such despair hit his heart that he couldn't bear it. "Cado.. <em>Cado</em>.." he shook his friend's shoulder as the other man lay his head on the table behind the cooking pot.</p><p>"Heeyyyy Dorian." the drunk guard hiccuped a little, "I know you're.." he was slurring a little, "I.. I know you're not an official guard yet, but c-can you take over duty for me tonight..? I d-don't think.." he hiccuped again, "I don't think I'm in my right mind for this.."</p><p>"Of course, my friend." Dorian carefully lifted Cado up (it was very easy to lift the lighter man up with his own strength) and then helped him back to his own (empty) house. Dorian unshuttered the door, helping Cado up the stairs, but then Cado staggered backwards down the stairs and Dorian gasped as he just barely managed to catch him. Slowly but surely, he managed to get Cado back into his home, and then finally pulled the duvet back. Cado was so drunk at this point he was mumbling to himself, seemingly having forgotten Dorian was even there, "..Hero. Where is the Hero? Why hasn't he come and saved us..?"</p><p>Dorian swallowed painfully at Cado's broken whispers. The Hero was <em>dead</em>. There was no-one coming to save them. Hyrule was on it's own. "I'm sorry Cado.." he helped his friend into his bed, taking his Sheikah hat off him and dropping it onto the sidetable, before draping the duvet over his body. As he turned to leave though, he suddenly heard it. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh and Cado's soft moans for his estranged wife and a deep blush rose onto his own cheeks as he hurriedly left the house, quickly shuttering it up again and leaving Cado in his own drunken stupor.</p><p>That night as Dorian stood by Impa's house, looking up at the starful sky, the despair in his own heart grew more and more so. It was getting worse out there in Hyrule with each passing year. This year there had been a blood moon every two <em>months</em>. That was six in a year. The monsters were getting worse too, more aggressive. His nightmares were back stronger then ever and he was terrified for his family, this village, no, <em>all</em> of Hyrule.</p><p>(<em>The Calamity is going to destroy Hyrule. What am I supposed to do? I'm just one man. I'm no Hero..</em>)</p><p>He still remembered Koko's first blood moon. She had been barely just been one year old, and yet she had cried and screamed all night. Without any context whatsoever, even a <em>baby</em> knew how terrifying the blood moon was.</p><p>How old was he now? Maybe 37 or 38? And that would make this year.. 92 or 93 since the Great Calamity attacked Hyrule Castle.</p><p>(<em>It's like a countdown isn't it? Everything's going to get worse and worse and something is going to happen on the 100 year anniversery.</em>)</p><p>His heart thudded in his chest at this realisation. They were running out of time. And yet, still he was here in this village. Still, somehow, even after all these years, the Yiga Clan still hadn't called him back.</p><p>(<em>Maybe they really did forget about me somehow. Maybe the Clan is so caught up in the stupor of everything getting better for them, that they've completely forgotten about the spy they sent here all those years ago.</em>)</p><p>That thought made him so blisteringly angry, the hatred was completely overwhelming him. People were out here, dying every day, and the Yiga Clan would be completely <em>overjoyed</em>.</p><p>Dorian hated them.</p><p>He hated the entire Clan so much that it was completely overtaking even the love in his heart.</p>
<hr/><p>Kiyah had never been born here in Kakariko, but her father had. Her father had been an older Sheikah (not as old as Purah or Impa) who had been born just before the Calamity had happened. The entire reason he had left Kakariko and gone to work for Purah for the first place was because he couldn't stand the misery in the village. It had been completely claustrophobic back then in the first few decades after the Calamity first happened. Working for Purah helped, it helped keep his mind off things as they looked into the Divine Beasts and and Sheikah Slate technology. Even though there had been a twenty year age gap between Purah and her father, Kiyah had had the distinct impression that they had been quite close.</p><p>Hateno was a happy bright settlement, despite the tragedy of everything else in Hyrule, and she had genuinely loved living there. She remembered her own childhood, how much of a wild child she had been as she played with Rola and her other Hylian friends. She had never even worn proper Sheikah clothing until she reached her teenage years, prefering instead traditional Hylian garb like her Hylian friends. Her love of stories of course came from her father as did her natural curiosity about this world she lived in (she was a researcher's daughter after all). And her love of food.. she had always wanted to try new things, not just Hateno's traditional staples of rice, eggs and milk, but her father's love of the vegetables from his own village, and whenever a merchant came into Hateno with ingredients that weren't common, she had always wanted to learn as many recipes as possible.</p><p>As Kiyah looked over her recipe book, scrolling through the parchments stored in it, she let out a shaky breath. It all started because of this dream hadn't it? That was how she had met Dorian in the first place all those years ago in Faron. Her dream.. to learn every single recipe in all of Hyrule.</p><p>With her newly captured horse Firly, caught not too far from her home village, all over Hyrule she had traveled in search of every single recipe she could find, from Gerudo Town (she scrolled through the meat and poultry dishes she had learned there, as well as her signature tonic recipe and even a recipe for the Noble Pursuit although she had no interest in alcohol), to Rito Village and their fish and cake recipes (she still had a page here saved here with the title legendary fruitcake recipe with questions marks on it) she had never made it to Goron City as it was too hot, and she had been turned away from Zora's Domain.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>"Too dangerous for Hylians!" she remembered the older Zora scolding her when she had attempted to climb the pathway towards the Domain</em>.</p>
</blockquote><p>Of course there was the Hylian settlements too, and she looked through the surviving recipes from a time old age, Tabantha Bake (tabantha wheat, hylian shrooms and rushrooms), Deya Hot Pot (two porgies, hearty bass, hyrule herb and bright eyed crab) even though Deya Village was long gone, same for the Mabe Souffle (goat butter, bird egg, hyrule herb and fresh milk) only remembered by its surviving inhabitants even though Mabe Village fell all those years ago..</p><p>Kiyah was really proud of her recipe book. It wasn't complete yet, but she hoped that one day it evantually would be: a listing of every single recipe in Hyrule. She even had a recipe for the well kept secret of the Akkala buns recipe although she had no idea how to make such a thing (how do you cook tireless frogs by themselves without monster parts?) and as she kept scrolling through the pages, there was one recipe that in particular that jumped out at her.. Creamy Heart Soup. She really wanted to make this one, she knew Dorian would love it, but desert fruit was so hard to get here. Hopefully if she kept checking the merchants she would find someone who sold them evantually, even if she could only make one portion for him.</p><p>Finally, she reached the end of her book and she shut it as she looked towards Koko who was doodling on a piece of parchment on the table. Right now, Dorian and Cado would be training outside again. It was good for him, training to become the other guard. It was keeping him busy. And yet, Kiyah could see it in Dorian's eyes the more time was passing. The same broken look that existed in every villager here and it pained her so much.</p><p>Maybe it was time to tell him about her tonic's secret ingredient. She just needed to find some of the fairies that hid in the back of the village again. Kiyah moved to the chest by the table to look for ingredients for tonights meal, and as she rummaged through the chest her hand suddenly hit something unfamiliar to her. A large bottle.. she flinched a little before pulling it up. She knew what this was, it was the pure Gerudo Town alcohol that quarter Sheikah peddler sold to the villagers. Kiyah shuddered as she turned the bottle in her hands, seeing the red liquid in it. She hadn't bought this. Had.. had Dorian? Her heart <em>fell</em> at the prospect and she hurriedly put it back in the chest.</p><p>Clearly Dorian's mental state was worse then she had thought if he had bought this. No matter, she would be strong for the both of them. Recipes, recipes.. what to make for tonight? Maybe go with the basics, Meat-Stuffed Pumpkin. It <em>was</em> Dorian's favourite after all.</p><p>(<em>Maybe I should propose to him..</em>) just the thought made Kiyah feel fuzzy and light headed. They had a child after all, maybe they should make it official and become husband and wife.</p><p>To think that it would have ended up this way. She still remembered discovering that book in her father's personal library when she was little, about Sheikah and Yiga Clan history. Kiyah had probably been too young to read it (her father would have definetely confiscated it off her had he known she was reading it) but her curiosity had gotten the better of her and so she had read the book constantly.</p><p>She had read it so many times, she even remembered the name of the Clan's founder printed on the spine of the book (Chi Kohga.. that's what it had said) but the more times she had read it, the more she found herself feeling more <em>sympathetic</em> for that Clan, rather then outright hating them. For not only was there tales of the Clan's deeds, but also accounts from former members. How terrible their lives had been in the Clan, how guilty they had felt afterwards when they left. It was in Kiyah's nature to never turn her back on a fellow Hyrulean, and so when she had discovered that unconscious footsoldier in Atun Valley she hadn't even thought twice about it.</p><p>Okay, so maybe it had been a little naive of her, going so far to tell him her name and where she came from, especially considering he had lied to her about his own name. But now, as she looked back on that fated meeting at Lover's Pond, Kiyah didn't regret anything anymore.</p><p>She was in love with a former Yiga Clan member. They had a child together. And yes, while she felt guilty that Hyrule itself seemed to be falling apart more and more with every year, for now, all she wanted to do was live here in Kakariko with her little family for as long as possible.</p><p>And.. maybe, just maybe, Kiyah dared to hope that was a Hero was out there somewhere. That just like the stories she had been told as a child, a Hero would one day come to save their land.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>The Sheikah had no idea that at the exact time she was thinking such things, that a small child was laying completely silent in a boat as her parents bodies bled out in the water surrounding Martha's Landing from a guardian stalker's laser beam: the exact same guardian stalker that had brought the two of them together all those years ago.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm pretty sure I've completely lost control of my AUs timeline at this point but oh well: writers cannot do math trope and all that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Six+ Years Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the months were changing, the gears in Dorian's brain were shifting as the beginnings of an unspeakable plan came to him. Dorian knew it in his heart, that the Yiga Clan were completely unsalvagable. (<em>Pure evil</em>). Had been so for a long time, long before even he was born.</p><p>Dorian wasn't a Hero, and he couldn't stop the Calamity. But maybe.. just maybe he could do something about the Yiga Clan. It might not do anything in the end, but even so, as a former Yiga Clan member he knew just how twisted and depraved the Clan was.. and if he could save any lives from the Clan's evil, then surely that would mean something in the end?</p><p>Even if it meant he had to go back to Karusa Valley to do so.</p><p>'No. NO! I don't want to go back!' He could see the six year old in his mind screaming at him, tears running down the boy's face. 'What about Kiyah? What about Koko? You just want to <em>abandon</em> them?!'</p><p>Of course he didn't. As he sat in their bed with Kiyah asleep in his arms, and with Koko asleep in her bed in the loft, looking at the dim lanterns on the ceiling of their home, he knew that the plan he was slowly coming up with was..</p><p>The worst idea he had ever had in his life.</p><p>And yet..</p><p>As he trained with Cado, as he looked out at the Castle seemingly every night, as he watched the villagers get more and more miserable with each passing day.</p><p>The plan wouldn't leave his head.</p><p>(<em>Maybe this was what I was born to do all along.</em>)</p><p>Still, he hoped, he dreamed, that it would never come to that. Maybe if they never came back for him at all, he never would need to initate such a plan.</p>
<hr/><p>As he watched the peddler come back again one night (seeing how more and more villagers were crowding around them these days), Dorian's heart felt heavy. Thankfully Cado, at the very least, was seemingly not interested anymore. He had gotten it out of his system and was back to his old self. But.. even the peddler seemed melancholy.</p><p>Dorian later found out why. There had been a Yiga Clan ambush of one of their own merchants not too far from the village. (Dorian felt himself tense knowing they were so close to the village when they <em>shouldn't</em> have been and felt Cado's hand on his shoulder). Three blademasters. Of course, the merchant hadn't survived. Everything they had had been taken.</p><p>When Dorian returned back to his home that night, he had completely collapsed onto the floor. Thankfully Koko was already asleep but Kiyah rushed to his side immediately. Of course he had told her, that the Yiga Clan were spotted not too far from the village. Their relationship was a completely open and honest one after all.</p><p>But in the years that followed he would regret that decision.</p>
<hr/><p>Dorian and Cado had been in another training session late at night. They were close to completing Dorian's skills. In maybe two months, Dorian would probably end up officially taking the other guard position. But then..</p><p>"Dorian!"</p><p>Cado looked away embarassed as Rola came rushing up to them, but thankfully Rola wasn't interested in her estranged husband, there was a look of sheer panic in the Hylian's eyes as she grabbed Dorian's hand, pulling him away from the training and back towards his and Kiyah's home.</p><p>"Rola, what's wrong?"</p><p>The Hylian looked at him, such a look of despair in her eyes, "I-it's Kiyah.. I've never seen her like this before."</p><p>Dorian's heart plummeted. (<em>No. No no no nononono.</em>)</p><p>Rola explained what had happened as they reached their home and Dorian's despair grew with every step. Apparantly a group of Hylian merchants had come into the village and Kiyah had been looking to trade certain ingredients with them. But the Hylians.. they had been talking about the Hero.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"How long until that Hero comes anyway? I'm getting sick and tired of waiting around for them."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>And.. Kiyah had hit her breaking point, just like Cado had.</p><p>"Where's Koko?" Dorian heard himself say, his mind completely numb as they approached the house.</p><p>"She's okay, Lasli is looking after her. Kiyah at least had enough sense of self to realise that her daughter maybe wouldn't want to watch her mother get <em>drunk</em> for the first time ever in her life."</p><p>Rola had left back for her own house and with tears filling his eyes, Dorian opened the door of their own home.</p><p>"..Kiyah?"</p><p>"Dorian~!" her light sing song voice sounded so <em>wrong</em>. He looked at Kiyah who was curled up in the bed, giggling softly to herself and Dorian's hand tightened around his Sheikah jacket over his chest. Her entire face was flushed, she looked the most disheveled he had ever seen in his entire life and..</p><p>Oh.</p><p>She was naked from the waist down. She had removed the entire blue dress and was only wearing her Sheikah jacket and that belt from Faron.. Kiyah waved at him, a dazed drunken look in her eyes. "I've missed you so much Dorian~ where have you been~?"</p><p>And yet.. somehow, his brain was turning. Kiyah hadn't been at the peddler when he was here the other day. Dorian had <em>never</em> seen Kiyah with the alcohol peddler. Where had she..?</p><p>He realised all too suddenly, as even more despair and guilt ran through his body and mind.</p><p>(<em>It was my bottle wasn't it? The one I bought all those years ago. I was going to throw it out, but with everything that happened I completely forgot..</em>)</p><p>"Doooorrriiiiaaaannnn~" Kiyah was pouting a little now, waving at him a little more urgently and even though there were tears dripping down his face, he moved to shutter the door behind him, moving to the bed beside her.</p><p>Immediately once he had done so, Kiyah was all over him, kissing him sloppily. He could smell the overpowering alcohol on her breath. Dorian couldn't even react. He felt so numb. (<em>This isn't real. This isn't happening. It's.. Kiyah! She's never drunk alcohol in her entire life!</em>) His eyes found the bottle that was on the nightstand and he realised with a start that it was only half empty. (<em>She's this drunk from only half a bottle?! How strong is that stuff?!</em>)</p><p>"Dorian, when was the last time we were together, huh~?" Kiyah was moaning into his mouth, "Feels like it's been forever.."</p><p>"We.. we have a young child, remember?" his voice felt thick in his mouth, "Koko?"</p><p>Kiyah made a wildberry noise with her tongue and actually rolled her eyes and Dorian felt the despair in him grow even more. (<em>It's the alcohol talking, she wouldn't be like this if she was sober.</em>) Kiyah was grabbing his hand and pulling it down between her legs. "Feel me Dorian~" she was whispering to him in a sultry voice, "Feel how <em>wet</em> I am." (<em>Calamity, no, not with her like this..</em>) Kiyah was giggling into his mouth, "If I had known how <em>good</em> it would feel drinking that stuff, I would have done it years ago~"</p><p>"Kiyah, <em>please</em>." Dorian whimpered, as his hands found her heated cheeks, making her glazed red eyes look at his grey ones. "You don't want this, I <em>know</em> you don't."</p><p>Kiyah was blinking at him, seemingly confused, and then let out a (way too loud) laugh as she pulled her head back. Dorian started to panic, looking around. They were usually so quiet and gentle when they explored each others bodies. They needed to be considering how close and tight knit the villages houses were, as well as their own house being on the main path near the shops.</p><p>"Dooorrrriiiaaannn~" Kiyah was giggling at him again, "Are you repressing yourself again~? Don't know how many times I have to tell you, but that isn't good for your--" she hiccuped a little, "y-your mental state~"</p><p>She reached down and started to rub between his legs and Dorian shuddered at the feeling, his face pressing down against her shoulder. Maybe.. maybe he just needed to get her off and then she would fall asleep and they could forget all of this happened tomorrow, but then Kiyah was speaking again.</p><p>"You know Dorian, earlier I was remembering what you offered to me in this house all those years ago~ do you remember~?" she was slurring her words now and his eyebrows burrowed a little. They had had so many conversation in this house over the years, that he couldn't remember any specific ones.. what was she talking about? "I know you haven't forgotten~" Kiyah was giggling again, and her red eyes were gleaming at him, "When you asked me to join the Yiga Clan."</p><p>(<em>NO. PLEASE, CALAMITY, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS.</em>)</p><p>"Kiyah, <em>please</em>.." Dorian was outright sobbing into her shoulder now, his despair had reached the tipping point, "please, I-I don't.."</p><p>"Don't be silly Dorian, of course I wouldn't have accepted <em>then</em> but.." Kiyah was laying down on the bed, pulling him with her and Dorian was helpless to follow her, "But I was wondering what would have happened if you had offered it to me back then in Faron."</p><p>..Faron? Dorian was staring at her numbly and Kiyah was moving one of his hands to her breasts. Dorian didn't move to stroke it, but just kept his hand there on her chest as she continued to speak.</p><p>"I thought about it a lot you know.. after my father died." Kiyah was shuddering. "For a while I was wondering where I was going to go. Of course there was Kakariko, my father's home village.. but I thought about coming to the desert too. I wanted to find you."</p><p>Dorian felt so numb and broken at that point he couldn't take it, "You.. you were thinking about joining the Yiga Clan?"</p><p>Kiyah sighed again, "I was so upset at director Purah you know. Hateno was my <em>home</em>. I wanted to stay there." she pouted, looking away, "Purah said that I should be with my own people in Kakariko. But I <em>never</em> felt like I belonged here you know. I had only been here a few times in my childhood and it was <em>weird</em> suddenly being here all the time." Kiyah pouted and there was a genuine look of <em>anger</em> in her red eyes as she looked away from him, "..It felt like I was being kicked out of the only home I ever knew."</p><p>(<em>Just like what happened to our ancestors. We were banished and then--</em>) Dorian suddenly gasped. (<em>It's exactly what happened with me all those years ago! I was so frustrated at being sent here to be a spy, it felt like I was abandoned!</em>)</p><p>"Kiyah." Dorian was sobbing heavily into her chest, "Why did you never <em>tell</em> me any of this?"</p><p>"I.. don't know ..so.. stupid that I kept this bottled up for so long when I was the one trying to tell you to be open and honest with me.." Kiyah was slurring even more now and then she was squirming again, pressing her legs together, "Nnngh.. Dorian.. <em>please</em>.."</p><p>(<em>Just get her off.</em>) Dorian pleaded to himself. (<em>She's done so much for you over the years, just don't think about it and do it for her.</em>)</p><p>"Dorian, do you think I would have made a good Yiga Clan member?"</p><p>Dorian officially hit his breaking point and reached for the half empty bottle.</p><p>"You would have made an <em>amazing</em> Yiga Clan member Kiyah."</p><p>He drank the entire rest of the bottle in one go.</p>
<hr/><p>In the house next door, Cado pulled his duvet over himself and covered his ears as Dorian slammed Kiyah against the wall of their home and their moans hit a feverish pitch.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Six+ Years Part III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A month later, Dorian found himself hunting in the forest behind the village. It had felt like it was <em>ages</em> since he last hunted. Since he had started training to take the guard position, usually it was someone else who hunted the boar. But there was a problem. The villagers who had come up to hunt had said there were no boar around and that it felt odd around the little forest. Kiyah had offered to go hunt, but Dorian had outright refused.</p><p>They all knew it. She was probably pregnant again.</p><p>So Dorian had come up instead. The moment he stepped into the little forest, he felt it. The weird atmosphere. There was a strange feeling in the back of his mind, something felt.. oddly familiar. But his mind was sluggish. Between everything that had happened recently and all the years that had passed, his senses were not as sharp as they used to be.</p><p>The villagers were right about the boar, he couldn't find a single one. It was like they had all been spooked off. He wondered about hunting the deer in Rabia Plain instead, unlike the boar just a few of those deer (along with the vegetables they grew of course) would feed the village for a month and there was always plenty of deer around Rabia Plain.</p><p>It was still early day yet, so Dorian made his mind up and decided to head to the Plain. as he passed Lanayru Road's West Gate however..</p><p>"I heard the weather's going to be nice tomorrow."</p><p>Dorian blinked and turned around, noting the Hylian waving at him and frowning a little. Hylians on Lanayru Road? But no-one other then Kakariko's villagers came up here. The road was too dangerous for any regular Hylian to come up. Well, he didn't have much time to think about it, he had a job to do for the village after all, so he raised his free hand, waving back to the Hylian. "Yes, can't wait."</p><p>The Hylian was smiling oddly at him and.. something about this.. felt way too familliar.. but.. but he just couldn't <em>remember</em>. At his obvious confusion, the Hylian suddenly dropped their smile, "Too bad you won't be alive to enjoy it."</p><p>All too late he realised what this was and he raised his phrenic bow, but it was too late. Suddenly there was a blademaster slamming him down into the ground and Dorian screamed and thrashed, but the blademaster had already captured his hands, overpowering him with his superior strength, holding Dorian's hands over his head and quickly discarding the phrenic bow. Dorian was <em>helpless</em>.</p><p>"Calamity, footsoldier, look how weak you've become." the blademaster was laughing at him, "I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the Yiga Clan book." the blademaster was reaching for his chin, tilting his head up a little as tears formed in Dorian's eyes, "But then again, I suppose I outrank you now, don't I footsoldier?"</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>They were walking through the hideout and Dorian was grinning behind his mask, "Well, I outrank you, don't I trainee?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The pink eyed boy pouted and crossed his arms, "Not for much longer."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Dorian's eyes widened, "..Lizz?"</p><p>The blademaster let out a little huff and raised his fist and Dorian winced, shutting his eyes, but the blademaster just tapped his knuckles (maybe a little too roughly but not the outright punch he was expecting) to the side of Dorian's head.</p><p>"I'll allow you that one mention of my unpure name, but only because you haven't been back in the Clan for so long."</p><p>The blademaster.. <em>Lizz</em> was climbing off him, and then he reached out with one hand. "Now get up footsoldier, I've got something for you."</p><p>'Don't!' his inner voice screamed at him. 'Please, don't! Just run away, teleport back to the village! You have a second child on the way!'</p><p>Dorian didn't even think twice, and he reached for Lizz's hand and allowed himself to be pulled up even as his inner voice sobbed in the back of his mind. Lizz nodded at him approvingly and then was pulling out an envelope. It had no name on it, but Dorian could see the inverted eye seal on the back of the envelope. This was it then, his official recalling back to Karusa Valley.</p><p>"You've got a week to wrap up things here, and you're lucky Master Kohga's even giving you that." Lizz was speaking to him coldly, "And if you're not there.. well." he was chuckling darkly, "You're not going to like what comes next, you got it?"</p><p>Dorian bowed sharply to the blademaster (Lizz was his superior after all).</p><p>"I'll be there respected blademaster. You have my word."</p><p>Lizz let out a sharp laugh. He clearly didn't believe it for a second.</p><p>"We'll see about that."</p><p>And then he was gone, teleported away back to the hideout in smoke and talismans and for a few moments Dorian was momentarily stunned, holding the envelope to his chest. It had all happened so quickly, that he hadn't had time to really process it.</p><p>With shaky hands, Dorian looked down at the envelope, ripping it open and pulling out the parchment inside. But it confirmed what he already knew: his mission was over. He was being recalled back to the hideout. His eyes burrowed a little in confusion as he read the scrawly message that had appeared to have been written by Master Kohga himself. It just said 'mission'. Not 'spying mission'. What was <em>that</em> about?</p><p>There was some ore deposits where they were and Dorian quickly broke them with his eightfold blade, collecting a piece of flint before heading into Rabia Plains, he then cut down a tree from the little forest there, cutting off a piece of wood and quickly lighting a campfire, burning both the letter and the envelope. As he watched the paper burn, suddenly the entire weight of what had happened hit him and his legs started to tremble.</p><p>He genuinely wished it hadn't come to this but.. he supposed it was time. His plan was fully finalised and he had even figured out what to do regarding Kiyah. He would have to talk to Olkin and Steen too. Dorian couldn't help but smile a little though. A week? That was a lot more then he had expected. He could enjoy at least a couple extra days of happiness before he plunged himself back into the darkness.</p><hr/><p>Six days later, close to midnight, as he watched Kiyah sleep on their (her) bed, Dorian just smiled sadly as he placed the letter he had written on the nightstand. "Goodbye Kiyah." he gently kissed her hair, "I love you. I shall always be yours, under the light of Lover's Pond."</p><p>He moved to the loft next, watching his sleeping daughter for a few moments, "Koko.. be kind and good, just like your mother." he reached out, brushing the hair out of her face and the girl's sleeping face tensed a little before relaxing once more. Dorian looked up at the new moon out of the little loft window. "That goes double for you Cottla." they had already decided even before that night that if they were to have a second child, she would be called Cottla (they hadn't even decided on a boy's name, that's how sure they were that they would have had a second daughter).</p><p>Pulling his backpack to him, he peered at the contents. It was exactly the same as when he had come here all those years ago: his storage talisman and his two weapons. He was incredibly grateful that the storage talisman couldn't be used by anyone then him. If it could, they would find more stuff in then when he left. Rupees, of course, as well as Kiyah's belt cloth.. but now it had two packets of seeds too, fortified pumpkin and swift carrot that he had bought from Olkin and Steen. Pulling the backpack onto his back, Dorian headed back down into the main area of the house before looking out at their (her) little home once more. So many memories of this place flitted through his mind all at once.</p><p>(<em>They're never going to forgive me for this.</em>)</p><p>But that was fine. He had already accepted it. His inner voice had completely broken down at this point. But that was fine too, he would push a new mantra into it soon enough.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Dorian concentrated his teleport talismans.. and teleported away from Kakariko Village.</p><hr/><p>The blademaster sighed as he sat down on the bridge by the deactivated Sheikah pedestal, dangling his legs over the bridge, his clothed feet tapping against the water. The monster in the vessel who was once named 'Lizz' looked at his own reflection in the water and at the starry sky behind his own form.</p><p>(<em>Too bad it's not a blood moon tonight.</em>) he briefly pondered to himself. (<em>Would have been perfect for the night he came back.</em>)</p><p>Not like the vessel ever expected the footsoldier to return in the first place. An almost seven year mission? He scoffed. This village had clearly made his old mentor weak. He still remembered when he had first found out about this mission the footsoldier had put on, not long after he gained the rank of blademaster. How stunned he had been, realising that's where he had been all this time.</p><p>Both himself and and that idiot partner had been frantic the first couple of years back in the hideout, Bant especially would constantly beg the blademasters constantly for any kind of news, but the only thing they had ever been told was that he was on an important mission for the Clan.</p><p>Still, the fact that the footsoldier didn't turn and run when he had the chance was a good sign. <em>Probably</em>. Even though he was a little late. But it was fine, they had hours until the sun rose. As long as the footsoldier came before that time limit, then he wouldn't be considered a traitor. To be honest, he kinda <em>wanted</em> it though. His fellow blademasters usually hated even talking about the reunifaction ceremony, but it made this vessel a little giddy thinking about it. They hadn't had a traitor yet in the entire time he had been a blademaster, and the idea of putting his once mentor through it.. it kind of excited him in a way he couldn't explain.</p><p>"Respected blademaster."</p><p>Lizz's pink eyes widened a little behind his mask and he quickly moved to stand, turning to see the footsoldier behind him on the bridge. Well, there goes that idea. Oh well, it was probably for the best. Still, he couldn't help but chuckle darkly, "I'm honestly surprised footsoldier. I didn't think you would show."</p><p>Dorian's head tilted at him a little, those grey eyes narrowing a bit, "I don't know why. You know what I'm like first hand blademaster. I've been waiting all this time for my official recall so I can finish my own blademaster training."</p><p>Lizz shrugged, "For almost seven years? I saw what you were like a week ago, you didn't even <em>recognise</em> there was a Yiga Clan member right in front of you."</p><p>"I haven't really had time to sharpen my skills here, in case you haven't realised. I am a <em>spy</em> after all."</p><p>Lizz let out a little 'tsk'. Dorian's tone was so biting and cold, he quickly reached out, grabbing Dorian's arm and pulling the footsoldier closer to him. The height difference between the two was staggering and Lizz reveled in being the one in power right now.</p><p>"What was it like, living here with our enemies for almost seven years?" Lizz crooned, reaching out and grabbing Dorian's chin, squeezing it and making the footsoldier wince a little, "Did you learn all their names? Did they learn <em>your</em> name? What did you even <em>do</em> here all this time?"</p><p>"I kept myself occupied." Dorian spat at him. "What's the matter blademaster? You sound almost <em>jealous</em>."</p><p>Lizz hissed angrily, shoving Dorian into a nearby tree and the footsoldier groaned out as he was slammed into it.</p><p>"Who are you?" Lizz spat.</p><p>Dorian frowned, "..Excuse me?"</p><p>Lizz let out a low cackle, "Oh, this is <em>rich</em>. Don't tell me after almost seven years, you've forgotten your mantra?"</p><p>His grey eyes widened a little, and then Dorian was looking away, seemingly ashamed, "..Of course not. It's just a been a while that's all."</p><p>Lizz tilted Dorian's head up even more, "Go on then. The <em>full</em> mantra, like we were taught as trainees, so I know you're genuine about this."</p><p>Dorian grumbled a little, "What, you want me to speak our ancient oath too?"</p><p>"Nah, just the mantra." Lizz was outright grinning behind his mask.</p><p>Dorian sighed heavily, and then began to speak quietly, "Quick thinking like a bokoblin, strong and bulky like a moblin, smart and agile like a lizalfos, ruthless like a lynel. This vessel is a monster like those before it, and with the malice running through their veins, shall serve the Great Calamity until the day they perish from this world." Lizz was breathing heavily at this point as Dorian continued. "This vessel has no name. And no identity outside the Yiga Clan. Serving the Great Calamity: This is what I was born to do." he was glaring at Lizz now, "Are you content with that blademaster? Can we go back to Karusa Valley now?"</p><p>Lizz released his grip on Dorian. Oh, that had felt <em>good</em>. It wasn't the same as the reunifaction ceremony, but it would do. "Yeah, after hearing all that I can tell you're still loyal." Oh, Lizz was absolutely going to jerk off to this memory on the next blood moon. "Come on then, let's go."</p><p>Dorian took one quick look back at Kakariko while Lizz was looking away, hearing the gentle sounds of windchimes and sunset fireflies in the distance.</p><p>'Please, I don't want to go back there.' his inner voice begged at him one final time. Speaking the full mantra had brought it back, just for a moment. Dorian appeared in his mindscape one final time, looking at his inner self. It was shifting now, between the six year old wearing his trainee uniform and the six year old wearing Sheikah clothing.</p><p>(<em>I'm sorry.</em>) Dorian told his younger self. (<em>But this is the only way to keep our family safe. You realise that, deep down don't you?</em>) 'Y-yes..' In the mindscape, Dorian reached down, hugging his six year old traumatized self. (<em>Thank you for everything, but it's time for you to go.</em>)</p><p>Instead, he created a new form for his mantra. A taller version of himself, blademaster height, but with a collar and a mask with three horns, all similar to Master Kohga's. This was going to him evantually: the future leader of the Yiga Clan. With this new mantra, he would become a blademaster, and then the leader of the Yiga Clan, no matter how much he destroyed his own body to do so, no matter how many bridges he burned along the way. He would destroy this miserable Clan and it's ten thousand year history, brick by brick, member by member until nothing remained of it.</p><p>Returning back to the real world, Dorian felt Lizz's hand on his shoulder and shivered a little. "I hope they let me sit in on your blademaster inauguration." he let out a cackle, "I want to see you take your first life."</p><p>Right.. that was something that was waiting for him too. (<em>No matter.</em>) He told himself firmly. (<em>I can kill one person if it means saving more.</em>) Without another look back to Kakariko, the blademaster and footsodlier teleported back to Karusa Valley.</p><hr/><p>In the morning, Kiyah held the crumpled up letter to her chest, just barely controling her sobs as her daughter seemingly slept upstairs. Although she had no idea that Koko was already awake, curled up in her bed and hearing her mother cry downstairs.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know I started this fic to put in all the things about Dorian's plotline in my AU that was too inappropiate for my main story but it feels like every chp I upload genuinely has me feeling like 'what the fuck am I actually doing'</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Day Zero (Minus Six Years)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this chapter is the entire reason why I ended up writing this fic as I realised after I finished the original story that I never explained how Dorian recieved the malice burn on his face, even though I already knew the backstory behind it. But I also knew that story wasn't appropiate for my main fic, and it also needed the full context of how my version of the Clan works, so instead of it just being it's own oneshot I ended up deciding to do a whole prequel story. [shrugs]</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Dorian walked through the the Yiga Clan hideout behind Lizz to the armoury room, every step was another realisation of what he had decided to do as he returned to the fog that had consumed him his entire life. He could feel the biting cold of the desert night through the rocky walls, penetrating his skin even through the Sheikah clothing (it would be better once he got back into his footsoldier uniform, which was better insulated for the cold nights) and the looks of the blademasters (who were the only ones in the halls tonight, probably so they wouldn't have to explain why one of their own was wearing Sheikah clothing to someone who wasn't in the know) weren't helping. Dorian was marching to his own doom and destruction, and he had gone <em>willingly</em>.</p><p>(<em>But it's not like I had much of a choice did I?</em>) he thought numbly to himself.</p><p>In the back of his mind, he had conjured up a fantasy where he got to stay in Kakariko. A world where the Hero had survived and he wouldn't have had to come up this plan at all. Where he had fought back, returned to his true home, stayed with Kiyah, became an official guard and watched his daughters grow up..</p><p>(<em>But even in such a world, they would have never let me live, would have they?</em>) He would have been an official traitor in such a world. They would have come after him. Killed him, or worse, killed his family. Dorian shook his head vigorously, shaking out the fantasy. (<em>No. It's better this way. Even if the village comes to despise me, as least they all will be safe now.</em>)</p><p>As they finally entered the armoury room at the end of the waterfall room, Lizz walked over to the footsoldier uniforms, looking through them for the right size while Dorian watched numbly. He finally found the right size, picking it out and then went to the nearby chest, pulling out a few vials of black hair dye and then.. Dorian swallowed nervously when he saw the mask being pulled out.</p><p>Lizz let out a light cackle, "You have no idea how hard it was to get this back from your partner. The idiot was <em>sleeping</em> with it."</p><p>Dorian felt like he was dropped into a barrel of freezing water. "..That's my original footsoldier mask?"</p><p>"It sure is." Lizz returned with the items, dropping them into Dorian's arms. "I'll let you get changed, then you can return to the footsoldier barracks by yourself, I trust you remember where they are." the blademaster was turning to leave the armour room.</p><p>Dorian looked at the items in his arms and suddenly broke into desperate shivers. This felt.. <em>wrong</em>.</p><p>"Wait." Dorian turned to him, and Lizz stopped, turning to face him, "What, do you need help or something footsoldier? You're no trainee, you can get changed by yourself."</p><p>"But.. I.." Dorian's hands trembled around the uniform, mask and vials of hair dye, "this is wrong.. I should.."</p><p>(<em>Reunifcation ceremony.</em>)</p><p>Lizz was staring at him, and Dorian realised all too suddenly that he had actually said the words instead of thinking it.</p><p>"No." Lizz was speaking quietly, but Dorian couldn't help but notice the blademaster's heavy breathing, "<em>No</em>. That's not how that works. You're no traitor footsoldier, you were a spy. If anyone found out--"</p><p>"Nobody needs to know except us." Dorian suddenly rushed forwards, grabbing Lizz's arm, and.. oh, was Lizz actually backing away from him? "P-please respected blademaster, you were right all along. That village, i-it made me <em>weak</em>." there was a desperate look in Dorian's grey eyes as his fingers tightened in Lizz's blademaster uniform, "Please. I.. I need to be repurified."</p><p>Lizz was outright <em>panting</em> by now.</p><p>Dorian really had no idea for how this one request would alter Lizz's mental state for the rest of the blademaster's life.</p>
<hr/><p>About twenty minutes later, after the two made sure the coast was clear, they found themselves in the purification chamber with all the necessary items. Flint, wood, a Yiga club, the inverted eye mould (and a small cup to drip the malice into it) as well as Dorian's uniform, hair dye and mask from the armoury.</p><p>"I can't believe you want me to do this. You must be <em>insane</em> footsoldier." Lizz was muttering as he used Dorian's eightfold blade to light the fire, while Dorian made sure the door was locked and shuttered tightly. "I've never heard of someone willingly wanting to go through the reunification ceremony." he finally managed to still his shaking hands in order to light the fire, and the flames lit up the dark room, "How did you even hear about this anyway? It's a tightly kept blademaster secret, I only found about it when I became a blademaster myself."</p><p>"Oh, you know what I'm like." Dorian muttered quietly, "I heard one of those ceremonies going on when I was a young footsoldier and was curious enough to ask one of my blademaster teachers about it."</p><p>"And they actually <em>told</em> you?!" Lizz really had forgotten just how impressive of a footsoldier Dorian actually was. Somehow he wasn't surprised that he had managed to get a blademaster to tell him about such a secret.</p><p>The two sat by the fire for a while, steeling their nerves, until Dorian started to remove his Sheikah clothing, first the hat, dropping it into the fire, and then removing his belt.</p><p>"You're not supposed to be complicit in your own ceremony you know." Lizz was whispering as he watched him, "I'm supposed to be stripping <em>you</em>."</p><p>"Yes, well, this isn't any normal ceremony is it." Dorian spoke quietly as he continued to strip. "I need to do this myself blademaster."</p><p>He heard as Lizz's breath caught in his chest but gave it no real thought as he continued to strip. Dorian was lost in his own memories, remembering when it was Kiyah who was removing his clothing instead. He wasn't sure he could handle allowing Lizz to strip him forcefully, it was easier to do it himself. (<em>That's right.</em>) Dorian reaffirmed to himself. (<em>This was my choice after all.</em>) Burning the clothes actually helped his turmoiled mind as he threw the jacket into the fire, before removing the the hand guards.. the blue undershirt.. the trousers and finally the boots into the fire, until he was left in nothing but his boxers.</p><p>Now that he was practically naked, the cold of the hideout at night was really biting and Dorian couldn't help but shiver terribly, his teeth chattering and the next thing he knew Lizz was throwing a blanket over him.</p><p>"W-what..?" his teeth chattered against the cold.</p><p>"Shut up footsoldier, I'm not going to let you freeze. We never do the ceremony at night for this exact reason after all." Lizz let out a huff, "You said it yourself, this is no normal ceremony after all."</p><p>..Huh.</p><p>"Th-thank you respected blademaster." he curled up into the blanket, despite himself. It was a very thick blanket and it actually helped, he was getting warmer by the moment.</p><p>He heard Lizz's breath catch in his throat again, "D-don't mention it, <em>idiot</em>."</p><p>The two just sat there by the fire, watching until the final embers of Dorian's Sheikah clothing burned away and then.. it was time for the next part.</p><p>With the blanket wrapped around him (except for a little free patch at his left hip), Dorian lay down on the ground and placed his head back into Lizz's lap. </p><p>"Are you <em>sure</em> about this?" Lizz's hands were trembling as he held the small Yiga club, "We can skip this part you know. I already heard you repeat the mantra back at Kakariko, I <em>know</em> you know it."</p><p>"We're not skipping even a single part." Dorian reached out, wrapping his hand around Lizz's (oh Calamity, he was tensing up even <em>more</em> at the touch) and helping him guide the club down to his own hip.</p><p>"D-Dorian.." (the footsoldier actually shivered a little, hearing his name being spoken from Lizz's mouth for the first time since Lizz was a trainee) He felt Lizz's free arm wrapping around his neck, holding him in place. Well, if they were dropping the formalities, then.. "I trust you Lizz."</p><p>The blademaster shuddered and then activated the club, right into his hip and Dorian grit his teeth, arching his back involuntarily as the light electric shock wracked through his entire body. And it was painful, sure, but not as painful as the next part was going to be. (<em>Don't scream, not even through the repurification.</em>) he told himself fiercely. (<em>If anyone finds out about this we'll both be in trouble.</em>)</p><p>"Your mantra, Dorian."</p><p>"Q-quick thinking like a boboblin--"</p><p>BZZT. (He was thrashing in Lizz's arms.)</p><p>"S-st-strong and b-bulky like a moblin--"</p><p>BZZT. (Dorian winced his eyes shut, tears filling his eyes.)</p><p>"Smmuu--smart and.. agile l-like.. a l-lizalfos--"</p><p>BZZT. (He started retching.)</p><p>"<em>Dorian</em>!" He could hear the panic in Lizz's voice and then he was pulling the club away, but hazily he somehow managed to reach out, grabbing Lizz's arm, pulling him back.</p><p>"Ruuu--ruth--less.." Dorian was croaking heavily, spittle escaping his mouth, "like.. like a ly-lynel.."</p><p>When Dorian had said he actually wanted the reunifaction ceremony, Lizz had meant what he had said, but also a deep part of him had been <em>ecstatic</em>. As time was passing in the Clan, they were getting less and less traitors and he was starting to think he would <em>never</em> get to do one of these, but Dorian had basically handed this to him for free! But now.. as he watched Dorian thrash from the electric shocks, he was starting to understand why his fellow blademasters treated this ceremony the way they did. And.. there was such a desperate despaired look in Dorian's grey eyes as he basically tortured himself that it was <em>killing</em> Lizz internally.</p><p>And yet with every little touch of Dorian and himself, Lizz felt like his brain was turning to <em>mush</em>. He had no idea what he was feeling anymore as he continued to shock Dorian and the footsoldier continued to thrash and speak out his mantra in Lizz's arms. All too quickly, the mantra part was over, and Dorian was now vomiting on the floor with the blanket wrapped around him and Lizz..</p><p>Lizz suddenly realised he was <em>hard</em>. His usually focused mind couldn't comprehend what was happening to him as he pulled away from Dorian, staggering backwards.</p><p>(<em>It's not even a blood moon.</em>) Lizz thought numbly to himself. (<em>Why am I..?</em>)</p><p>"<em>Lizz</em>." he heard Dorian croak out, and even the mention of his name was going right through him, making him throb in his own uniform. "The repurification next."</p><p>Lizz was supposed to be the one in control here, and yet.. somehow.. it was <em>Dorian</em> in control instead and the realisation of that was just making him even <em>harder</em>. He hadn't felt so out of control of his own body like this since he was a dumb footsoldier. What in the hell was even happening to him?!</p><p>"Lizz." he heard Dorian call for him again, and then Dorian was turning around to face him and..</p><p>(<em>NO! I can't let him see me like this!</em>)</p><p>Lizz quickly rushed back to Dorian's side on the floor, his face flushing behind his mask as he reached for the inverted eye mould and the cup of bubbling malice, taken from the barrel. Dorian was shifting the blanket and with shaking hands, Lizz was moving the inverted eye mould to his chest, but then Dorian reached out again, placing his bare hand onto Lizz's clothed one (Calamity, Lizz was breaking out into goosebumps with every single touch) and started lifting his hand (and the mould) higher.. and higher still until..</p><p>"<em>NO</em>." Lizz heard himself hiss out, a desperate panicked sound escaping him, "No, Dorian, I am not going to put the malice on your face. That's too much, even for you, you won't survive."</p><p>Dorian had finally stopped his hand, with the mould covering on the left side of his face.</p><p>(<em>What even happened to him in that village that made him like this?!</em>)</p><p>"I'll be fine. I know you've heard the rumours about my purifcation ritual, since my trainee class never once shut up about it."</p><p>"That different and you know it. Your hands, even both, are firmer, your face is weaker, that's why we wear masks after all to protect our most vulnerable places."</p><p>Dorian was chuckling weakly, "Actually it's to mask our identities and become part of a collective. Protecting our actual face was more of an afterthought."</p><p>"..Why?" Lizz finally heard himself croak out, and it was such a desperate request that Dorian's grey eyes finally reopened, looking out at Lizz through the mould. "Why are you doing this to yourself Dorian? I-I'm.." his voice stuck in his throat. Yiga Clan members didn't just say 'sorry' to each other after all. "Look, I didn't mean what I said back in Kakariko alright? You're not weak Dorian, <em>Calamity</em>, you're not weak at all. You must have been so strong, being stuck in our enemies den for so long.. i-if you're doing this just to prove myself to me.."</p><p>Dorian laughed softly (way too softly, the sound felt like it was <em>vibrating</em> through Lizz's entire body) as he reshut his eyes, "I'm not Lizz. This isn't for you, this is for <em>me</em>."</p><p>(Kiyah's hand on the left side of his face.. when he was delirious.. when his mind wasn't his own.. when they were making love..)</p><p>"It's okay Lizz. I won't die, I promise you that. I'm stronger then that." His hand was on Lizz's again, and.. Dorian's thumb was rubbing against his own wrist. (Lizz was pretty sure he was about to come in his blademaster uniform and he was completely wrecked by his own responses. He was about to come and he hadn't even <em>touched</em> himself.)</p><p>Lizz lifted the cup of malice (and Dorian placed part of the blanket into his own mouth, biting down to stop himself from crying out just in case) and then.. he started to pour it into the mould.</p>
<hr/><p>Lizz had removed his mask at this point, letting it fall weakly to the ground as he slammed his forehead repeatedly into the rocky wall of the purifcation chamber. He could hear Dorian's ragged breathing behind him (how did he survive that?) and Lizz just felt <em>broken</em> at this point. Thankfully he had lost his erection at this point, but his entire body still felt like it was on fire.</p><p>The blademaster somehow managed to stop slamming his head into the wall, shakily managing to turn around, and looking at Dorian out of the corner of his eye. His mentor was lying on the floor and had a damp soaked cloth pressed to the left side of his face now, but even through it Lizz could see the pulsing purple mark. Lizz's guts were <em>twisting</em> at the sight of it.</p><p>He felt himself slump down the wall to the ground, his hands twitching uselessly at his sides. Somewhere in the deepest parts of Lizz's mind he had realised this whole thing was genuinely messed up, but he didn't have the context (nor a single healthy relationship outside the stifling overwhelming presence that the Clan had on his mind) that Dorian had developed over the past seven years, so the blademaster was left reeling with his own tumultuous thoughts.</p><p>"Lizz." Dorian was sitting up, removing the cloth from his face to dunk it into the bucket of water, reapplying it quickly to his face, "We need to wrap up. The hair dye next."</p><p>The blademaster swallowed heavily, forcing himself to move back to Dorian's side as he reached for the vials of black hair dye, pulling the stopper and dropping the black goo into Dorian's white hair. He removed his arm gauntlets, peeling away the skin tight gloves of his body suit underneath them and then started to rub the hair dye into Dorian's scalp. Lizz shivered heavily. The sensation of his bare skin on Dorian's as well as the body heat radiating through him..</p><p>Dorian let out a ragged pained breath. His face throbbed with agony, but he was proud of himself. That was <em>twice</em> he had been purified and he hadn't screamed either time.</p><p>"You don't need to force me into my footsoldier uniform, I can put that on myself."</p><p>"R-right.." Dorian blinked a little as he heard Lizz stammer. The blademaster's reactions had been odd throughout this entire thing. The two were silent as Lizz continued to rub the dye into him and before long, his hair, beard and sideburns were all black again. Dorian looked at his reflection in the nearby bucket of water and the numb feelings when he had entered the hideout had mostly left him at this point.</p><p>(<em>This is how it was always supposed to be, wasn't it?</em>)</p><p>Dorian let the cloth drop into the bucket of water and pulled himself free of the blanket as he reached for his uniform, first the skintight bodysuit, pulling it onto himself with one swoop. He reached for his hair next, grabbing the band to tie it up, then lifted the hood onto his head, pushing the top knot through the iron ring in the top, then he reached for the other bits, the belt, tying it around his waist, and then the arm and shin gauntlets, snapping them into place. He felt a snap onto the side of face and realised Lizz had placed the earrings back onto him. Dorian felt a lot warmer now with the footsoldier uniform on him and he moved to stand, reaching for his mask.</p><p>Looking at it in his hands again made Dorian pause for a moment. According to Lizz, this had been his original mask. Bant had been.. sleeping with it? Even after things ended so horribly between them last time? (<em>No, I can't show pity to Bant.</em>) he scolded himself, (<em>I'll figure out a way to get him to leave, it should be easy, he already hates the Clan after all.</em>)</p><p>He moved to place the mask onto his face, and looked over at Lizz before he did so, suddenly freezing in place. (<em>When did Lizz take off his own mask? I didn't even realise.</em>) He looked at Lizz's face, temporarily stunned. The blademaster's pink eyes were glazed over and his cheeks were flushed. Dorian's eyes flickered down and..</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Oh <em>no</em>.</p><p>Hurriedly, with shaking hands, Dorian managed to lock the the mask back onto his face.</p><p>"I'll.. I'll head back to the footsoldier barracks now blademaster."</p><p>"Yes, you do that footsoldier."</p><p>Dorian fled from the purifaction chamber, his mind reeling. No no, this was fine, everything was going to be <em>fine</em>. He would start his blademaster training soon and Lizz would go back to his usual missions and they could just completely forget that this had ever happened.</p><p>But Lizz never would.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Two Months</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Dorian woke up in his (uncomfortable) bed in the footsoldier barracks and found Bant overlooking him, Bant's unmasked face and his own masked one just inches apart. He was back in his old mentality and Dorian pushed his hand out immediately, shoving Bant away from him.</p><p>"Get away from me, <em>idiot</em>." Dorian grumbled as he moved to sit up, pulling the duvet from his body.</p><p>"Where have you <em>been</em>?!" Bant was hissing at him quietly.</p><p>"That's none of your damn business. Maybe if you had actually become a blademaster, you would already know." Dorian placed his armoured feet down onto the floor as he moved to stand, but then suddenly Bant's arms were wrapping around his back and he felt himself freeze.</p><p>"Some of the other footsoldiers.. they were saying you had <em>betrayed</em> us." Bant was croaking lightly, his face pressed into Dorian's shoulder, "But I.. I <em>never</em> believed it, even for a moment."</p><p>"Let go of me <em>Bant</em>." Dorian said icily, but instead Bant's arms were wrapping around him <em>tighter</em>. Some part of Dorian deep down wanted to lean into the hug.. to tell Bant he was <em>sorry</em> for treating him so poorly over the years..</p><p>"I missed you so much."</p><p>Dorian turned around and <em>punched</em> him, squarely in the face.</p><hr/><p>Two months later, Lizz had a splitting headache as he woke up in his personal blademaster chamber. His mouth tasted awful and his blademaster uniform was around his ankles, his bed soaked with his release from last night's session.</p><p>"Damnit not again."</p><p>What was wrong with him? He had never masturbated like this before in his entire life, always managing to control himself for the blood moon, but ever since.. that event.. he was losing control of himself more and more. Even when he wasn't jerking himself in his chambers, when he was supposed to be on missions, the only thing that ever seemed to be on Lizz's mind was.. <em>him</em>. (Lizz shivered as he felt his length stir again between his legs.)</p><p>No, no, he was going to control himself better. He was <em>better</em> then this. Lizz had a solo misson later this week, he would head out in disguise and see if the Hyruleans had any tips on how to control their own bodies urges. Surely they would know something.</p><p>Lizz looked over at his messy table as he cleaned his bed, spotting the empty alcohol bottle on it. Right, that had been from that ambush a few months ago with his fellow blademasters. That stuff was <em>insane</em>. Way stronger then the stuff they had here in the hideout. Last night's session had probably been the most intense yet. Lizz could still remember his own desperate drunken moans as he cried Dorian's name.. (Lizz slapped his face to stop himself from thinking about the fantasy he had been caught up in).</p><p>Thank the Calamity that their blademaster chambers had thick walls so others couldn't hear them through it (they would needed the privacy for when they needed to produce trainees after all, although Lizz was thankfully still years away from needing to do that).</p><p>As his head pounded, Lizz tried to think about what his schedule was for today. He knew he didn't have a mission.. trainee lessons maybe?</p><p>After finishing cleaning up the mess from last night and getting back into his blademaster uniform, snapping the mask back onto his face, Lizz headed out of his chambers, locking and shuttering them up before heading out. As he wandered through the hideout though it seemed.. odd. Not many blademasters around. Not many footsoldiers either. </p><p>He realised with a start what today was.</p><p><em>Dorian</em>.</p><p>Lizz immediately rushed for the training rooms. That's right, it was his final windcleaver test today wasn't it? After this he would move onto the second half of blademaster training, specialised rune magic.. although he really didn't need it at this point.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I need you to teach me the earth manipulation rune. I think it's the least you could do after I helped you so many times when you were a trainee."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Lizz shivered at that memory in particular. Dorian had taken to the earth manipulation magic so easily it was staggering. As he approached the inside circular room with the mini pit in it (not bottomless like the outdoor area), he could see Dorian now. He was a little taller then before, being on his pure banana diet in order to build up bulk, but he was still months away from reaching his full height and weight. Still, he was taller then the other footsoldiers, so it was easy to pick him out.</p><p>"Blademaster." the overseeing blademaster spoke to him as he approached the entrance to the training room and Lizz nodded to him, "Calamity, what's with all the members who want to see this one potential blademasters final windcleaver test? I just had to kick out a low level footsoldier who wasn't permitted here too." the overseeing blademaster tilted his head to the overseeing deck, and Lizz nodded again. So Bant had tried to sneak in to watch the test. Lizz rolled his eyes beneath his mask, as he headed up the stairs to the deck above.</p><p>The idea of the test was simple, one potential blademaster with a training windcleaver against 50 of the best footsoldiers the Clan had. Each footsoldier had a target attached to their chest and tapping either side of the training windcleaver to the button would signify defeat. The potential blademaster had to take out as many footsoldiers as quickly as possible, but the footsoldiers only had to throw the potential blademaster into the pit to win on their side, and Lizz noticed how they already had the net set up in the little pit. (He looked at Dorian who was throwing his training windcleaver up into the air and catching it, and repeating the motion as he waited for the test to begin.)</p><p>Lizz still remembered when it was Bant's test all those years ago and grinned a little behind his mask. Of course, Lizz had been one of the top 50 then, and it had been so pathetic it was <em>hilarious</em>. Lizz had managed around 35 to 40 footsoldiers before he was thrown in, Bant hadn't even gotten <em>one</em>.</p><p>As he finally entered the deck he looked around. There was a good few blademasters here, even a few of the top footsoldiers, probably from Dorian's trainee class who had never managed blademaster, but were still high ranked enough to be here and.. Lizz balked when he saw the chubby elderly master. Master Kohga?! Why was <em>he</em> here? He sometimes came out of his naps for a blademaster's final test, but never here on the first one!</p><p>Calamity, Kohga even had his mask slightly raised as he chewed at a mighty banana and Lizz could see the scars under it. He swallowed a little nervously as he moved to the barrier overlooking the training room and one of the other blademasters nodded at him, "You must be excited for today. You and that footsoldier were quite close before weren't you?"</p><p>(<em>Excited was one way to put it, yes.</em>) Lizz thought as he violently forced his arousal down.</p><p>"How many do you think he's gonna get before they knock him in?" another blademaster muttered, his arms crossed he stood by the wall. The bare minimum was 25. If you couldn't manage half then you failed the test and therefore would stop blademaster training and remain as a footsoldier, but that didn't really mean anything, as there were always chances to retake the test in a few years once you did more missions as a footsoldier.</p><p>"All fifty." Lizz heard himself speak before he could stop himself. (Next to him, he heard Kohga choke on his banana and the other blademasters were staring at him).</p><p>"Hah! No way! No-one's ever managed all fifty, not since the old days." the blademaster hummed a little, "I think the last one who got all fifty was.." he looked over at Master Kohga who was wheezing now, "..wasn't it your departed partner Master Kohga?"</p><p>"That's right." Kohga muttered quietly. "Her vessel's name was 'Eldah'."</p><p>The first blademaster came up to him and Lizz could feel him grinning under his mask, "You wanna make a bet on that?"</p><p>"Sure." Lizz spoke cooly, "What do you wanna bet?"</p><p>"I've got a mission scheduled for the next blood moon." he was speaking quietly to make sure Kohga wouldn't hear, "I would really prefer to remain here in the hideout you know."</p><p>(<em>Of course you would you stupid horny bastard.</em>)</p><p>"What do I get if I win?" Lizz muttered quietly and the other blademaster let out a hum.</p><p>"I'll give you that bottle I still have from the ambush we did a while back."</p><p>..Oh. Lizz couldn't help but shiver. That had been insanely good alcohol (way better then the diluted stuff they had here, Lizz was pretty sure that Kohga's stuff was going to do absolutely nothing for him at the next party).</p><p>"Deal."</p><p>(<em>What the hell am I doing? Wasn't I supposed to to try and stop these urges?</em>)</p><p>"Oh.. you're so going to regret this."</p><p>(<em>Doubtful.</em>)</p><p>Lizz turned attention back to the training room, his fingers tightening around the barrier. It was about to start.</p><hr/><p>The overseeing blademaster entered the room, locking both gates and Dorian stopped throwing the training windcleaver, looking up to the overseeing deck. There were a lot more overseers then he expected. He spotted Lizz of course, and then..</p><p>(His heart leapt in his chest.)</p><p>Master Kohga. Just like his purification ritual. He had been hoping for this, but now that it was here..</p><p>"You all know the rules." the blademaster was speaking out, "Knock out your opponent, or be knocked out yourself. Once your target goes from red to blue, you must retreat." he was starting to raise his hand, but Dorian called out,</p><p>"Respected blademaster, if you could wait a second." he was stepping towards the overseeing deck, bowing to the occupants, "Master Kohga, it is an <em>honour</em> that you would watch a simple footsoldiers first test like this. I am grateful to both yours and our Great Calamity's guidance." Kohga waved at him almost dismissevely but Dorian was continuing to speak, "And.. perhaps it is unwise of a lowly footsoldier like me to speak in this way, but I have a request for my test, and I was wondering if you could indulge it?"</p><p>"Footsoldier!" the overseeing blademaster was rushing to him, "This is out of line!"</p><p>But then Kohga was raising his hand. The elderly Master scratched under his chin, "Depends on the request footsoldier. What is it that you want?"</p><p>Dorian reached up, touching his mask, "You see, I'm afraid I have a bit of an advantage here and I was hoping to level the playing field a bit."</p><p>"..Advantage?" the footsoldiers were looking at each other now, confused, "What kind of advantage?"</p><p>Dorian took in a deep breath. This was such a bad idea, he could get punished for this but.. "I wish to remove my mask for the test."</p><p>He heard the gasps of shock and disgust around him. In the overseeing deck, Lizz's stomach was twisting and turning (<em>Dorian you idiot what are you even doing?</em>) he thought to himself panicked (<em>They're going to see your purifcation mark!</em>) there wasn't enough time for it to have healed.</p><p>"Insolent--!" the blademaster was heading for him again, but Dorian wouldn't take his eyes from Kohga.</p><p>"..I'll allow it." Kohga called out and Dorian smirked under his mask.</p><p>The blademasters in the deck were staring at each other, but the overseeing blademaster immediately backed away at Kohga's words.</p><p>"Very well. If our Master approves, I will allow this--" (blatant ignorant.. <em>insolent</em>) "--change to the test." the blademaster was glaring at him before speaking quietly so only Dorian could hear, "I don't understand what kind of advantage you're talking about <em>footsoldier</em>, but it better be worth it, because if not you're going to make a lot of enemies today."</p><p>Dorian removed his mask and couldn't help but hear the low gasp released from the overseeing blademaster as he saw the slowly healing malice burn (which was no longer pulsing purple but was now just a light purplish blue) shaped in the inverted eye on his left side of his face.</p><p>"You'll see respected blademaster."</p><hr/><p>Lizz's legs were trembling fiercely as Dorian removed his mask and while no blademaster here overtly reacted to it (not with Master Kohga here, since the elderly Master had no idea what the reunifcation ceremony was and absolutely would not approve of it had he known) he could feel the shock radiating from each and every one of them.</p><p>The footsoldiers however.. "..Why does he have a purifcation mark on his face?"</p><p>Kohga had his head tilted and was looking outwards, a heavy sense of confusion from the elderly Master. (Kohga had apparantly never made blademaster rank in the day, and therefore had no idea about this certain ceremony which had been started in his father's day).</p><p>"Oi." he felt the blademaster he had made the deal with pull him back to to the very corner of the deck, speaking as quietly as possible. Lizz felt a little vindicated by the slight panic in the other blademaster's voice, although he himself was still <em>terrified</em>. "That's your mentor out there isn't it? Why does he have a.. you know what?"</p><p>"How should I know?" Lizz spat quietly. "You think I know what my old mentor does in his own time?"</p><p>"Don't play dumb with me <em>Lizz</em>." he shivered at the other blademaster speaking his name.</p><p>"Careful." Lizz said softly, "You let the Master hear you say my unpure name and you <em>know</em> what will happen."</p><p>The other blademaster growled, releasing him, "Whatever, I'm still going to win our little bet. You can explain later."</p><p>Lizz pulled away, returning to the barrier as he looked down.</p><p>(<em>Dorian, I hope you know what you're doing..</em>)</p><hr/><p>Dorian grabbed one of the other training windcleavers in the room, moving to the wall under the observing deck as the other footsoldiers watched him, he then tied the straps of his mask to the top of the training windcleaver, making sure it was secure before leaning it against the wall. Then he returned to the center of the room, gave a thumbs up and a grin to the observers, raised his own training windcleaver into the attack position.. and shut his eyes.</p><p>He felt ripples of shock throughout the entirety of <em>both</em> the room and the deck.</p><p>"He cannot be serious."</p><p>"He is <em>not</em> going to do the test with his eyes shut."</p><p>Dorian felt out with his senses, confirming the locations of all fifty footsoldiers, before calling out to the overseeing blademaster, "I am ready now, respected blademaster."</p><p>(Lizz pressed his legs together. He wasn't sure if he was going to win the bet, but right now he didn't care. He had won something even better.)</p><p>"And begin!"</p><p>Dorian sensed 25 of the footsoldiers rushing for him (the ones with vicious sickles) while the other 25 (with duplex bows) remained in the back, raising their bows. He stepped back, teleporting just in time before the first two reached him and teleported above them, his talismans surrounding him, spinning his training windcleaver, using the light wind from the technique to get rid of the arrows that were being sent his way, before teleporting back down and..</p><p>"One."</p><p>"Two."</p><p>He had slammed both sides of the windcleaver simultaneously into each target. But he didn't stop there. He slammed his windcleaver down into the ground, kicking his legs out, before moving his entire body on the windcleaver itself, catching both footsoldiers with his legs and kicking them into the pit instead.</p><p>"What the hell is he doing?" one of the blademasters in the observing deck muttered, "He's just supposed to hit the target, not kick them into the pit himself."</p><p>(<em>Calamity, Dorian you're amazing.</em>) Lizz thought to himself as he shivered.</p><p>And so it continued, Dorian using only his Yiga senses and the training windcleaver to knock as many footsoldiers down as he could. He had trained constantly for this in the last two months, not just for the actual lessons, but getting his senses up to peak maximum (even though he had ended up in the infirmary more times then he could count).</p><p>He had made sure to rest this past day though, only eating meditating and sleeping for the entire time, using his magic and his senses while he was meditating. He was pretty sure at this point he could sense every single member in the entire hideout and exactly where they all were.</p><p>In about eight minutes Dorian had already passed the 25 member requirement.</p><p>In the observatory deck the mood had shifted from disgusted and angry to <em>ecstatic</em>. The usually calm and hardened blademasters were cheering for their future blademaster. Well, all except for one who was <em>fuming</em>.</p><p>Lizz felt light headed as he watched one of the footsoldiers managed to tumble out of the net, their mask falling off as they vomited, collapsing onto the floor. He knew Dorian was good but.. this was <em>insane</em>. And he was doing it with his eyes closed!</p><p>When Dorian hit the ten minute mark he had taken out another 10, bringing his total count to 35. Even the overseeing blademaster had stopped taking the count at this point, just in absolute shock.</p><p>"I think he's actually going to do it." one of the blademasters mumbled in shock as they continued to watch. Dorian was currently fighting three sickle footsoldiers at once, using the entirety of the training blade and spinning it, pulling one footsoldier's sickle clean from his hand, while teleporting and dodging two bow footsoldiers who were trying to hit him from above.</p><p>Lizz was suddenly pulled out of his own arousal by the sound of a thud near him, turning and noticing Master Kohga, who had collapsed to his knees, holding onto the barrier as if for dear life. His mask was pulled up slightly and.. Lizz jolted, (<em>Is he crying?!</em>)</p><p>Five more minutes passed and Dorian had hit 45. Only five more to go.</p><p>"Oh, I've had enough of this!"</p><p>With his eyes still shut, Dorian suddenly sensed a new presence enter the fray. Larger then the footsoldiers and.. he heard the sound of the proper windcleaver as it was being pulled from the scabbard.</p><p>"What are you doing blademaster are you <em>mad</em>?!" that was the overseeing blademaster, but Dorian moved quickly, teleporting just in time before the windcleaver sliced through his body.</p><p>He attached his feet to the ceiling with his magic and he could hear yelling and screaming all around him, but Dorian didn't care. He jumped from the ceiling, punching down into the ground, sending out the earth manipulation magic that Lizz had taught him.</p><p>The blademaster didn't see it coming (well, who <em>would</em> expect the earth manipulation rune from a simple footsoldier after all?) and he screamed as the earth pillar hit him, sending the blademaster right into the pit on top of the other footsoldiers and Dorian couldn't help but grin as he heard the footsoldiers groan out when the blademaster slammed onto their own smaller bodies.</p><p>Dorian discarded the training windcleaver, picking up the blademaster's dropped one instead. "I hope you don't mind if I borrow this for a moment, 'respected blademaster'." he heard the man vomit into his mask and chuckled darkly, before turning to face the last five remaining footsoldier.</p><p>"This is <em>nuts</em>." he heard one of the footsoldiers speak out, "No-one told us that this one already knew the earth manipulation rune."</p><p>"Oi!" another footsoldier called out to him, "If you knew that from the start, why didn't you use it against us?"</p><p>Dorian scoffed as he stepped around, his eyes still shut, "Now now, that wouldn't be <em>fair</em> would it? At least, not against other footsoldiers. Now, come on, let's finish this, shall we?"</p><p>He could sense the footsoldiers looking at each other desperately for a few moments, before they leapt for him and Dorian grinned.</p><hr/><p>"Time and official count?" Master Kohga called.</p><p>The overseeing blademaster looked at the rune powered stopwatch.</p><p>"Seventeen minutes and thirty three seconds. Fifty footsoldiers. And one blademaster."</p><p>Dorian stepped back, his eyes still shut, spinning the entire windcleaver blade in his hand for a moment, before firing a proper blade of air right below the observatory deck, breaking the training windcleaver in two and sending his mask flying up. He then teleported right below where it would land, letting the mask fall onto his face, before bowing to the observatory deck.</p><p>"Well?" Dorian called out to the observers, "Have I proven myself as a blademaster yet?"</p><p>Lizz fled from the observatory deck, ecstatic and hornier then he had ever been in his entire damn life.</p><hr/><p>That night, Dorian found himself in the personal chambers of the blademaster who had tried to kill him (it wasn't like he would need it anymore, after all).</p><p>Thankfully, they hadn't given him the blademaster's windcleaver as well, and Dorian looked at his brand new windcleaver on the table as he moved to sit beside the table, pulling out his storage talisman and tapping on it to remove the contents. He put aside the two packets of seeds for now, taking the Sheikah belt cloth and smiling at it sadly.</p><p>(<em>Kiyah..</em>)</p><p>For a moment he actually allowed himself to wander into his own memories, bringing the cloth to his mouth and gently kissing it. He tried not to think about how miserable Kiyah would be right now (she would be showing right now after all) and he reopened his eyes, moving to tie the blue cloth around the hilt of his weapon.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I.. can't believe you kept this belt." </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"I've been meaning to ask.. did you keep the other part?"</em>
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  <p>
    <em>"Yes. I.. have it in my house right now actually."</em>
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</blockquote><p>Dorian wondered if she had thrown away the belt now. He wouldn't blame Kiyah if she had, he totally deserved it and yet.. as he remembered the memories from that night, he could feel himself growing hard in his footsoldier uniform. (<em>Calamity do I have no shame?</em>)</p><p>But for once, Dorian decided to indulge himself. He was in his own private room, the door was locked and there was no blood moon tonight. He spread his legs, and with one hand stroking against Kiyah's cloth (making sure not to touch the windcleaver's hilt itself) he pushed his other hand into his uniform.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Repression isn't good for you." Kiyah's memory whispered to him.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>"I remember dear.." he whispered softly to himself, wrapping his hand around himself as he began to lazily stroke his swelling length. Dorian actually took his time with it, gently allowing the pleasure to build within him. Even though he was by himself it felt.. good. Better then when he had rutted himself off in caves as a young footsoldier. Before Dorian knew what he was doing, he was mimicking Kiyah's touch, lifting his free hand to his left side of his face.</p><p>The stinging sensation as he touched his malice burn pulled him out of the memories immediately and he let out a hiss of pain, wincing his left eye shut as tears slid from his right eye (his left eye was too injured at the moment to cry after all). Dorian's hand stilled on himself as he looked up to the dim lanterns on his chamber's ceiling, shivering a little.</p><p>'What are you doing?' his mantra spoke to him harshly in that deep voice that would evantually be his own, 'You don't deserve to remember. You left <em>willingly</em>, remember?'</p><p>..Right. Dorian quickly got himself off, spilling into his hand, and then cleaned up, changed into his nightwear and climbed into the bed, which was way too big for him at the moment, but no matter, he would grow into it given more time.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. One Year (Minus Five Years)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next couple of months were the worst. Dorian had completed his blademaster training in record time, and yet he was stuck in limbo between footsoldier and blademaster, unable to be either. He kept himself busy by training by himself as he waited for his mighty banana diet to fully kick in.. however, the vegetables he was growing secretly in his room didn't help. He was eating so many bananas at this point that the taste had lost all meaning, and he would find himself sneaking vegetables into his diet every now and then. And they were affecting his height. He wasn't growing as much as his bretheren were and he was pretty sure they were starting to notice.</p><p>The other blademasters forced him into his surprise inauguration only one week after what had essentially become his final test, even though it had only supposed to be his first. He was still footsoldier height (maybe a little taller, but no more bulkier) and as he saw the terrified Hyrulean in front of him, their face and head completely covered, his windcleaver trembled in his hands.</p><p>He had remembered looking around the room, but it was only his fellow blademasters here today, Kohga was nowhere to be found. Dorian didn't even know what race they were, as he pierced his windcleaver through the Hyrulean's chest and the blood dripped down his blade, over the hilt (and Kiyah's cloth which he ended up desperately washing later on when he was back in his chamber to get the blood out) and his own clothed hands. He desperately hoped they hadn't been Sheikah.</p><p>The nightmares after he had taken his first life were some of the worst he had ever experienced in his life. If he had only stayed in Kakariko.. that person would still be <em>alive</em>. He dreamt about Kiyah.. about his girls.. about the village.. Elder Impa and Cado.. they had all accepted him and he had seemingly <em>spat</em> it back in their faces.</p><p>One night he had a nightmare that he had completely lost his mind. That he fully believed the Clan's brainwashing again and forgotten all about his plan, that he was fully realised and reborn as the new Master Kohga. The nightmare had ended with Koko as an adult, dressed in Sheikah guard gear, piercing his heart with an eightfold longblade just like he had done with that Hyrulean, a look of anger and <em>hatred</em> in her eyes while he laughed maniacally just like Kohga..</p><p>Dorian woke up and vomited onto his floor after that nightmare.</p>
<hr/><p>Five months into him being back in Karusa Valley (he was almost at full bulk now, although he suspected he had ruined himself with the vegetables and probably wouldn't grow anymore in height) the first blood moon happened. Of course, the Yiga Clan tracked them extensively, so they had known when it was going to be, and yet it was also.. strange. There had been more and more seemingly when he was in Kakariko, but this first one had taken so <em>long</em>, and he finally realised something about his fellow blademasters.</p><p>If the footsoldiers were repressed, the blademasters were even <em>more</em> so. Footsoldiers at least would talk to each other about their own bodies and even on occasion hooked up, but blademasters were complete shut ins. He walked through the hideout that night and didn't see a single one of them (except for the ones who were forced to go on missions that night). He was grateful that their personal chambers had such thick walls, he couldn't even <em>imagine</em> what was going on in them.</p><p>(<em>How are we somehow able to hide all this madness from the trainees?</em>) Dorian wondered numbly. He remembered his own life as a trainee, and how he had never seen or even heard anything about this. Just goes to show how truly repressed the Clan was when it came to such matters. (<em>Huh.. now that I think about it, that's probably why I was able to get through the hallways that night and end up in the back open area to begin with wasn't it?</em>)</p><p>It was just like the footsoldiers said back then. Kohga seemingly had no <em>idea</em> that the Clan was like this when it came to blood moons, Calamity, it seemed like he had no interest in this kind of thing at all, according to his blademaster bretheren, as the elderly master had never had children. Dorian was actually grateful for that. When he had come up with this plan, it seemed kind of hopeless, he would have had a lot more trouble trying to become leader of the Clan if the Master had a child of his own, but apparantly he never had a child in the first place so.. there was a <em>chance</em>.</p><p>Dorian was so grateful that Kiyah had completely broken the conditioning out of him at this point. He could even look <em>directly</em> at the blood moon now and it would do absolutely nothing for him. However, he couldn't say the same for the others he knew in the Clan as he headed into the entrance area. Dorian could hear the soft moaning coming from one of the enclaves and he froze.</p><p>(Bant.)</p><p>He had heard from the others. Bant had been kicked out of regular footsoldier duty now and had been put on guard duty. Dorian supposed he would be in those enclaves a lot now when it came to the blood moon. However.. Dorian was a bit confused. He couldn't hear the usual noises that came from Bant when he masturbated and yet he was moaning as if he was stroking himself. Despite everything screaming at him not to look (<em>I'm just going to tell him to get back to guard duty, that's all.</em>) his curiosity got the better of him and the next thing he knew, he was watching stunned as Bant had two fingers inside himself.</p><p>(<em>WHAT.</em>)</p><p>Was.. was that even a <em>thing</em>?! He.. supposed it made sense when he thought about it later on. Where else would a man put his length, if it was two men together after all. Dorian just supposed he hadn't really thought about it. He had intended to yell at Bant to get back to his guard duty but.. found he couldn't bring himself to do so Dorian hurriedly left before Bant realised he was there, leaving the footsoldier alone with his own pleasure.</p><p>Dorian returned to his own chamber after that and quickly went to sleep, yet still wondering just how many more ways a person could pleasure themselves that he did not yet know about.</p>
<hr/><p>Once he was fully realised as a blademaster and was wearing his new blademaster uniform, his goal of becoming the future leader was finally put into operation. He took as many missions as he possibly could, even taking them from others (if they agreed), both solo and group ones and fully dedicated himself to his new role as blademaster. It was easier now, to take lives, although he tried not too if he could help it. (If the ambushee escaped there was really nothing he could do about that right? As long as he got what the Clan needed then that would be a successful mission.)</p><p>Dorian was incredibly grateful that the Clan's assassin like missions were mostly a thing of the past. After all, there was no-one out there to assassinate anymore was there? There were the three high ranked Sheikah of course but uh.. good luck with that. Kakariko's trained guards were too good and Impa never left Kakariko anyway, anyone would have to be <em>mad</em> to try and assassinate Purah and no-one would dare touch Robbie unless you wanted the wrath of a genuinely angry Master Kohga bearing down on you.</p><p>There was the still standing Akkala Citadel of course, and very rarely they would kill a Hylian Captain if they managed to capture one and Dorian remembered the first time they had captured one and managed to bring the man back to the hideout. The blademasters were practically in ecstatic glee as they tortured the man while Dorian just watched numbly and occasionally was forced to join in.</p><p>(<em>This is just my life now, isn't it?</em>)</p><p>Of course it never did anything in the end. Akkala Citadel had many soldiers and was always training new Captains, so it felt like for every one they killed there would be two more to replace them. And sometimes, it would backfire on the Clan. Once their group of blademasters had gotten too close to the citadel and then had cannon fire raining down on them as they panicked and tried to teleport away.</p><p>The Clan had lost three blademasters that day. (And one of them because Dorian had kicked the blademaster into the incoming cannon fire when everyone was panicked and no-one was paying any attention to him.)</p><p>Of course, he didn't only do missions. He had to do trainee lessons too. Somehow those were the <em>worst</em>. He couldn't show sympathy to the trainees at all, even though his heart <em>bled</em> for them. One time Dorian wondered if he could leave some of the trainees stranded near Gerudo Town. Maybe the Gerudo would pick them up, take care of them.. but it was only a misguided fantasy. He would have to explain how he lost so many trainees and it just wasn't worth it, the possibility that he could damage his ranking. In the end, he would always try and go back for them, even when he did lose one. There would be nothing like what happened when he was a trainee. He would never let a child die out in the desert because of 'resources'. (Distantly he realised that was the exact opposite of what he was trying to do. He was trying to break up the Clan, not make sure they survived..)</p><p>One time during a group training session, a younger female blademaster brought up the possibility of Dorian having a trainee with her and he was so momentarily stunned that he couldn't react for a moment, but the next thing he knew Kohga was rushing up to the two of them, placing a hand on both of their shoulders and telling them that they shouldn't rush things, there was plenty of time to have trainees still. (Dorian found he was actually grateful to the deranged Master for breaking it up as he returned to his training.)</p><p>Later back in his chambers, he cried bitterly for the first time in months realising that it was inevitable that he was going to have a trainee here and have it taken from him. He just hoped he could delay it for as much as possible. Not just for the sake of this possible trainee themselves but also.. he just didn't want to <em>be</em> with anyone else other then Kiyah.</p><p>He had to be stronger. He had to harden his heart even more. Or none of this was going to work.</p><p>'They're monsters. All of them. This entire Clan is wretched and evil and I'm going to destroy it completely.'</p>
<hr/><p>Dorian wasn't repressed anymore, he just genuinely didn't have time to take care of his own needs, which he honestly preferred. He was so exhausted from his missions that he spent more time in the infirmary then he would his own chambers and he was pretty sure the elderly Hylian medic Dot was getting sick of it.</p><p>"Blademaster, how many times are you going to end up in my infirmary?"</p><p>Dorian looked at the elderly Hylian with tired grey eyes, his mask on the bed side table. It was only him and the Hylian in the infirmary today.</p><p>"I'll be fine, I just need an energizing elixir and I'll be good to go medic."</p><p>"Elixirs only do so much, especially with how much you've been overworking yourself. I'm hearing from the other blademasters that you've been taking their missions too." the Hylian looked away and there was a frustrated and deeply pained look on the dark skinned green eyed man's face, "..Calamity, you remind me so much of <em>her.</em>"</p><p>Dorian was so tired and Dot had whispered that line so quietly that he barely heard what the man was saying to him.</p><p>The Yiga Hylian medic suddenly came to sit down on a nearby chair, "And how are you taking care of yourself?"</p><p>Dorian blinked. "..What?" he had no idea what Dot was asking of him.</p><p>The medic huffed, "We're not trainees blademaster. I'm a professional confidant, I will never talk about my patients with any one else, not even Master Kohga." he pulled Dorian's file from his cabinet, scrolling through the parchments, "Now, how are you taking care of your own <em>personal</em> needs?"</p><p>..Oh. Dorian looked away, flushing embarassedly. He couldn't believe this was happening, and so casually to boot. "I'm not."</p><p>"Not even on the blood moon?"</p><p>..?! Dorian's blush grew even deeper. "Do.. do you really not talk to Master Kohga about this?"</p><p>"Of course not. I know what the Clan is like first hand you know. I make sure all my patients can talk to me about this kind of thing, even if they can't talk about it to others." Dot was writing in the parchments and Dorian stared at him, "So, you won't even take care of yourself on the blood moon. Are you asexual?"</p><p>"Am I.. <em>what</em>?"</p><p>Dot let out a frustrated huff, "Do you not experience any sexual urges at all? For male or female partners, or to even take care of yourself?"</p><p>Dorian's head was spinning in embarassment. There was a <em>word</em> for that?</p><p>"I don't know.. maybe?"</p><p>"Have you ever been with anyone?"</p><p>He really shouldn't be talking about this (but if Dot wasn't going to tell anyone then) "..Yes."</p><p>"Male or female?"</p><p>"Female."</p><p>"Heterosexual then."</p><p>"..No, I don't think that's right." Dorian shut his eyes, "I think I would have liked her regardless if she was male or female. I liked her because it was <em>her</em>."</p><p>"Demisexual then." There was a word for that too?! "Are you still with her now?"</p><p>Dorian swallowed painfully, "..No. When I came back from my mission, I found out she had died on a mission a few years back." He had come up with that lie so quickly he was both stunned and a little awed at himself.</p><p>"Ah I see. Apologies then."</p><p>Dorian's hands tightned in his lap, "It's fine. I'm over it, it was a distraction and I am wholly dedicated to the Great Calamity and the Clan now."</p><p>"Are we not all." Dot was continuing to write, "Do you need something to help? I can help you get something if you need extra stimulation for yourself."</p><p>Dorian started spluttering. What even <em>was</em> this conversation?! His face felt so hot at this point he couldn't bear it. And Dot was still so calm, as if they weren't talking about sex and relationships so casually. (He would have never expected it from <em>anyone</em> in the Clan. Maybe it was because Dot was Hylian and therefore it was easier for him to talk about such things?)</p><p>"Wh..what do you--"</p><p>Dot was looking at him over the top of the parchment through his glasses and he had such a deadpan expression on his face that Dorian was pretty sure the medic had completely lost his patience with how stuttery and embarassed Dorian was.</p><p>"Sex toys, blademaster."</p><p>"<em>NO. NO I'M GOOD, THANK YOU MEDIC</em>."</p><p>He hurriedly left the infirmary after that without an elixir, telling himself he would never talk to Dot about these kind of things again.</p>
<hr/><p>Dorian had spoken with Kohga a few times by now, mostly in their shared training sessions although they had spoken not too long after he was first granted the blademaster rank of course (Kohga had wanted to congratulate on him on the fastest time ever to promotion to blademaster). Now however.. it was the second blood moon since he had returned to the Clan, and he found himself wandering through the halls again, heading to the back open room intentionally. He did exactly what he had done back then when he was six years old, opening the way to the special back room and then heading out into the open area leading to the Highlands.</p><p>Dorian stepped out into the open area, and he looked out into the bottomless pit and saw the blood moon above him. Calamity, he had been six years old back then, now he was just over 40, and nothing had changed at all in this scenario.</p><p>It reaffirmed in his heart that this Clan was twisted and evil and needed to die.</p><p>"What are you doing in my napping spot?!" There he was, right on schedule. "Oh.. wait a second its, just <em>you</em> blademaster." Kohga moved to lay down, reaching to scratch himself under his mask. "Do you not have anything better to do then come watch the blood moon? Like.. sleep maybe? You've been taking an awful lot of missions recently." the elderly Master yawned. "If I don't get at least 12 hours of sleep a day I get pretty cranky."</p><p>"I'm fine Master Kohga." Dorian spread his arms out, inhaling the cold desert night sky deeply as he put on a show for the elderly Master, "Being here, letting the blood moon invigorate me, it reminds me of the promise I made to you all those years ago."</p><p>Kohga was watching him, and Dorian was surprised at the startled sensation radiating from the elderly Master, "..Ah. You remember that do you? I'm surprised, you were so <em>young</em>."</p><p>Dorian blinked under his mask, confused (and maybe a little annoyed). "Why would I forget?" he turned to look at Kohga, "..Did you think I would?"</p><p>Kohga shrugged, "You had a lot going on back then." Why did he seem so distant now compared to how he had been back then?</p><p>Somehow, Dorian was annoyed on behalf of his younger self. His younger self would be <em>crushed</em> if Kohga was talking like this to him after he did all this work to be blademaster..</p><p>"Did I.." Dorian spoke quietly, looking away from the blood moon and at the pit, "..Have I done something wrong Master Kohga?"</p><p>"Eh?" the Master looked at him, "What do you mean?"</p><p>Dorian swallowed, shuffling his mask a little, "It's just.. I did all this work, becoming a blademaster, all the missions I've been on.." Dorian stepped forwards a little, "I did all of this so I could help fulfill that promise I made to you all those years ago."</p><p>"..And what about <em>you</em>?"</p><p>Dorian froze, his eyes wide behind his mask. What?!</p><p>Kohga sighed, moving to sit up and cross his legs, "You know, when I sent you on that mission, I hoped it would reaffirm your heart to the Clan, but instead it's just made you <em>worse</em>. You didn't even come to the party the other month either, because you were out on a mission." Kohga was suddenly pulling away his mask, dropping it to the ground and Dorian was stunned as he finally saw the whole face behind it. He knew the master had scars, but they were all over the entirety of his face. His face looked practically <em>warped</em> by the scars. It even looked like the scars continued down his chest..</p><p>Before he knew what he was doing, Dorian had moved to his knees in front of Kohga and then Kohga was reaching for his own mask. Dorian allowed him to remove it and then the two were looking at each other, eye to eye, completely maskless.</p><p>"Did you forget the rest of our promise? I want the Yiga Clan to be completely united. We're not just a Clan, we're <em>family</em>."</p><p>Why did he have such a desperate look in his eyes? What was Kohga trying to tell him..?</p><p>Dorian swallowed, "I.. I haven't forgotten."</p><p>(<em>You stupid delusional old man. How can you say things like that when this Clan is the way it is? Don't you realise just how hypocritical you actually are?!</em>)</p><p>"Then come to my next party, okay? You'll have fun, I promise."</p><p>"I.." Dorian sighed, "..very well Master Kohga, if that is an official order then I will comply."</p><p>Kohga's hands seemed to twitch a little at his sides, as if he wanted to reach out.. but he didn't. Dorian moved to Kohga's side and they watched the blood moon again, just like he had when he was six years old until..</p><p>"How did your mission go anyway?" Kohga was saying quietly, "Did you see a lot of different places? Almost seven years.. I made sure to give you enough time, that would have been enough time to see the entirety of Hyrule."</p><p>(<em>..What.</em>)</p><p>"Wh-what do you mean the entirety of Hyrule?" Dorian turned to stare at Kohga, unable to hide the look of pure <em>shock</em> on his unmasked face, "I.. I was told it was a spying mission for Kakariko."</p><p>Kohga glanced over at him, an equal amount of confusion to Dorian's own shock, "..Well yeah, you <em>started</em> in Kakariko sure, and you needed to <em>end</em> there too so you could be picked up, but--" Kohga was tilting his head a little as he seemed to realise what Dorian had said, "..wait, <em>spying</em> mission? What do you mean spying mission? I never sent you to be a spy. Why would I need a spy in Kakariko, we've already won."</p><p>Dorian felt like he had been punched repeatedly in the gut. He was pretty sure he was <em>wheezing</em>.</p><p>"..Dorian. Did you spend the entire seven years in Kakariko?" Kohga sounded alarmed now.</p><p>Clearly some wires had got crossed when this mission had been given to him by the blademaster all those years ago. But hey, that's what happens when you don't give your Clan members missions directly yourself and just have them relayed through others, huh?</p><p>Later that night when the blood moon hit it's peak, Dorian teleported onto the head of the Statue of the Eighth Heroine and screamed so loudly and hoarsely he wouldn't be surprised if the entirety of Hyrule could hear him.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Intermission</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robbie breathed in the cold air of Kakariko Village as he stepped back into the village for the first time in decades. Goddess, even the sky seemed to be in mourning today as the rain poured down into the village. Dejectedly, the elderly Sheikah headed for Impa's house, his heart feeling numb.</p><p>He knew they weren't supposed to be here, neither him nor Purah, that's why the three of them had seperated all those years ago after all but.. he wasn't going to miss his little brother's funeral and neither was Purah. The two families had been too close for that. Robbie was incredibly grateful to the Hyrulean army, he would have never made it all the way here from Akkala without them, and there were guards stationed all around the village at every possible advantage point for today. Apparantly they hadn't even let travelers or merchants into the village the last few days either.. apart from Kass of course.</p><p>As he walked past the tired miserable looking guard in front of Impa's house, Robbie couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy. Goddess, the village really was just as miserable as he remembered. Maybe even <em>more</em> so. The depression here was stifling and the rain wasn't helping.</p><p>But then again, he was the same wasn't he? When was the last time Robbie had done his signature pose? He couldn't even <em>remember</em>. It felt like he had just been on auto pilot for decades now, helping the Hyrulean army, continuing his work on his weapons, even though he knew in his deep down in his heart it was pointless..</p><p>As Jerrin and Granté followed him up the stairs, the door opened and then Purah was dragging him into Impa's home. "Finally there you are Robbie. We were thinking you had gotten lost."</p><p>They were all here. Impa and Paya of course, Purah and her current assistant Symin, Kass, and the three of them. Funerals were always a miserable event, but.. at least they could <em>have</em> a funeral this time. They had never even been allowed that back then had they. The Champions.. the King.. Princess Zelda.. <em>Link</em>. All lost in the Castle all those years ago.</p><p>Robbie felt the pain in his own soul grow even more. How much more could they suffer? Who would die next? Or would the Calamity just burst free and take them all out in a blaze of fire and malice?</p>
<hr/><p>Kiyah took in a deep breath as she looked through the open door of her home as the procession headed to the graveyard, rubbing her expanding stomach slowly as she tried to calm her nerves. She couldn't take her eyes off Purah. It was the first time she had seen the elderly Sheikah since the day she had left Hateno all those years ago, and she was surprised at the bitterness that still existed in her own heart.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
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    <em>"You're kicking me out of Hateno?!" Kiyah screamed, her red eyes wide.</em>
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    <em>"I'm not--" Purah sighed heavily, not even looking at the Sheikah as she continued her work, "I can't make you do anything Kiyah, it was just a suggestion. I just think you should be with your own people in Kakariko, maybe find a nice husband of your own, settle down."</em>
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    <em>"But I don't like Kakariko, it's stifling and overwhelming there!"</em>
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    <em>Purah turned over her shoulder to look at her, red eyes meeting red, "Oh grow up, you're not a child, you're almost 30 years old."</em>
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    <em>"And I just lost my father!"</em>
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    <em>"Yeah well, I lost my assistant too!"</em>
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    <em>The eccentric elderly woman turned back to her work and Kiyah was trembling so hard, she was so upset that she just wanted to leave all together, forget all of this nonsense.</em>
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    <em>(Settle down?) Kiyah thought later bitterly as she packed up her remaining belongings, ready to leave Hateno on Firly, and the Sheikah couldn't help but think of that Yiga footsoldier she had met all those years ago. (You know what Purah maybe I will do just that.)</em>
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</blockquote><p>..Of course, she never had. There just wasn't enough bitterness in Kiyah's heart to completely abandon the Sheikah all together and go to the other side, and she had her friends in Hateno too of course (Rola joining her in Kakariko helped a lot too).</p><p>Kiyah had never regretted any of her decisions. Saving that Yiga footsolider all those years ago, ending up in Kakariko.. even <em>now</em>, she didn't regret being with Dorian at all. If she hadn't, she wouldn't have Koko and her evantual second child.</p><p>Kiyah's children were worth all the pain in the world.</p><p>..Her only regret in her entire life was being so <em>weak</em> that she had decided to drink that bottle of alcohol. She hadn't just made herself weak, she had made <em>Dorian</em> weak as well. Despite it being the first time ever that she was drunk (and losing all her inhibations that she told Dorian even the secrets that she had kept deep in her own heart) she remembered most of that night vividly.</p><p>In her own drunken stupor, Kiyah had been <em>ecstatic</em> when Dorian had completely finished off the bottle (<em>I would have never been like if that I was sober.. I didn't even want him to drink it in the first place!</em>) The alcohol had completely changed him. He wasn't the soft gentle man she remembered. He had been..</p><p>(<em>The Yiga Clan member he had born as, hadn't he?</em>)</p><p>The night that had followed had been the most depraved coupling of their either of their entire lives. Kiyah shivered as she touched her neck. The bite marks were all gone now and she was grateful for it. Before she had started showing, Kiyah would find herself touching those bruises on her neck and stroking herself between her legs to completion, even (<em>especially</em>) after he left.</p><p>(<em>I didn't like it. It was wrong, we should have never let it go that far.</em>)</p><p>Never. She would <em>never</em> drink alcohol again for the rest of her life.</p>
<hr/><p>Kiyah cried when Cottla was born, but for a completely different reason. She was in absolute misery, and it <em>hurt</em> so much more then Koko did. Rola ended up staying with her and Kiyah couldn't even hold Cottla for that entire first day.</p><p>"Postnatal depression." she heard Impa speak out. Kiyah's heart fell and she felt so guilty.. no no, it was fine. She was going to be fine. She just.. needed time that was all.</p><p>A month after Cottla was born, Kiyah found two diamonds by their tree.</p><p>(<em>If I sell these, that would be 1000 rupees.. is that why he went back? To provide for us?</em>)</p><p>A couple of weeks later again, she found a handful of gold rupees in her dresser. She had tried to stay awake many times, but she never could for an entire night. She seemed to always just miss him.</p><p>She later realised there were ingredients in her chest that hadn't been there before. Over the months and years he would deliver new ingredients to them: Tabantha wheat, Hylian rice, cane sugar, blueshell snails, truffles, courser bee honey, wildberries.. voltfruit and hydromelons. And lots of radishes. Even gourmet meat, whole bird, hearty bass and salmon.. but never mighty bananas for obvious reasons.</p><p>(<em>What is the point in giving us both rupees and ingredients?</em>) she wondered to herself one day. (<em>I have all these rupees and apart from our own village's specialites I have nothing to spend it on.</em>)</p><p>One day she opened her dresser and winced her eyes shut as the strange golden glow hit her eyes. What was that? She had later taken it to Impa and the elderly Sheikah had told her it was a Star Fragment and asked where she had even <em>got</em> it from. Kiyah hadn't been able to tell her the truth then, her voice catching in her throat, but she was pretty sure the elder had figured it out. Another day Kiyah had opened her dresser and found a strange orange pulsing organ.</p><p>"IS THAT LYNEL GUTS?!" Claree and Lasli had gaped at her when she went to Enchanted later on to see if she could trade it for some rupees and Kiyah's stomach twisted painfully. Was Dorian actually <em>mad</em>? Or was he so strong now that he could fight a lynel? Maybe he had done so just to see if he <em>could</em>.</p><p>At some point she had gained so many rupees she had no idea what to even do with it all. She had a whole storage chest in the loft just full of gold rupees, from the gemstones she had sold as well as the rupees left in her dresser. When the girls were asleep one day, she pulled it out and counted it all. At least 50,000 rupees. And he was still sending more.</p><p>(<em>That's at least 160 gold rupees.</em>) Kiyah thought numbly. (<em>This is enough to last for generations at this point. How do they not know what he's doing?</em>) Kiyah realised at some point that he was getting this from ambushes (even if <em>he</em> wasn't the one doing them) and she found herself vomiting in her outhouse. (<em>How many people died to give me all these rupees that I'm not even using?</em>) She started leaving them around the village in other people's homes in secret and even buried outside the village, hoping that travellers and merchants would find them.</p><p>Evantually she would meet a young girl too young for the burdens on her shoulders and start giving them to her, to help her with her journey, but for years to come yet the guilt would wrack her and she would just take the rupees and gemstones and add them to the chest as they kept piling up.</p><p>Evantually she had more chests of rupees and gemstones then she had even books. And Kiyah had a <em>lot</em> of books.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Six Years (Zero)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dorian was in his personal blademaster chambers, leaning on one elbow and reading one of the books that Kohga had lent him. These books were <em>stupidly</em> hard to read thanks to the Ancient Sheikah language, but with Kohga's odd scratchy translations he was getting the hang of it.</p><p>Half the time Dorian genuinely couldn't believe he had gotten this far in this plan. No longer was he a top blademaster anymore, he had succeeded even his own expectations.</p><p>And yet, he was waiting for that official confirmation. Kohga hadn't said it yet, not even to <em>him</em>, but Dorian knew it was just a matter of time.</p><p>The other blademasters were treating him differently too, even though he wasn't training with Kohga yet. He could feel their glares on him when he walked through the hideout, they were being civil with him at best. But they were absolutely seething with jealously. Dorian would have to do something about that soon. The last thing he needed was a coup when he officially took over.</p><p>(<em>What if I stole the Thunder Helm?</em>) he had pondered to himself one day. (<em>Maybe that would prove my skills to them.</em>)</p><p>Well, at least there was still Lizz. He was the only other blademaster in the entire Clan who actually treated Dorian like an ally (not like really cared either way). Even if his own ranking was getting lower and lower. Dorian frowned at that as he looked at the dim lanterns on the ceiling in his room. Lizz.. he had been such a good blademaster in the beginning, now it seemed like he was failing every other mission.</p><p>(<em>Well, at least he's still alive.</em>) Dorian thought numbly to himself. (<em>Can't really say that for some of them.</em>)</p><p>Dorian shook his head, scrolling back to the front of the book, looking at the passage in the front of it again. What was it with this passage? Why did he always find his thoughts returning to it? Dorian reached out, touching the Ancient Sheikah text in the book. It had taken him so long to translate this passage when he had first been lent the book by Kohga..</p><p>'The Spirit of the Hero. The Blood of the Goddess. The Reincarnation of Hatred. Forever they will wander this land of Hyrule, doomed to follow a blood-soaked sea of darkness for all time. These books contain within the Legends of Hyrule, passed down through the Sky, through Time, and through Twilight, and even further beyond in other worlds, other times. To my descendents, take note of the words held within and remember your own blood-stained past forever more.'</p><p>Dorian placed the parchment with the translations into it and shut the book, sighing. 'To my descendents'.. did some ancient form of the Great Calamity write this book? That's what Kohga seemed to believe. He moved to place the book in his dresser. He would try to read some more of it tomorrow. There was an interesting rune magic he wanted to try and learn from it (bomb magic? was that what it was called?)</p><p>He was pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door and looked up, his eyes narrowing a little. That was strange, who would be here tonight? It was a blood moon after all, they should all be.. busy. But he grabbed his mask, locking it into place and lifted his hood once more, making sure he was presentable before moving to the door. He could hear light ragged breathing through it and his eyes narrowed even further.</p><p>"Who is it?"</p><p>"H-hey, it's just me.."</p><p>..Lizz?</p><p>Dorian moved to move the open the door and the moment he did, he was immediately overwhelmed by a smell of alcohol. And his eyes widened even further when he realised Lizz wasn't wearing his mask. And was only wearing his night wear instead of his blademaster uniform.</p><p>"What are you--?!"</p><p>Lizz was then pushing into his chambers, and his arms were around Dorian and the next thing he knew they were both falling to his floor. (Even in his panicked state, Dorian still somehow managed to lock and shutter his door, before they collapsed to the floor entirely).</p><p>"Dorian.." Lizz was moaning drunkenly into his ear, "<em>Dorian</em>.."</p><p>Oh. <em>No</em>.</p><p>Dorian had been trying not to think about it for the past few years. How Lizz would always come and watch his training sessions, how when the two of them were together, his touches always seemed more and more frequent, how with each and every blood moon he seemed to be getting more insistent..</p><p>"Lizz." Dorian pushed at the other man's chest, trying to get him off of himself, trying to keep a stern voice (even though he was panicking inside), "<em>Control yourself</em>."</p><p>"Been.. trying to.. control myself.." Lizz was slurring now, "for.. ages.. c-can't.. can't.. do it.. a-anymore.."</p><p>Lizz's hand was stroking down Dorian's uniform, his hand moving lower and lower..</p><p>"Lizz." Dorian said sternly, "Stop this. <em>Now</em>."</p><p>Lizz was practically sobbing with desperate moans in his ear, "D-don't be.. so <em>mean</em>.. y-you've never.. with <em>anyone</em>.. not a single blademaster.. o-or even when.. you were a footsoldier.. it's the blood m-moon.. c-come on.. I.. I know I can.. make y-you.. feel <em>good</em>.."</p><p>Dorian hit his limit, and he kicked Lizz in the gut, making the other blademaster retch as he pulled away, moving back to his bed.</p><p>"Get <em>out</em>." Dorian spat, glaring down at his former mentee.</p><p>"I.. I don't get it.." Lizz was groaning, pressing his flushed face to the floor. He didn't even seem to register that he had been kicked, "I.. I know y-you're.. affected.. b-by the.. b-blood moon.. Bant.. t-told me as such.."</p><p>Dorian froze completely on his bed. They had been talking about him?</p><p>"W-we don't.. even h-have to.. g-go all the way.." Lizz was slurring even more now. There was no way he was this drunk off the diluted stuff. Dorian frowned. Had.. had Lizz somehow gotten a hold of the pure stuff? "L-let me just.. s-suck you off.. a-and I'll leave.."</p><p>Dorian felt heat rising in his cheeks behind his mask, but he remained passive, controlled and hardened as ever.</p><p>"No."</p><p>He heard Lizz let out a desperate sob and then the other blademaster was reaching down into his nightwear for his own length.</p><p>(<em>Kick him out.</em>) Dorian heard himself in his own mind. (<em>Make him get out.</em>)</p><p>'No.' his mantra spoke to him and Dorian frowned even more beneath his mask. 'If Lizz wants to completely ruin himself and his own mind, let him do it. Clearly this whole thing is affecting his mental state, its affecting his missions after all.'</p><p>(<em>But.. it's Lizz!</em>) his own mind retorted. (<em>He's our friend!</em>)</p><p>'We don't have any friends, especially not here in the Clan. He's a monster just like the rest of them and part of the problem.'</p><p>Dorian swallowed nervously and felt himself lean back in his bed. He couldn't believe he was going to let the man violate himself on his own floor like this. But there was a sound he could hear from Lizz's trousers that was.. odd. It sounded like some sort of metal being pressed against the floor.</p><p>A moment later he realised what it was when Lizz pulled down his night wear trousers and Dorian <em>balked</em> at the sight.</p><p>Lizz had his length in some sort of metal cage.</p><p>"Oh, what the <em>fuck</em>." Dorian heard himself speak out and he was surprised at his own vulgarity. He had never cursed so much in his entire life, even before he went to Kakariko, but the other blademaster's crude language had really affected him the last couple of years.</p><p>"D-do you.. l-like it?" Lizz was hiccuping now, a glazed look in his pink eyes as the man drooled over his floor, "I.. I got it.. c-couple years back.."</p><p>Dorian's head was spinning. There was no way that was good for him, his mental state, his <em>body</em>. After all his years in the Clan, he thought he understood the repression but this was something <em>completely</em> different.</p><p>Lizz was moaning softly as he rubbed the little cage against the floor, "W-when the.. H-Hylians told me.. about t-this.. they said.. i-it was g-good for.. r-repressing.. y-your urges.."</p><p>Dorian could hear more metal scraping and he noticed something around Lizz's neck, a chain with a key on it.</p><p>(<em>Make him stop, please.</em>) his mind begged at him. (<em>He's going to completely destroy himself.</em>)</p><p>'Good.' his mantra retorted.</p><p>Dorian felt like he was floating above the scene that was playing out in front of him. Like he wasn't even in his own body anymore. (<em>Well at least I'm not affected by the display myself.</em>) he thought to himself. It was more of a disgusting curiosity at this point. How badly could Lizz violate himself and completely destroy his own mind?</p><p>"Does that actually feel good?" he heard himself ask, and the lack of disinterest in his own voice..</p><p>"Y-yeah.." Lizz slurred, "It does.." He was completely removing his trousers and then Dorian noticed he had a Yiga club in his hand. "L-look.. watch me.."</p><p>He was pushing the club down below his caged length, and then he was <em>shoving</em> it roughly inside himself. Dorian actually winced behind his mask.</p><p>'What an absolute <em>idiot</em>.' his mantra scolded. 'I can't believe I thought he was going to be a top blademaster one day.'</p><p>(<em>But I did this to him, didn't I..?</em>) Dorian thought to himself (<em>If I hadn't made him do that reunifcation ceremony..</em>) his inner voice was getting quieter and quieter though.. as the realisation of what was happening in front of him sunk in more and more. Dorian pressed the fingertips of his hands together, just watching disinterestedly as Lizz continued to destroy his own sanity.</p><p>"W-want you.." Lizz was slurring even louder now, "i-inside me.. D-Dorian.."</p><p>"I'm not interested." Lizz let out another sob as his hand moved faster on the club. There were tears in his pink eyes as he drooled all over the floor. "Why don't you find another blademaster?" Dorian heard himself speaking cruelly, "I'm sure you would find plenty who would want to indulge in this depravity." he heard himself let out a sharp yet disintersted laugh, "Or maybe you would prefer a footsoldier? I'm sure Bant would oblige if you asked him."</p><p>Lizz's hand seemed to still for a moment in disgust but then.. he was moving the club even <em>faster</em>, desperate keens coming out of his mouth. Dorian laughed again, "Oh dear, is that idea getting you off even <em>more</em> Lizz? The idea of someone ranked <em>lower</em> then you, inside you?"</p><p>"N-no.." Lizz was sobbing, "o-only you.."</p><p>Dorian heard himself cackle, "Oh that's rich." he couldn't help but quote Lizz from back that night when the other blademaster had picked him up from Kakariko. He felt so vindicated right now, watching the man who had brought him back into this life completely destroy himself, "So you fantasized about me as a footsoldier defiling you?"</p><p>"Y-yeah.. all the t-time.."</p><p>Dorian's heart had hardened completely now. Lizz had been the final breaking point, the final hold of his old life and right now Dorian didn't care if the blademaster lived or died.</p><p>'Go on. Completely destroy your mind you pathetic monster.' his mantra crooned darkly inside himself. His inner self had completely shut up, only the mantra was left now.</p><p>He felt absolutely nothing for any of them. The entire Clan.. it was worthless and disgusting and he was going to <em>kill them all</em>.</p><p>It was what they deserved. They were monsters after all.</p><p>"Dorian.. <em>Dorian</em>..!" Lizz looked completely broken at this point, his pink eyes dull as he continued to destroy himself on Dorian's floor.</p><p>"<em>Master</em>." Dorian heard himself speak out coldly and then Lizz was looking up at him again with completely broken eyes, "You will refer to me as such blademaster."</p><p>"M-Master.." Lizz sobbed and nodded and then he was spilling himself, leaking spurts through the metal cage and onto Dorian's floor.</p><p>'Revolting.' his mantra muttered. 'I'll make him clean that up with his tongue tomorrow.'</p><p>Lizz completely passed out after his pathetic orgasm, slumping forwards on the floor and Dorian just left him there, not even bothering to put a blanket over him.</p><p>'If the idiot dies from the cold that's just one less thing I have to worry about huh?'</p><p>He grabbed his book again, teleporting away back to the Statue of the Eighth Heroine and sitting on it's head as he continued to read. It was cold in the Highlands, but thankfully not snowy. He looked up at the blood moon in the distance as it continued to rise and smirked widely behind his mask.</p><p>'You have no control over me anymore.'</p><p>Even Kiyah and his daughters were only a small leftover spark in his hardened heart, a memory of a life he once lived and forgotten about in the service of a plan that was much greater then anyone could ever hope to imagine.</p>
<hr/><p>Dorian became much more crueler then he had been, even before. And he had been pretty cruel even as a footsoldier. Although he still kept up the formality for Kohga's sake, went to parties, pretended to be dedicated to Kohga's wish for 'the Clan to be a family', if for no-one else then Kohga's top circle of blademasters who were the only ones the elderly Master ever really conversed with. For everyone else it was a completely different story. They knew only of Master Kohga's most elite blademaster, the cruel bastard who made their lives a living hell.</p><p>Dorian completely reveled in it just like before. Only now he knew the truth. He was a monster, not by his blood, his malice, but by his actions, and he had accepted it wholeheartedly. Only a true monster after all would treat people like this. Only a true monster would abandon his family and return to this nightmare of a Clan.</p><p>And he was still exhausted, still ended up in the infirmary more times then he could count, but he had stopped caring about it a long time ago. Nothing mattered anymore, expect for his mantra and his plan to destroy the Clan.</p><p>He started his training with Kohga officially about five years after he had rejoined the Clan and somehow it was the gruelling thing he had done so far. One time Master Kohga had accidentally slammed him into the wall with his barrier magic so hard that it had broken Dorian's leg.</p><p>He woke up in the infirmary later with Dot and Master Kohga sobbing over him, Kohga apologising profusely, but Dorian just smiled and said it was fine. He barely felt the pain anyway.</p><p>Their conversations took a more serious tone about six months later.</p><p>"..The Hero?" Dorian frowned as he put down the roasted meat he was chewing at as the the two sat in the outside area after a particuarly gruelling training session.</p><p>Kohga sighed and crossed his arms, a pained look on his scarred face, "I know, it's stupid to think about it, the Hero is dead after all. But it's about uh.." he was counting on his fingers now, "..Six months I think? Yeah, that sounds about right. In six months it will be the one hundred year anniversary since the Great Calamity's attack on Hyrule Castle." Kohga crossed his arms, "I already told you about the prophecy that was supposed to happen didn't I?"</p><p>Dorian shut his eyes, letting out a small hum, "A Hero born from a future of ruin, who arrives from the Shrine of Resurrection."</p><p>Who was that Hero supposed to be anyway? Dorian knew it couldn't have been the Hero from one hundred years ago, the Hylian Champion died in the castle after all.</p><p>'It doesn't matter.' his mantra reaffirmed at him. 'There is no Hero. There is only me. And while I might not be able to stop the Calamity, I will at least destroy the Yiga Clan.'</p><p>Kohga let out a frustrated sigh, leaning back on his hands as he looked at the sky above the open area in the back of the hideout.</p><p>"I just really wanted to <em>kill</em> the Hero you know Dorian? As the leader of the Yiga Clan, it's what I was born to do after all."</p><p>Dorian looked over at him. He really needed to get this nonsense out of Kohga's mind, it wasn't helping him in the long run. If he got worked up about it even more, it was going to mope and stress him out and then he would have to take a nap and that would be an entire day lost. Dorian moved to stand, moving over to the Master and placing his hands on the man's shoulders.</p><p>"It matters not Master Kohga." Dorian spoke softly, tilting his head a little and pretending to comfort him, "What matters now is the Clan and our devotion to our great Lord after all." Dorian moved to his knees, wrapping his arms around Kohga's shoulders as he crooned softly, playing into the broken Master's most desperate wish (even if he didn't know exactly <em>why</em> and didn't really care either). "Let's make the Yiga Clan the best it can possibly be, so we can exist for another ten thousand years. Let's make this Clan a <em>family</em>."</p><p>That did the trick and Kohga immediately forgot about the dead Hero.</p><p>"Yeah, you're right Dorian. Let's get back to training shall we?"</p><p>Dorian tried not to smirk.</p>
<hr/><p>The cruelest blademaster in the Yiga Clan's eyes narrowed beneath his mask as he stood on the top of the center pedestal in the entrance area, his arms crossed in front of him. Distantly he remembered a story he was told when he was a young trainee about the previous Master Kohga who liked to stand on this very pedestal, and demean their footsoldiers, and the blademaster was trying to channel that Master's very presence right now. Except.. he couldn't really do that because there was an argument going on outside.</p><p>"If you wish to enter our hideout free, then first you must answer these riddles three~"</p><p>Oh. That was the blademaster's once idiot partner's voice. His eyes narrowed even more.</p><p>"I don't have time for this failed blademaster <em>Bant</em>. I need to find an actual blademaster, it's important!"</p><p>'Doubtful. Do your job footsoldier. It's the only thing you were born to do.'</p><p>"Hey, I got a job to do too. What if one of our footsoldiers was ambused out there, had their outfit stolen and the perpetrator tried sneaking in here? I can't just release the protection spell keeping our hideout shut for anyone to be let in, ya know?"</p><p>'Idiots. Both of them. As if anyone from the outside could get in here. I would kill them.'</p><p>"<em>You can sense my magic!</em> If I wasn't Yiga, you would know! Even the youngest of Yiga trainees can sense each other through their disguises. Even someone like you isn't that incompete-!"</p><p>He had had enough of this nonsense and moved to open the hideout himself.</p><p>"What is the meaning of this?"</p><p>But the blademaster really had no idea how this one seemingly random decision would change his entire destiny and set him back on the path of redemption that Kiyah had started all those years ago. Whether he liked it or not.</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Epilogue I (Lizz)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me: I don't really like writing porn. The porn in this story is mostly an excuse for the plot/explanations for my main story.</p><p>Also me: [writes whatever the fuck this is]</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the fateful encounter in Dorian's blademaster chambers, the next few years for Lizz felt like an absolute haze and he barely remembered a thing. The blademaster just wasn't all there anymore in his mind, although maybe he had been that way ever since he stuck his damn length into that metal cage.</p><p>All he could think about constantly was being defiled, wrecked, having someone inside him. At some point it stopped being about Dorian too, he just wanted someone <em>anyone</em> inside him. Maybe even Bant. One particuarly bad blood moon he found himself so frustated that he walked to the footsoldier's barracks, opened the door, and the footsoldiers just <em>fled</em> at the sight of him.</p><p>Lizz realised later on that the footsoldiers likely didn't realise that the blademasters were maybe even <em>more</em> pent up and repressed then even them and likely thought they were about to be punished for defiling their revered blood moon like that.</p><p>He ended up returning to his blademaster chambers and rode his club the entire night long, even <em>after</em> the blood moon had hit it's peak, just constantly leaking in his little cage until there was nothing left inside him. But it wasn't enough, it was <em>never</em> enough. He needed a living breathing person, not his own damn club.</p><p>When the Hero arrived, Lizz had no choice. He unlocked the cage, shoved it into his dresser and tried to play the part of a proper Yiga blademaster. And then, it was all over, almost immediately as it started. In a month they had learned about the Hero's existence, all four Champions had somehow been saved, and the Calamity was gone (and Dorian was a traitor somehow, although Lizz barely even registered that point).</p><p>And.. the Yiga Clan were redeemed somehow? Okay, now that part was the <em>weirdest</em>. The fog that had been in his mind for so long seemed to relent just a bit when Master Kohga brought the entire Clan into the back room and told them they were free to do whatever they wanted, as long as they didn't kill people. They could even <em>leave</em> the Clan, if that was what made them happy.</p><p>He could.. leave?</p><p>Before he knew what had happened, Lizz found himself in the armoury room, picked out some simple garments in his own size and turned in his blademaster uniform, mask and windcleaver. Apparantly he was the very first member in the Clan (apart from Dorian of course) to willingly leave. The only thing he took with him was his cage and the chain with the key on it, nothing else really mattered. He had no idea what he was even <em>doing</em> but he supposed this was what he wanted. (He never had before though, and distantly Lizz wondered what had changed.)</p><p>A group of blademasters (and surprisingly Bant was there too) chastised him as he left Karusa Valley, but he didn't even react to them at all, not even caring that they told him he was the lowest ranking blademaster at this point and no wonder he was leaving.</p><p>Lizz left the Valley and never went back.</p><p>That night, his cage still in his pocket, Lizz looked up at the stars as he sat behind the inn in Kara Kara Bazaar and realised something that made his mind come to a screeching halt: there would be no more blood moons. Lizz practically had a panic attack right there in the Bazaar. He hadn't realised it at all, but he had become dependent on the blood moon. He needed it to <em>function</em>.</p><p>"Whoa whoa, hey there buddy are you alright?" There was a hand on his shoulder and Lizz turned to see a short chubby Hylian. The man had brown hair and a little goatee and had such a concerned look on his face. "Breathe, <em>breathe</em>." the man spoke softly and Lizz realised his face was wet.</p><p>What the hell was happening to him? When had everything gone so wrong?</p><p>With the Hylian patting his back (even though a part of Lizz wanted to <em>kill</em> the worthless Hylian for touching him like this), Lizz someone managed to calm down, his breathing relaxing until he lay back against the inn again.</p><p>"There we go." the Hylian let out a little sigh, coming to sit next to him and Lizz tried to back away. He may have been the first official person who left the reborn Clan, but that didn't mean he had to accept this random Hylian's help like that. He wasn't <em>weak</em>.</p><p>"I'm Benja, what's your name?"</p><p>"..I don't have a name." Lizz heard himself mutter darkly. That's right, his mantra had become weak over the last couple of months (and years) but it was still there, always, in the back of his mind, even with how desperate his arousal and repression had become.</p><p>Benja was looking at him a little sadly, "You're Yiga aren't you?"</p><p>Lizz froze, his eyes wide as he looked over at the man (distantly, he remembered he wasn't using disguise magic though so..)</p><p>"I mean, it's kind of obvious. There's no Hyruleans as tall as you, except for the Gerudo." Benja looked over at him, "You're really lucky the Gerudo guards haven't kicked you out of here you know. They've been eyeing you for a while now. They said if you do anything, they won't hesitate to attack you, but you don't have any weapons and you seem.. ah.. pretty <em>broken</em>. Considering the upheavel your Clan just went through, I suppose it makes sense. So they've decided to leave you alone for now. "</p><p>Was it that obvious there was something wrong with him? Lizz wiped his eyes and looked away, "Just leave me alone <em>Hylian</em>."</p><p>"You have really pretty eyes you know."</p><p>..Eh?! There was a sudden flush rising in his cheeks and he was stammering as he looked at the Hylian.</p><p>Benja just chuckled, "I've never seen anyone with pink eyes before. They make you look so <em>cute</em>, even though you're more then double my size and could break me like a tree branch."</p><p>"C-cute?!"</p><p>What the fuck <em>was</em> this? Were Hylians always this brazen and open? Lizz's mouth was just opening and closing uselessly, the poor former blademaster had no idea what was happening to him.</p><p>"And I'm pretty sure you're older then me too. How old are you mr. no name?"</p><p>Lizz finally found his voice, "Uh.. early fourties I think? W-we.. don't really track our ages in the Clan.." Oh <em>damn</em> he had just admitted he was from the Clan.</p><p>Benja nodded, "Yeah, I'm in my late thirties." there was suddenly a hand on his thigh, "I'm okay with that though, I have no problem with older men. Or older women. Or.. heh, anyone actually." Benja was smirking at him now.</p><p>(<em>Make him stop, he's a worthless Hylian he doesn't deserve--</em>) But then Dorian's voice came to back him suddenly.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Oh dear, is that idea getting you off even more Lizz? The idea of someone ranked lower then you, inside you?"</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Oh no.</p><p>Oh Calamity <em>no</em>.</p><p>Was.. was he actually getting aroused by the idea of this Hylian inside him?</p><p>(<em>Am I so desperate that I would have anyone inside me?! Even the Clan's enemies?!</em>)</p><p>Except.. they weren't really the Clan's enemies anymore were they. Lizz had no idea what was going on anymore. It was like reality itself had stopped working.</p><p>"Hey, is it okay if I touch you?" the Hylian's fingers were trailing up his trousers and Lizz was pretty sure he was about to pass out.</p><p>At the look on Lizz's face though, Benja immediately backed away, even though he kinda pouted at it. "Ahh.. sorry, was I coming on too strong there? If you don't consent, nothing I can do, I'm no rapist after all." Benja moved to lean on his elbow, "I just saw your pretty pink eyes and my cock started thinking before my brain did. I really need to control myself more."</p><p>His what? For a moment, that actually snapped Lizz out of whatever fog had been in his mind previously. "S-sorry, your <em>what</em>?" Lizz managed to croak out.</p><p>Benja blinked, but at the dumbfounded look on Lizz's face, the Hylian suddenly cackled, "Oh Goddess, you don't know the word 'cock'? I heard rumours you Yiga were repressed, but <em>damn</em>." he pointed in between Lizz's legs and the Yiga finally understood.</p><p>"You mean a penis..?"</p><p>Benja just nodded. Calamity, what a vulgar word. Lizz had never even <em>heard</em> such a euphimism in his life, even from the merchant he had gotten his cage from.. and yet.. something inside him was <em>tingling</em> at the vulgar word. And the next thing he knew..</p><p>"Oh Goddess, you're practically <em>panting</em>." Benja smirked, "I can't tell what's going on with you at all. I thought you weren't wanting to consent, but now you seem <em>desperate</em> for a cock inside you."</p><p>That word was doing something to him and the next thing he knew, Lizz was reaching into his pocket for his cage. At the sight of it, Benja's eyes widened. "Oh Goddess." the Hylian was whispering, "You even have a cock cage."</p><p>Lizz was pretty sure he was drooling now. Cock.. it was all he could <em>think</em> about. He wanted a <em>cock</em> inside him so bad.</p><p>"Want to go somewhere special?" the Hylian was whispering sultry in his ear and Lizz just nodded dumbly.</p><hr/><p>"You can't be serious." the Gerudo in the inn said flatly, "He's <em>Yiga</em> we're not--"</p><p>Benja threw the Gerudo vai a purple rupee. "Don't worry, we're not staying here, we're going downstairs."</p><p>The Gerudo vai quickly grabbed the purple rupee, "Fine. He can be your problem, don't say we didn't warn you though if he decides to go on a rampage though. We Gerudo don't go down there after all, so we can't protect you."</p><p>Before he knew what was happening, the Hylian was taking him into a back room in the inn and then was opening a secret passage in the floor and the two were heading down a long flight of stairs, lit up by dim lanterns. Lizz's pink eyes burrowed as the passage behind them was closed. The Yiga Clan thought they knew everything about the desert, but they had no <em>idea</em> there was a secret room under the Kara Kara Bazaar inn..</p><p>"..What <em>is</em> this?" he asked as he followed the Hylian down the stairs.</p><p>Benja turned to look at Lizz over his shoulder, grinning wildly, "Something the Gerudo cooked up for all us voe who come to the Bazaar, so they don't have to deal with us. They leave us to our own whims down here, but it's fun I think you'll enjoy it mr. no name."</p><p>"Yes but what exactly--?"</p><p>Benja let out a sharp laugh, "Unofficially, we call this place the Kara Kara Bazaar <em>brothel</em>. It's a place where you can find someone to <em>fuck</em>.. for a price of course." (Calamity this Hylian had such a filthy mouth and it was doing something to Lizz's mind..) "The owners of this place pay half of what they earn to the Gerudo for letting them have the business here and are provided with food and shelter for their escorts in return. Not alcohol sadly though, the Gerudo won't give up their recipes for their secret booze, so try not to drink the stuff they have here mr. no name, it's.. really bad."</p><p>As they finally reached the bottom of the stairs, Lizz looked around. There was a large room leading from the reception that almost reminded Lizz of the Clan's party room in the back of the hideout. Except it was a lot more cushier. There was a bar, similiar to the Noble Canteen in Gerudo Town, comfy couches all around the room and an organ instrument in the back that someone was playing music on. There were Hylians, mostly men, sitting around in the room and.. oh. Lizz flushed terribly when he noticed the poles in the center of the room. There were practically naked people dancing <em>provocatively</em> on the poles. A few women, but also a few men too.</p><p>Lizz hurriedly looked away and stepped closer to Benja who was approaching the man at the reception. He dropped a silver rupee to the desk, "A room for two please."</p><p>The man raised an eyebrow, "You can't just keep bringing your conquests here Benja. The rooms are supposed to be for our clients."</p><p>"Aw, but this is a <em>good</em> one. I think he's really going to like it here, you'll have a new permanent resident this time, I promise."</p><p>"You said that about the last one, he <em>balked</em> the moment you were gone."</p><p>Lizz suddenly felt the Hylian's hand on his ass and froze immediately. Oh. Oh <em>Calamity</em>. What had he gotten himself into?</p><p>"I mean it. This one's <em>good</em> I can tell. I need to break him in first, but it's like he was <em>born</em> for this."</p><p>Lizz's eyes burrowed in confusion. That.. almost sounded like his mantra.</p><p>The receptionist sighed, "Fine, but only because you're one of our best customers." he took the silver rupee, dropping a key down which Benja gleefully took, "Room 11. Try not to stain the walls this time or I'm charging you <em>more</em>."</p><hr/><p>"You want this right? Last chance to back out."</p><p>Lizz was being pushed down onto a (really comfortable, way more comfortable then at the hideout) bed as the Hylian climbed atop of him.</p><p>Did he? Did he really want some random Hylian he had just met barely half an hour ago inside him like this? It was his first time as well.. Calamity, fourty years old, and this was the first time he was ever actually going to have <em>sex</em>. And the Hylian was so tiny compared to him too..</p><p>Lizz swallowed and despite everything screaming at him, nodded, "Y-yeah.. but I want my cage on first.."</p><p>(Calamity, he was actually going to do this. What was <em>wrong</em> with him?)</p><p>Benja smirked at him, "Oh don't worry baby, I'll put your little cock cage on you~"</p><p>Calamity, forget what was wrong with <em>him</em>, what was up with this one Hylian?! Lizz wasn't even in his cage yet, and his mind felt as hazy as he did with it on..</p><p>But the moment his cage was on, Lizz was already starting to feel better already. Calamity, it just felt so <em>good</em>. The way it jingled on him and how he strained against the metal, it was like he could only focus on the arousal and how <em>good</em> it felt. The hazyness that he had missed for so long was was growing inside his mind again and a dumb smile broke out on Lizz's face. (<em>So much for needing the blood moon..</em>)</p><p>"Goddess, you look so <em>hot</em> like that." Benja chuckled as he moved to place the chain and key on the little bedside table, and then starting to remove his clothing. "And your eyes.. they really are <em>amazing</em>. I feel like I'm getting lost in them everytime I see them."</p><p>Lizz shivered heavily. Ugh, this guy was corny too..</p><p>"So, you gonna give me your name yet? Or am I just gonna have to call you mr. no name when I'm <em>fucking</em> you?"</p><p>(<em>I shouldn't.. I really shouldn't..</em>)</p><p>"L-Lizz.."</p><p>Benja let out a downright <em>howl</em> of laughter, "That's a <em>vai's</em> name!"</p><p>"No it's not!" Lizz practically glared at him hotly, "I was named after the lizalfos!"</p><p>"Oh~?" Benja chuckled, "Well, if you ask me, I don't see a monster in front of me at all, do you know what I see?"</p><p>Lizz frowned, "What?"</p><p>Benja grinned wider, reaching down and grabbing Lizz's cock cage, "I see a cute yet tall <em>vai</em> in front of me. A pretty little thing, with pretty pink eyes, who's <em>desperate</em> for a cock inside her." his grin grew practically manic, "<em>A vai in heat.</em>"</p><p>(What the <em>fuck</em>?!) Lizz felt like his entire body was on <em>fire</em> and heard a strange noise from his throat. A moment later he realised he was actually <em>whimpering</em> at the Hylian's words.</p><p>Dropping the cage, Benja reached out suddenly and all rational thought in Lizz's mind stopped as the man started to pinch at his chest. "The proof is right here, Lizz." the Hylian was whispering lowly as Lizz thrashed on the bed, his mind practically <em>numb</em> as Benja pinched at his hardening nipples, "Did you even know that a man could be pleasured on their chest the same way a woman can?" Lizz reopened his eyes (when had he closed them?) and saw the Hylian leering down at him, "Do you like it Lizz? Use your words now, we don't want you to be <em>repressed</em> like you were before after all."</p><p>"Y-yes! I love it, I--!" Lizz felt downright <em>feverish</em>. What the hell was this Hylian doing to him?! Was this.. really him? He had been a blademaster, he had been--</p><p>But then Benja was leaning over him and then their mouths were being pressed together, tongues sliding together wetly as the Hylian continued to pinch his nipples. He was straining so bad against his cage (his <em>cock</em> cage) he was pretty sure he couldn't <em>breathe</em> and then the Hylian was pulling away, smirking down at him and there was a trail of saliva between their mouths.</p><p>"Goddess, look at you. Fucking voe, this is what you were born to do, wasn't it Lizz?"</p><p>His mantra..?! Lizz sobbed out desperately as what was left of his rational mind completely snapped against the arousal and pleasure inside him.</p><p>"S-say it again, Benja, <em>please</em>.."</p><p>Lizz was so turned on, he couldn't <em>stand</em> it. The pieces of his broken mind were putting themselves together again and he had found a new purpose in life.</p><p>Benja chuckled, "Fucking voe is what you were born to do Lizz."</p><p>Lizz's eyes were rolling into the back of his skull. (<em>I WAS BORN TO FUCK VOE AND THEIR COCKS!</em>) "Please..! Keep saying it to me..!"</p><p>The Hylian kept repeating those words over and over as he continued to pinch and twist Lizz's nipples and the once blademaster strained against his little cage as the words sunk in more and more each time the Hylian said them. At some point he started leaking in his cage, even <em>without</em> something inside him, spilling little spurts onto the bed while Benja just <em>cackled</em> above him.</p><p>It had taken Lizz over fourty years, but he finally knew what he was born to do. He was born to fuck voe, and their hot throbbing cocks.</p><p>At some point it switched to 'blowjob' and then Lizz was doing just that, on his knees and sucking the Hylian off as Benja leaned on his elbows and <em>smirked</em> and.. Calamity, a real cock in his mouth felt, smelled and tasted so <em>good</em>.</p><p>"You're a natural Lizz." Benja chuckled, "You get a lot of practice in the Yiga Clan? Wouldn't have thought it from the rumours I've heard of them."</p><p>Lizz popped the cock out of his mouth, his pink eyes glazed over in desire, "I-I practiced on mighty bananas a lot.."</p><p>"Goddess, that's fucked up, but okay."</p><p>Benja pulled Lizz off him just in time, and then the man was moving in between his legs and.. Calamity, this was it wasn't it? Lizz practically trembled, his eyes glazed over. Finally, <em>finally</em>, he was going to get a cock inside of him.</p><p>"You're going to be the best escort here, I can <em>tell</em>." Benja smirked at him, "I bet you could even use your disguise magic to make yourself appear as anyone you want. So say, if someone comes here and they wanna fuck.. oh, I dunno, Buliara, for example, you could just transform into her and make their dreams come true."</p><p><em>Calamity</em>, why was he so turned on at that thought? If Lizz got anymore hornier then he already was, he was pretty sure he was going to <em>die</em>.</p><p>"Oh.. please <em>please please</em>.." he was babbling now, his ass clenching desperately. The man's cock was so close.. <em>he was right there</em>..</p><p>"Yeah yeah, I get it, you want my hot cock inside you, don't you you horny little vai?" Benja chuckled, "I better show you what your body's been craving all this time, huh?"</p><p>By the time of the next morning, what remained of Lizz's mind had been completely shattered into stars and the Kara Kara Bazaar brothel had a new permanent resident.</p><p>He may have accidentally become the worst blademaster in the Clan, but Benja was right about that, he certainly became the best escort the brothel had ever had.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"100 rupees for a blowjob, 300 for a fuck, 600 if you want a transformation since it tires him out a lot and can't take any more clients as he has to recover the rest of the night."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Lizz ended up becoming very intimate with every Hylian voe in the Bazaar. He ended up seeing that Bozai guy a lot, even if he only ever had Lizz transform into whatever flavour of Gerudo or Hylian vai he wanted that day. Benja was still his favourite client though, Lizz never had to transform with him, and the things the Hylian would say to Lizz just made him so horny that he would shatter from the pleasure all over again. Benja would always compliment his eyes too and it would make Lizz so <em>weirdly</em> happy. (In the Clan, so many people over the years had told him his eyes were a weird mutation.) At some point, Benja brought a couple of vials of pink dye from Hateno to replace the black that had washed out by then, so he was matching and Lizz just <em>loved</em> the look of his pink hair, especially when a hot voe was tugging on it and telling him what a horny <em>vai</em> he was.</p><p>He had cocks in him every night. And Lizz loved every damn second of it.</p><p>(When Dorian recieved the letter from Lizz explaining where he was and outright <em>thanking</em> him for setting him on this path, the poor Sheikah's brain practically shortcircuited.)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Epilogue II (Bant)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Yiga Clan affected them all in different ways. For Dorian, it had turned the man into a <em>bastard</em> even back then before he officially became blademaster. As a footsoldier, hell, even as a <em>trainee</em>, he had the been the most hardened person Bant had ever known, even rivaling some of their worst blademaster teachers.</p><p>That didn't mean he couldn't be soft at times though it was very rare. On occasion, Dorian would be kind to him (especially when he encouraged Dorian's dream). And Bant would see him at times, especially after that fated mission in Faron, and his fellow footsolider would just be staring off into nothing, a distant look in his grey eyes.</p><p>Bant had hoped that meant he was changing, becoming a better person.</p><p>Bant and Dorian really had been <em>bad</em> for each other, as they were complete opposites. Bant had no idea why he had been picked as Dorian's partner. Why they had been forced together even as footsoldiers.</p><p>And yet Dorian had become Bant's only source of comfort in the years (as messed up as that was considering how Dorian treated him) and so when he had gone on that mission, the seperation had <em>destroyed</em> him. Bant had found himself helplessly masturbating to Dorian's memory on blood moons, even though he didn't even <em>like</em> him that way.</p><p>Bant really was a deeply broken person. His purification ritual had killed a part of his soul at only six years old, and he had seen so many bodies over the years it had wrecked him completely and he had ended up <em>hating</em> the Clan. And yet, he couldn't (didn't want to) leave. The Clan was the only thing he had ever known after all.</p><p>Bant had stopped trying, because he didn't want to be part of the spiral that the Yiga Clan had become. He hadn't even wanted to become a <em>footsoldier</em>, let alone a blademaster.</p><p>And then.. the Hero happened. And Bant was forced to come to terms with his feelings about Dorian (<em>Master</em> Dorian?! When had <em>that</em> happened?!), about the Clan, even about the Great Calamity. And the answer he had seemingly discovered had broken his already damaged mind even more.</p><p>His mind whispered to him that this was what he had supposed to become all along and so when he had discovered that smaller branch of Yiga Clan members who were leaving the Valley to find the new Calamity (the vessel who lived in Lurelin Village) he had gone with them.</p><p>The smaller branch had fallen apart immediately though. A letter found its way back into Kohga's hands explaining what had happened (Bant had the distinct impression that it was Dorian who had written it) and the elderly Master had found their little branch living in an empty monster camp on Cape Celes and <em>forced</em> them to disband.</p><p>Some of them had left the Clan all together. Bant however had returned to the Valley. It was somewhere to sleep, and they had food there after all. But the footsoldier felt <em>lost</em>. For maybe a few weeks, he had found his purpose in life and then it had been <em>ripped</em> for him.</p><p>And then, as the months trickled on, his repression starting to turn his mind even more mad (Bant only masturbated on the blood moon after all, and there wasn't going to be any more blood moons). The rest of the Clan (especially the blademasters) wasn't faring much better either. Evantually Kohga found out what they had been doing and <em>completely lost his shit</em>. He practically had to order his own Clans members to take care of themselves properly and evantually, after months of therapy with the medics (and learning how to take care of their own bodies properly) the haze that the Yiga Clan had been in for so many years started to lift.</p><p>(Way too late for Lizz though who had left on day one of the reborn Clan and now, unbeknownst to the rest of the Clan, was living under Kara Kara Bazaar and hopelessly addicted to cock.)</p><p>As the years started to change, they began work on the hideout, expanding the rooms and barracks. Now every footsoldier had their own personal chambers, and that helped a <em>lot</em>. They had their own privacy, were much more comfortable with their own bodies, and long term relationships were happening a lot more frequently.</p><p>At one point, Bant realised the trainee program had been stopped. The Clan could just.. raise their own families now, if that was what they wanted. It was too late for the current trainees, as they had no idea who belonged to who, but once trainees started being born again, blademasters and even footsoldiers could raise them if they wanted.</p><p>Bant was so happy he could honestly <em>cry</em>. They still trained of course, and they were still theives (they were <em>Yiga</em> after all) but everything was so <em>good</em> now in the Clan. He still woke up in his own bed (which was now so comfortable as they had ordered proper comfortable beds instead of the weird slabs they had slept on before) and barely believed that a couple of years ago it had all been so different.</p><p>At times, Bant thought about writing Dorian a letter, to let him know about how different things were in the Clan, and maybe he should come check it out one day, but everytime he found himself in front of his table, parchment and ink pen in hand, he didn't know what to say.</p><p>He knew deep down that it wasn't Dorian's fault that he had ended up the way he was (it was all the Clan after all) and yet a deep part of Bant <em>disliked</em> him. Life in the Clan had been <em>hell</em> before and Dorian certainly hadn't helped. He remembered all the times he was practically tortured by his fellow footsoldier. (One time he had been left dangling upside down for what felt like hours, tied up in ropes, while Dorian screamed at him that he was Yiga and it should be <em>easy</em> for him to teleport and escape while Bant had just <em>sobbed</em> and yelled "Please let me down Dorian I'm going to throw up!")</p><p>Bant gave up entirely on writing a letter (and didn't even read Dorian's letter inviting him to his wedding when it arrived, throwing it down the pit without even opening it) and while he didn't <em>hate</em> Dorian, that didn't mean he had to forgive him either. Instead Bant decided to focus on his new life in the Clan. The family he had gained. As he looked at his little trainee (a bright curious daughter who he had named Anna, after a trainee he had met a few years back, who had given him the first sliver of hope that the Clan could possibly change) the footsoldier was content with his life.</p><p>(Although, who could tell at that point if Bant genuinely loved it, or if it was just stockholm syndome on his severly traumatized mind. But either way, Bant was happy here. He would never try to leave the Valley again.)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Epilogue III (Dorian & Kiyah)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What the <em>FUCK</em>." Dorian's hands shook around Lizz's letter as he read some of the most depraved things he had ever read in his life. Calamity, even the <em>handwriting</em> was off center and crooked, as if the former blademaster had had someone inside him when he writing the damn thing. Next thing he knew, Kiyah was pulling the tip of his long ear and he winced a little.</p><p>"What have I told you about language Dorian?" his wife scolded him, "You're a bad influence on the girls, <em>especially</em> Pan. Every other word out of her mouth seems to be some kind of curse now."</p><p>"Yes dear.." Dorian winced as his wife pulled him back in the little holiday cottage they had bought in the newly rebuilt Mabe Village for their honeymoon, "But she doesn't really need my help for that though.."</p><p>Her vulgar language was even worse then <em>his</em>. Maybe it was because of what had happened to her in Hyrule Field, although Dorian heavily doubted that she had <em>actually</em> become the Reincarnation of Hatred. Pan was too kind and good for that. Even if she somehow <em>was</em>, it didn't change how he felt. She was his adopted <em>daughter</em> and he loved that girl as much as his own biological ones.</p><p>As they came to the dinner table, Dorian looked down at the meal she had made and his heart melted. Of course she made creamy heart soup. Although Kiyah seemed more happy about the mabe souffles on either side of their bowls and she picked one of them up beaming, "I never thought I would get to eat a mabe souffle in Mabe Village itself."</p><p>In the years that had passed, and thanks to their connections with the other representives and the Champions who knew the missing recipes, Kiyah's recipe book was finally complete and she had shown it off proudly to a group of Hylians who were there one day.</p><p>One of the Hylians however had been <em>Traysi</em>, the very same award winning investigative journalist that Dorian had thought about killing that day in Rito Stable, and the next thing Dorian had known, the Hylian was in their house, talking about publishing her complete recipe book.</p><p>The book was very popular and sold a lot. Not like they even <em>needed</em> the rupees that came from the book! They were already stupidly rich thanks to Dorian's previous theivery from the Clan and now it was just obscene how much rupees they had. They could probably buy Hyrule Castle if they wanted at this point.</p><p>As they ate the creamy heart soup and mabe souffles, Kiyah finally asked him about that. "Why did you wait so long for our wedding anyway? With all the rupees we have, we probably could have got married immediately."</p><p>"I wanted to earn it myself." Dorian mumbled as he used his spoon to eat the sweet yet tangy soup, "I didn't want our wedding to be tainted with the Clan's rupees. Especially considering what happened to those people.."</p><p>Kiyah just nodded solemnly.</p><p>They had been donating the rupees to people who needed it, and helping with the reconstruction of Central Hyrule as much as they could, but they still had <em>so much</em>.</p><p>Kiyah looked out the small window of their cottage window, seeing the mini stable where Storm was tied up. Her own beloved horse Firly had finally passed away of old age a while back, after making his last years the most comfortable they could (Steen had even relented, allowing the horse to live in the village's mini stable as the family took care of him, and even fed him some swift carrots from his stockpile from time to time. Olkin had just wailed that the horse could eat some pumpkin too if he wanted.) And after her horse had finally passed, the next thing Kiyah had known was Pan giving her <em>Storm</em>.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I can't take this horse!" Kiyah had spluttered, "I-its the royal white stallion! Surely someone else--"</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>But Pan had insisted. Zelda was happy with the Master Cycle Zero instead and it wasn't like Pan <em>needed</em> a horse anyway, considering she could teleport anywhere in Hyrule, and she still lived in Kakariko, so she could spend as much time with him anyway. But Goddess, the looks Kiyah got while riding Storm would have her face flushing in absolute embarrasment. (The royal saddle and bridle really were too much, yet it didn't seem right to change them.)</p><p>As Kiyah and Dorian sat on their bed later that night and looked up at the dim lanterns on the ceiling, Kiyah just couldn't <em>believe</em> how different Hyrule was now. Back then before Pan (then Link) had appeared in the village, she had never thought anything would change. She had hoped of course, but that hope was getting dimmer and dimmer as the years trickled on. Still, Kiyah had perservered for Koko and Cottla's sake, and then suddenly everything had just <em>happened</em> all at once. In just five months their village had gone from the most depressing in all of Hyrule to the most joyous.</p><p>And now, four years later, it felt like an entire other life from back then. She had Dorian back with her, and they were married. The Champions were alive, and so was the former Princess Zelda. The monsters were mostly calm, and the guardians were on their side again. All of Central Hyrule had been rebuilt and.. everything was <em>good</em>.</p><p>Well, mostly good. Even now, some terrible people still treated Pan poorly, even after <em>everything</em> she had done for Hyrule. Kiyah had seen it once, a group of Hyruleans yelling at the Sheikah girl, who had <em>tears</em> in her eyes, and telling her it would be better if she just left Hyrule (thankfully Dorian had not been there that day as he had been in Akkala) but the next thing Kiyah knew was Rola holding her back, her eightfold blade out, <em>screaming</em> at the group as they fled away from the angry Sheikah woman and Pan was back in her arms, the girl shaking terribly.</p><p>Now that her grandmother was gone, Pan was their responsilbity. Their adopted <em>daughter</em>. They would protect her against the people who were fearful and hateful, because they didn't understand.</p><p>Their three daughters were back in Kakariko right now, with Pan as the oldest, and the only one of age, taking care of Koko and Cottla while the two were on their honeymoon.</p><p>And.. there certainly was some bonuses to the fact that Dorian had returned to the Clan, Kiyah thought to herself hotly, even if she was embarassed and <em>guilty</em> that she had such thoughts about those things, considering all the pain it had caused both of them. His mighty banana diet had not just affacted his height and weight, but ah.. well.. <em>everything</em> about him.</p><p>She still remembered the first time Dorian had stripped naked in front of her (not because they were exploring their bodies, just because he was getting changed into his nightwear) and she had realised he was just so much <em>larger</em> down there now then he had been previously.</p><p>When she had brought this up with Rola this later on, Cado had been there and she noticed how the guard's eyes suddenly glazed over as he breathed maybe a little too heavy. <em>Huh</em>. That was definetely something they could explore in the future if Dorian was into it. She knew Dorian was most likely demisexual and was only into <em>her</em>, but they were all <em>friends</em> after all, and there was nothing wrong with a bit of consensual messing around if all parties were interested (its not like they would be <em>cheating</em> after all as long as they all knew about it).</p><p>And Kiyah had certainly messed around a lot when she was younger, with men and women alike (not full on intercourse of course, she hadn't lied to Dorian about that) as Kiyah tried to be very open about her sexuality, exploring her body and her feelings (it was definetely more of a Hylian thing, having been raised in Hateno for most of her early life).</p><p>And there was just something about the fantasy of Cado riding Dorian's huge length while writhing in ecstasy that just got her <em>really</em> excited (Rola had looked excited at the fantasy when Kiyah had brought it up with her too). Maybe she would bring it up to him one day. Even though Dorian was almost 50 now and she was reaching her mid to late 40s, they still were exploring their bodies every time they got a chance.</p><p>Speaking of which.. Kiyah let out a soft moan as she pulled her hands away from Dorian's hair. She had been pushing him too hard again with her newfound strength that she had been developing for the past couple of years, and his entire face had been pushed between her legs.</p><p>"Sorry my love, was I too rough again?"</p><p>Dorian's eyes were glazed over in pleasure, his beard and sideburns soaked with her slick. "N-not at all Kiyah dear, i-it's fine.. Goddess, I really <em>love</em> eating you out."</p><p>She giggled a little nervously at that. Dorian really <em>had</em> become vulgar over the years he had been back in the Clan except.. something was bugging her. "When did you switch to Goddess instead of Calamity? I thought you didn't believe in Goddess Hylia."</p><p>"Ah.." Dorian slumped back on the bed, as the Sheikah tried to think, "Uh.. I think it was at the wedding? A-and I <em>don't</em> believe in the Goddess. That hasn't changed." he was suddenly chuckling, "When I say Goddess, Kiyah, I'm talking about <em>you</em>. You're my Goddess. I worship <em>you</em>."</p><p>Ohhhhhh.. Kiyah's stomach was twisting in sudden pleasure. Had she been in her right mind and not consumed with their pleasure, she might have been more horrified at those words but as is.. "How utterly blasphemic Dorian." she couldn't help but tease lightly as she giggled. "Well, you better get back to it, then dear. Please your Goddess."</p><p>"Yes my love." he buried his face into her again, returning to licking that bundle of nerves and Kiyah just moaned softly in pleasure.</p>
<hr/><p>It had taken a while (and things really had gotten worse and <em>worse</em>). And at one point, when she had been back in Kakariko, when it seemed like everything was getting better for everyone else except in Hyrule except for her (that day in Kakariko when the Champions were there as they waited for Pan to return from the Great Plateau) that had been her new lowest point, although true to her word she had never touched the alcohol again.</p><p>At that point, Kiyah had genuinely believed she had lost Dorian completely to the Clan. That he believed his brainwashing mantra again. That he was never coming home.</p><p>And then Pan had told her why he had actually left.</p><p>To try and destroy the Clan from the inside. (<em>Oh Dorian, you fool, how could you wreck your own mind like that for so long?</em>) They had talked about it of course, in the years before their wedding, not about the whole thing, but whatever he wanted to talk about, she would listen.</p><p>Dorian had told her about the reunification ceremony that he had forced himself into. About the malice burn that had once been on his face and how he had been topping it up with malice himself over the years to keep it fresh and his mind focused on his task. (Kiyah had <em>wept</em> when he had told her that. No wonder he had tried to hide his face when Pan and Dorian had fought above Kakariko. He hadn't wanted her to see the malice burn on his face.)</p><p>He also told her how <em>guilty</em> he felt because he had wrecked someone's mental state with that reunifaction ceremony. And how in the beginning he had only become allies with that trainee in the first place in order to mess around with his partner, who he noticed was becoming more and more attached to him, and how the old him had never really <em>cared</em> for the boy anyway. Either of them. Dorian clearly felt so guilty about Lizz. And about Bant too. In the coming days, Dorian would show Kiyah the letter from Lizz and.. Goddess, it really <em>was</em> depraved.</p>
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    <em>"I mean.." Kiyah had whispered, almost feverishly, her whole face red with embarassment, "It sounds like he's happy there Dorian? That's why he sent you this letter in the first place, to thank you right?" Dorian just looked at her pitifully.</em>
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</blockquote><p>He had told her about what had become his final blademaster test, how he had defeated fifty footsoldiers and one blademaster in the fastest time ever in the history of the Clan, with his eyes closed. Even now Dorian sounded proud of that, even though he wished it had never come to it. He had worked so hard to do it after all.</p><p>And then Dorian had told her about his first murder (blademaster inauguration he had called it) and had barely been able to get through the words, before he was choking in absolute pain and agony, and grief and guilt. He still had no idea who that person was, and Kiyah hadn't known what to say, just holding him as he mourned, not only their life, but the other lives of the people he had been forced to kill over the years. They all knew that when they passed on from this world, they would end up in the Spirit Realm, but Dorian genuinely believed he didn't belong there.</p><p>Kiyah had to repeat Pan's words constantly to him: he was a better person now, he was becoming a better person each and every day. That the only thing they could do was keep moving forwards. And the Light of the Hero that existed in both of their chests was warm as she kept telling him that, until his tears finally receeded.</p><p>Then there was the five months leading up the Calamity's defeat. How he had worked himself <em>tirelessly</em> trying to try and stop Pan, how he had been trying to take her back home and <em>save</em> her from the monumental task in front of her. How her influence (as well as Kiyah's buried deep down inside of him) started to affect him. How when he had attacked Gerudo Town, he hadn't harmed a single one of them to get the Thunder Helm. How he had almost died <em>twice</em> because of it, first from the Gerudo arrows in his back, and then when the monk had tried to kill him and how Pan had fought back against the monk to save his life. About his ultimate redemption and how he had fought alongside the representives in the desert, about his time in Akkala bonding with Granté (Dorian and that half Sheikah were really close now. Almost like.. cousins. Even now, Dorian would sometimes teleport up to Hateno to see how Granté and his little family were doing) as well as the Son employees.</p><p>Kiyah and Dorian talked about everything that had led up to today, and everything was open and honest between them.</p><p>Well.. all except for one discussion they likely would never have: Master Kohga. He was still a sore subject for Dorian, had always been even back <em>before</em> he had returned to the Clan.</p><p>Pan would sometimes talk about him when she wasn't aware that Dorian was listening, and Kiyah would see her husband tense <em>immediately</em>. To be honest she wasn't sure exactly <em>why</em>. Yes, the Clan had been awful because of him, but he had seemingly reformed for the better now. He had even saved his once enemy Zelda out there in Hyrule Field that fateful day the Calamity was defeated. And he had taken Pan home to Lurelin after it was all over. Dorian didn't know about this, Kiyah wouldn't tell him, but she had written the elderly Master a letter, thanking him for everything he had done that day. She had gotten Pan to deliver it, since she could teleport straight away. It had taken a while, but evantually she had gotten a reply, just a little message on a single piece of parchment in an envelope with the inverted eye seal on the back.</p><p>'Kiyah. I really do not deserve your thanks, but regardless your message meant a lot to me. Please take care of Dorian. -Master Kohga.'</p><p>She had thought about burning it, but she couldn't in the end. Kiyah had given it to Pan who had stored the parchment in the Sheikah slate to protect it. The two of them would talk about it on occasion, wondering what exactly had happened between the two of them that made things so bad, especially considering it seemed that Kohga really <em>cared</em> about Dorian, but in the end neither of them could get Dorian to discuss the man properly.</p><p>It was likely he never would.</p><p>(But then again, she was the same wasn't she? Dorian had tried to get her to discuss her feelings about Purah before, but Kiyah would always tense up and say it was fine, nothing to discuss there!)</p><p>In the end, this was their reality and the current state of Hyrule.</p><p>The Yiga Clan were reformed, no longer monsters, but then again, they never had been in the first place, that was just a myth passed down from the Ancient Sheikah regarding their ReDead magic.</p><p>And the Sheikah of Kakariko Village had stopped being lost and without hope. They were so much happier now, even if the alcohol peddlers were annoyed that they lost their main nearest source of profit.</p><p>(The next time the quarter Sheikah was in Kakariko, Kiyah gave him a gentle nod towards Kara Kara Bazaar instead. Apparantly the alcohol they served down in the brothel wasn't very good, as the Gerudo hadn't given them the recipe for their own, and the Sheikah was actually grateful for that, so they packed up shop and headed to the desert instead.)</p><p>It had taken many many years.. for Kiyah and Dorian especially.. almost three decades since they had met on that fateful day in Faron at the Lover's Pond all those years ago in their early twenties.</p><p>Ultimately none of this meant that Hyrule would <em>always</em> be peaceful. But maybe, just maybe, if only for this one generation, the curse that had spiraled in Hyrule's history would finally <em>relent</em>.</p><p>(We would only have to look to Pandora for that answer.)</p><p>~Fin</p>
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